Questions for others with OCD like me.

[Eric29]

Hello friends I was just on anohter section of this forum and read about false conversion and such and I have been battling with my OCD since last fall when I found out that I had it. I have problems with thoughts and countering those thoughts with good thoughts and other things and too many to list. All these thought problems change over time and I was wondering do you guys and gals have a hard time sometimes knowing what is your ocd and what is really you like when you get a bad thought about someone you don't even know? I prayed two years ago last month to be saved and forgiven of my sin and wanted to turn my life around and have a relationship with Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and have read the bible and many other books as well and have came from looking and watching Porn and I am sorry for hurthing anyone by telling where I am coming from but I have too be honest I know its not very comfortable to some but anyways I have had many other problems over these last two years with trying to do everything right and feeling guilt all the time and having bad thoughts about God and people all the time and not knowing what are my true heart thoughts and ocd ones. I go to church and feel good sometimes but I just don't have what othrers have in Jesus and I have problems reading the bible cause it scares me all the time and only all the scriptures of hell and damnation and warning seem to get too me. I have always been a negative person all my life since I got trashed in school and made to feel worthless and seeing me for what I am truly am does not help me out. I always feel like God does not care and only made me for garbage and have prayed many times for salvation but I never change I am always the same. I get jealous when others get to pray and have awesome faith on God and experience joy with him but for me I get miserable all the time of reading prayer church etc. When I first started it was not like that. I went through so many ocd things I thought it was Satan picking on me and I would counter these evil thoughts with scripture and I thought I was demon possed and spoke like I was at times and asked in the name of Jesus for Satan to leave me alone etc etc. I feel like after two years I am not saved but all I can do is pray and ask God for help but I feel like I never get any help and he won't hear or listen too me. Has anyone else with ocd gone through something like this? I know ocd is the doubting disease but man I am in a mess here. I fell like going to another church to start all over again but I obsess about not being a true christian born of the holy spirit and just being religious. I am currently going to a Nazarrene church but am thinking about going to a roman catholic church wich is where my grandparents went for many years. I pray someone can maybe help me with some words here but only God can truly save me and help my spiritually. My church counselor says I am saved but what if ( I know the what ifs lol) he is wrong people keep all telling me different things. One says I am saved the other says I keep nailing Jesus to the cross over an over again and is really mad at me right now. I have tried everything I know to do but I have no more ideas anymore. I would expect more change in me if I was trully saved but I don't know anymore. I have too many questions that I would like to type but won't write a book here. Well take care all of you and may God bless you with true faith and perseverance

Eric

 

[secretoceanmystery]

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[marcb]

Hi Eric,

I can relate to most everything you are saying. I was recently "diagnosed" with OCD. It served me well for many years professionally and academically - doubters ask good questions. Lately it has manifested in my spiritual life and it has been scary, confusing, frustrating, distracting, and overall very disturbing. Although I have my moments of fear, panic, etc over where my thoughts could land me in the worst case scenario, when I am rational I hold onto the following ideals:

1. The New Testament is all about redemption and the forgiveness of sins. We OCDers tend to look at it through a skewed lens: prophesies that apply to the wicked. We identify ourselves as especially wicked because of our thoughts, but remember all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory....even our best works are as "filthy rags."

2. The fact that these thoughts disturb you to the point where you are seeking help, means your heart belongs to the Lord and the Holy Spirit is working to keep your soul longing for the Father.

3. It may feel like the devil has your mind. Although I am sure he's hard at work, you might find it helpful to write prayers down. Anxiety makes us mentally tongue tied and often the opposite "thought" will emerge. I have not found this to be the case with writing.

4. I have learned to trust others. As a "doubter" and individualist, this has been difficult and humbling. Trust your counselor, and most importantly trust GOD. All things work together for good for those who love God. If you haven't already, you should see a doctor. God also works through others when someone needs help.

5. You (and your mind) are God's handiwork. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I am sure you have found success with your OCD when you are not in a negative funk. Maybe your calling is to help others with this despair. This has helped me. Believe me, brother, I may be making it sound easy and that I have it together, but the truth is: I DON'T. I am writing this just as much for me and will cc myself.

Believe your beliefs, and more importantly DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS!