should a person take a suicidal behavior seriously?

[Debbi]

Should a person take an attempted suicidal behaviour seriously? I had cut my wrist but nobody seemed to think it was much of a big deal or anything. I know i have a potentially fatal illness that there is no treatment I can take for it. I was a cutter but when I got seriously depressed, I cut my wrist. It is hopeless, should I just accept it that it is hopeless? What do you tell a friend that is holding a knife and about to cut, about God's love or something to get them to stop and give them hope?

 

[alexeeah]

Well Debbi I read in the chat screen that you had posted this thread and that it didn' have any replies I am here to help. Yes you should take it seriously. Weather it was to get attention or because you seriously wanted to kill yourself IT IS SOMETHING TO TAKE SERIOUSLY!! If youwant to chat with me you can email me or you can pm me or if you have yahoo, msn or aim i will chat. please get ahold of me. There is hope. Trust me I know. I almost killed my self when they said i had cancer but i'm glad that ididn'nt give up hope God healed my cancer and I am cancer free!!! My husband also attempted suicide 3 times but God kept him tooo.................there's hope.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

A person should take the threat seriously. Suicidal behavior is a cry for help. Most people, I don't think, know how to handle this and think if they just ignore it, it will go away. Without anywhere to turn this person will end up going through with it.

NOTHING is hopeless with God. If you need to talk, there are many of us here who will listen and help as much as we possibly can.

 

[bliz]

If you would like this to be a hopeless situation, it can be.

If you would like to get help, you can also get help.

It is up to you to decide what you want and ask for it.

If you are waiting for others to notice and care, you may wait a long time. For a wide variety of reasons, you may tell people that you are terribly depressed and suicidal and they simply do not hear you. Sometimes they don't want to know. Sometimes the don't have answers or know what to say to you, so they pretend not to know. Often their perceptions of you, say people tend to think of you as a strong person, even when they see evidence of your pain, they will not see it as a sign that you need help.

I think you really want help - if not, I doubt that you would be posting on this site.
You need spiritual help. Contact a church or pastor or Christian counseling center in your area. Call as many places as you need to to get someone to talk to you.

You need mental health help. All healing is from God, be it from the laying on of hands, medications or talk therapy - it is all God's healing. Please do to hesitate to seek this kind of help. The right medication can make a major difference that will enable you to take care of problems, not avoid them or ignore them.

 

[Sangarime]

Debbi I have found your thread and I thank you for posting it. Have you seen the one the HOMECHICKLET posted entitled "do you feel depressed.." something like that?
I am currently reading a book to help me with my view of myself and my thinking. I too, even as an adult, have had these thoughts and have carried out some attempts, but I am taking it one day at a time. Please PM me or MSN...i put you as my very first contact person...I am reading the book by Joyce Meyer and would love to have someone be my book partner to read thorugh it together...."How to Succeed at Being Yourself" it didn't quite interest me title wise but when i opened it i realized that there was something i needed at this time....please contact me sweetheart...with all my love and heart for you.....bless you sweetie....you are so precious....i wish i could be there with you and we would sing and go through our journey together....i believe He is there with you even in this seemingly low "valley".....i am praying for us
love Jesse

 

[TheMainException]

LOVE THEM...it's the best you can give to them...talk with them about why they are cutting, why they want to die, and as you talk, pray that God would simply take over and use your mouth to speak to the person, if no words come, hug them or love them in any way possible.

And YES, always take suicidal behavior seriously...those who don't will have blood on their hands for allowing a person to die. There IS treatment for it...it's called therapy and meds...also, try reading a book by Brennan Manning called "Abba's Child." It's about the love of Christ, and is just absolutely awesome, so honest and down to earth.

 

[I'ddie4him]

Debbi,
I know where you are coming from, I have attempted sucide several times by overdose and the latest time was with a loaded shotgun, But, My little girl stopped me just before I pulled the trigger. I am on daily meds and am doing quite well. I also have struggled with cutting in the past, You have my attention, Please pm me and we can talk. We care about you and want to see that you are ok.

 

[XpixiXFairyX]

I used to cut all the time.....I don't anymore though because my Mom found out last time.
Ummmmm i have a lot of friends that are suicidle...and I know people who have committed suicide. I think any sign of suicidle behavior should be taken seriously!

