Self harm

[123wc]

Hi,

I am new to this forum. I don't know where to start. It's late at night and I need some kind of support.

I am married to a wonderful woman from the U.S.A. We got married last year she moved to Toronto, Canada to be with me. She was married before and was in a very abusive marriage (verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually); she divorced her husband after she found out he had committed adultery with a large number of women. She also grew up in an abusive household (her father was verbally and emotionally abusive).

Like all marriages we have our problems here and now, but I am very happy to be married to her: I love her and she is wonderful. She used to be very suicidal before, no so much now but it's still there. The problem that still persists is that when she gets angry she hits herself. Tonight she got angry and started punching her face at least 5 times before I was able to hug her tight and stop her. Within the last month she also got angry and punched her face once. I can recall few times where she punches her legs, or slap her skull. It happens every few weeks whenever she gets angry.

I want to take her to a doctor but currently she has no health care until her immigration papers are approved. I don't know what I should do. I am afraid if we go to a doctor and she does have a mental illness then that can affect her immigration approval.

I guess I am just talking here. I am not sure what steps I will take.

Your prayers are much needed and appreciated.

 

[YesMe]

The abusive behaviour she suffered left marks on her, but with much much love, and of course with the help of God, she will no longer feel the urge to punish herself.Talk with she about Jesus, He was as a human being, the perfect representation of God, He has so many messages of love.She needs a lot of love to heal her wounds.You know, when people keep treating you bad, you start to believe that there's is a problem with you, that you are the one whos bad, but that's not the truth, not at all.

 

[Tolworth John]

The problem that still persists is that when she gets angry she hits herself.

Medical help and professional counceling is the best option.
Untill you can arrange that, talk with her, listen to what she says about her feelings of anger/rage/selfloathing etc
I'm no expert, when my son self harm he found talking about why and his feelings helped him.

As she has a long history of being abused it will take time for her mental wounds to heal.

All I can surgest is to reassure her of your love and care and listen to her.
Maybe surgest she counts to ten before doing anything!

 

[123wc]

I do love her with all my heart. I do my best to be a good husband to her: pray for and with her, read the Bible and discuss it with her, provide for us (I have 2 jobs and work almost 7 days a week), try to listen to her (I think she thinks I am a bad listener or don't care), hug her and hold her hands and kiss her (she doesn't like kissing; she rarely if ever kisses me or kisses me back), try to take her our and buy her whatever she wants and needs, support her in her projects. I am gentle and patient with her. I forgive her and try to be understanding and accommodating. I help her with house chores.

But I feel like breaking. I feel helpless and despairing. I even wish to die sometimes and sometimes I want to punch my face. I am not like this. I don't know the person I am becoming. I am almost daily stresses. I was not like this. I was always the patient, joyful and joking type. I was always the logical and mature person. But now I am going crazy. It doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try, there is always a problem, always something to worry about, something to stress about, something to fight about, something I am not doing right or enough.

Anyway, I am just venting.

 

[Blessed Each Day]

You are doing the best you can but just stick with it. I don't know how long it's been but time is the a great healer of these types of problems, because there's a strong possibility she has self-loathing tendencies from her abuse; like she believes she deserves to be hit because of everything she's been through, especially for such a long time. If it's as serious as it sounds, she may need professional help (some sort of therapy to work through in a professional manner everything she's gone through and how to cope with it in healthier ways.) I pray that God's love helps her overcome her trauma, and that He continues to work through you to help her. I also pray that you stay strong; you've got a heck of a lot on your plate, but you've got to continue to be strong, and seek God's guidance! It sounds like you've been the consummate husband, and I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this; my prayers are with you both! Like you said, if she is diagnosed with a mental disorder I'm not sure what bearing that would have on her immigration, but if you are married that should grant her status (again, I'm no expert as there could be caveats in the fine-print.)

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

This thread has been moved from general struggles to Self-injury forum. ​

 

[Celticroots]

You sound like a wonderful husband. Hitting myself until I bruise is one method of self-harm I use so I can empathize with your wife there. Your wife is going to need professional help -a therapist-to deal with these things, especially to help her work through the abuse she suffered. It may be good for you to have a few sessions as a couple which could help you understand self-harm more, why people do it, etc.

Don't be afraid to seek professional help for yourself either. You deserve it too.