 

[Godlovesusall]

YES Suicidal behaviour should be taken very seriously. As far as what can you say, well, you can remind them of how much they are loved by you and by others on earth, like family and friends, (Use names), let them know you will be there for them always. As for the cutting, tell them, hey lets make a deal, you don't cut for a month, and I won't do...whatever, find something. That can also work with the depression and suicide, tell them not to think of negative things. If they are Christian let them know they are loved by God, and that every trial can be overcome with His help. I know where you are coming from, I seriously thought about killing myself two days ago, and I struggle with not cutting myself, the temptation is difficult, but I hang on for friends and family. I wish you the best, and please don't kill yourself, it isn't worth it, death is forever, people here will miss you soo much, and you will have plenty of time to see God when He says it is okay to go, but now is not that time! God bless, and take care of yourself!
D.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Should a person take an attempted suicidal behaviour seriously? I had cut my wrist but nobody seemed to think it was much of a big deal or anything. I know i have a potentially fatal illness that there is no treatment I can take for it. I was a cutter but when I got seriously depressed, I cut my wrist. It is hopeless, should I just accept it that it is hopeless? What do you tell a friend that is holding a knife and about to cut, about God's love or something to get them to stop and give them hope?

It is absolutely not hopeless. It's sad that when people feel the most need in their lives, they find the least support. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

The Lord can absolutely heal you. He wants you to depend on Him rather than the SI for comfort and relief, and if you hand it over to Him, He will help you find windows when you feel the temptation hitting you.

Also, there are usually deep reasons for things like this. Ask the Lord to show you why, and what to do. Hand it to Him. He wants to be your healer, and He will be. We're also here if you need us.

About your last question, yes! God's love is definitely the cure. Once you put in God's hands, He will heal you. But that may require looking at old wounds, things that have been pushed to the back of your mind because they are painful. Fear sometimes buries these. Fear of anger or more pain. Fear that God won't love you anymore when the truth is, His love for His children is so great that He will not allow this to continue. Place your trust in Him. He will tell you what He wants you to do, and sometimes the answers surprise us.

Blessings,
Whitehorse

 

[bnkessler]

Whatever you do, DO NOT make threats or give ultimatums. NEVER EVER do that. I'm a cutter, and these things do not work. It will just make the person feel even worse. What you can do is just talk to the person. Ask him/her what is going on and why he/she is feeling that way. Just so you know, most people who cut are NOT suicidal - we cut to stay alive. Unless this person has told you that he/she is suicidal, then he/she is not. Have this person go talk to someone like a counselor or therapist. But do not ever threaten him/her. Ask and encourage but do not force. here is some information from a website. If you have any more questions about anything, feel free to PM me.

Help for Family/Friends.

Now what? Someone you care about has honored you by trusting you with information about his or her self-injurious behavior, or maybe you've inadvertently discovered it. Regardless of how you found out, you know about it now, and you can't pretend it away - you have to respond in some way. Here are some guidelines to help you properly deal with SI in a friend or family member.

• Don't take it personally. Self-injury is more about the person who does it than about the people around him/her. The person you're concerned about is not cutting, burning, hitting, or whatever just to make you feel bad or guilty. Even if it feels like a manipulation, it probably isn't intended as one. People generally do not SI to be dramatic, to annoy others, or to make a point.​
• Educate yourself. Get as much information as you can about self-injury. Please look in the "books" section of this group to find some self-injury books. This will help you get inside the mind of people who SI, and help you understand SI behavior in general.
  ​
• Understand your feelings. Be honest with yourself about how this self-injury makes you feel. Don't pretend to yourself that it's okay if it's not. Many people find self-injury repulsive, frightening, or provoking. If you need help dealing with the feelings aroused in you by self-injury, find a good therapist. Be careful, though, that you not try to get "surrogate therapy" for your family member/friend. What goes on in your therapy sessions should remain between you and your therapist. Don't ask your therapist to try to diagnose or treat the person you're concerned about, and if the self-injurer seeks treatment, be sure that he/she is seeing a different therapist than you are. Don't discuss the content of your therapy sessions in any but the most general terms, and never say anything like "My therapist says you should..." Therapy is a tool for self-understanding, not for getting others to change.
  ​
• Be supportive without reinforcing the behavior. It's important that your friend/family members knows that you can separate who they are from what they do, and that you love them independently of whether they self-injure. Be available as much as you can be. Set aside your personal feelings of fear or revulsion about the behavior and focus on what's going on with the person.
  Some good ways of showing support include:
  - Don't avoid the subject of self-injury. Let it be known that you're willing to talk, and then follow the other person's lead. Tell the person that if you don't bring the subject up, it's because you're respecting their space, not because of aversion.
  - Make the initial approach. "I know that sometimes you hurt yourself and I'd like to understand it. People do it for so many reasons; if you could help me understand yours, I'd be grateful." Don't push it after that; if the person says they'd rather not talk about it, accept this gracefully and drop the subject, perhaps reminding them that you're willing to listen if they ever do want to talk about it.
  - Be available. You can't be supportive of someone if you can't be reached.
  - Set reasonable limits. "I cannot handle talking to you while you are actually cutting yourself because I care about you greatly and it hurts too much to see you doing that" is a reasonable statement, for example. "I will stop loving you if you cut yourself" isn't reasonable if your goal is to keep the relationship intact.
  - Make it clear from your behavior that the person doesn't need to self-injure in order to get displays of love and caring from you. Be free with loving, caring gestures, even if they aren't returned always (or even often). Don't withdraw your love from the person. The way to avoid reinforcing SIV is to be consistently caring, so that taking care of the person after they injure is nothing special or extraordinary.
  - Provide distractions if necessary. Sometimes just being distracted (taken to a movie, on a walk, out for ice cream; talked to about things that have nothing to do with self-injury) can work wonders. If someone you care about is feeling depressed, you can sometimes help by bringing something pleasant and diverting into their lives. This doesn't mean that you should ignore their feelings; you can acknowledge that they feel lousy and still do something nice and distracting. (This is NOT the same as trying to cajole them out of a mood or telling them to just get over it -- it's an attempt to break a negative cycle by injecting something positive. It could be as simple as bringing the person a flower. Don't expect your efforts to be a permanent cure, though; this is a simple improve-the-moment technique.)
  - If you live apart from the person you're concerned about, offer physical safe space: "I'm worried about you; would you come sleep over at my house tonight?" Even if the offer is declined, just knowing it's there can be comforting.
  - Don't ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Find things that you can do and ask, "Can I?" People who feel really bad often can't think of anything that might make them feel better; asking if you can take them to a movie or wash those (month-old) dishes (if done nonjudgmentally) can be really helpful. Spontaneous acts of kindness ("I saw this flower at the store and knew you'd love to have it") work wonders.
  
  ​
• Take care of yourself. It sounds like hard work, and it is. And if you try to be completely supportive to someone else 24/7, you're going to burn out (and they won't have any incentive to change). You have to find ways to be sure your needs are being met.
  
  Take a break from it when you need to. When setting limits, remember that as much as you love someone, sometimes you're going to need to get away from them for a while. Tell the person that sometimes you need to recharge and that it doesn't affect your love for him/her. Only break into this personal time in cases of absolute life-or-death crisis.
  
  The balance here is tricky, because if you make yourself more and more distant, you might get a reaction of increasing levels of crisis from the other person. If you let them know that they don't have to be about to die to get love and attention from you, you can take breaks without freaking the person out. The key is developing trust, a process that will take some time. Once you prove that you are someone who isn't going to go away at the first sign of trouble, you will be able to go away in non-crisis times without provoking a crisis response.
  
  ​
• Ultimatums do NOT work. Ever. Loving someone who injures him/herself is an exercise in knowing your limitations. No matter how much you care about someone, you cannot force him/her to behave, as you'd prefer. In nearly two years of running the bodies under siege mailing list, I have yet to hear of a single case in which an ultimatum worked. Sometimes SI is suppressed for a while, but when it inevitably surfaces it's often more destructive and intense than it had been before. Sometimes the behavior is just driven underground. One person I know responded to periodic strip searches by simply finding more and more hidden places to cut. Confiscating tools used for SIV is worse than useless -- it just encourages the person to be creative in finding implements. People have managed to cut themselves with plastic eating utensils.
  
  Punishments just feed the cycle of self-hatred and unpleasantness that leads to SIV. Guilt tripping does the same. Both of these are incredibly common and both make things infinitely worse. The major fallacy here is in believing that SIV is about you; it almost invariably isn't (except in the most casual ways).
  
  Accept your limitations.
  ​
• Acknowledge the pain of your loved one. Accepting and acknowledging that someone is in pain doesn't make the pain go away, but it can make it more bearable. Let them know you understand that SIV isn't an attempt to be willful or to make life hard for you or to be unpleasant; acknowledge that it's caused by genuine pain they can find no other way to handle. Be hopeful about the possibility of learning other ways to cope with pain. If they're open to it, discuss possibilities for treatment with them.
  
  ​
• Don't force things. If you make overtures and they're rejected, back off for a few days or weeks. Don't push it. Some people need time to decide to trust someone else, particularly if they've received a lot of negative feedback about their SI before. Be patient.​

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[Debbi]

But if you saw someone cutting, how would it cause you to feel. I don't know how my friend felt when I told him I cut myself with a boxcutter on my wrist. How does a christian normally feel about when someone is hurting really bad and you don't know what to say to help them? My feelings seem to be disconnected or something and I'm afraid if I ask my friend, how he felt it might make things worse like he would think that I thought he didn't care or something.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

How long have you known him? Does he know of the situation yet?

 

[Debbi]

I have known him about 12 years, he is my pastor. He quite well knows my situation. He didn't say much when I told him and he looked sad I think. I wasn't considered a cutter that time because I cut my wrist and I was told that cutters aren't suicidal so that was an attempted suicide instead.

 

[bound2him]

yes always always always this is something to take seriously!