Preschool- WWYD

[SarSardonic]

I have a dilemma that is breaking my heart.

My 3 year old is developmentally delayed especially in speech/language.
He started preschool this past January (as soon as he turned 3) while we were living with my inlaws while my husband was away at training.
The plan was that we would all move back when my husband was done training, and my son would transfer to the preschool there.
Plans changed.
The preschool where we were living (and still had our apartment) didn't offer preschool for 3 year olds.
Besides, my husband was scheduled to deploy "soon."
My inlaws talked me into keeping my preschooler with them during that time, so that he wouldn't miss any school. (I and my youngest son were not invited to stay.) Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did.

Now, I'm back in the same state as my son, living in my home town near my family and friends while my husband is deployed, but this town doesn't offer the services my preschooler is receiving where my inlaws live.
They now have him Sunday-Thursday so he can go to preschool there.

I am at a loss of what to do.

I know it's selfish of me to want my son with me and go to a school that doesn't offer as much as the one he's going to.
But, I feel my son should live with me.
Maybe I am selfish, but I don't want to go a year with my son away from me for the majority of the time.

So, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
A. Allow your son to live with your inlaws for the majority of the time so he can go to a better preschool and get the services he needs, even though you'll miss him terribly?
B. Have your son live with you and go to a preschool that offers 3 mornings instead of 4, and only has group speech and occupational therapy instead of both group and individual therapy?
C. When you get a drivable vehicle, get everyone (yourself [which is no problem], your 1 year old, and your preschooler) up really early to drive an hour and a half to and from preschool so your preschooler can get 2 hours of preschool 4 days a week? [Keeping in mind that if the school suspects that your son no longer lives in that town, you'll have to lie, pay fees you can't afford, or your inlaws will fight for him....]

Thoughts? Prayers?

Thank you.

God bless.



****UPDATE****

Thank you all for your opinions and encouragement.

My preschooler is now living with me!
Inlaws are cut off from seeing him for a while.... they fought with me about him going to the school in the district where I live and when I went to pick him up on Thursday (2 weeks ago) they weren't there and weren't answering their cell phones, and didn't show up until hours later no explanation and no apology, then they just went in the house and left him in their car, I took him out, they came back out and lectured me for about half an hour and said good-bye.
He has his IEP meeting next week to figure out the services.
He has had 4 days of preschool so far, and is doing fantastic (no behavior issues like he had in the other school).
Again, thank you all for re-assuring me to make the decision to have my baby boy with me.
God bless you all!

 

[Mayzoo]

You and your other child were not invited to stay, but did you ask if you two could stay with your in-laws? It may be uncomfortable to ask (and to live there), but I think that is what I would do.

 

[cobweb]

Do you know if Tricare covers any kind of supplemental therapy for him?

I have a child with a disability. There is no way that I would leave him with my in-laws for most of the week just so he could get an additional day of therapy.

You are not being selfish in wanting him to live with you.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Contact your local school board and see what services are offered. Here in my state, services are offered by the school board for children as young as 3 and they are free. My ODS was in Speech from 4 years old on. The screening process was completely free, as were the services. They even sent the therapist to him at the preschool he was enrolled in with the frequency that he required.

I would research that possibility, as well as consider asking your in-laws if you and your younger child can stay with them.

Yes, you want what is best for your child developmentally and you want him to thrive. But, not at the expense of his bond with you/his brother - especially since your husband is deployed.

 

[SarSardonic]

The problem is the school district where I am living doesn't offer individual speech or individual occupational therapy at all. They only offer group therapy, and my son needs both.

My inlaws said that we couldn't stay there. It would be too crowded and too difficult. I would have to sleep in the basement with my youngest son (my preschooler shares a room with their 7 year old son). From 9-5 the basement would be off limits because that's where my mother-in-laws office area is and she has to be on a lot of calls and needs quiet.

I hate this so much.

It's my birthday, and I can't even see my son.
(I don't have a vehicle at the moment, and they are unable to make the long drive to drop him off to me, then come back for him to take him to school.)
I have to wait until Thursday evening to see him, then I only have him until Sunday evening. :-(

They won't let him live with me unless I am able to get up and take him to the school where they live every school-day.
(And when I get a working vehicle, I'll have no problem getting every one up at 430am, so we all can be dressed and fed and out of the house by 530, so we can be there on time. I'll have no problem hanging out somewhere with my baby for 2 and a half hours until school gets out, before driving my boys back home.)

They might consider letting him live with me if I can get him the same services here, but they just don't have them.

I just wish he could go to school here. It would be so much easier.

:-(

 

[SarSardonic]

The problem is the school district where I am living doesn't offer individual speech or individual occupational therapy at all. They only offer group therapy, and my son needs both.

My inlaws said that we couldn't stay there. It would be too crowded and too difficult. I would have to sleep in the basement with my youngest son (my preschooler shares a room with their 7 year old son). From 9-5 the basement would be off limits because that's where my mother-in-laws office area is and she has to be on a lot of calls and needs quiet.

I hate this so much.

It's my birthday, and I can't even see my son.
(I don't have a vehicle at the moment, and they are unable to make the long drive to drop him off to me, then come back for him to take him to school.)
I have to wait until Thursday evening to see him, then I only have him until Sunday evening. :-(

They won't let him live with me unless I am able to get up and take him to the school where they live every school-day.
(And when I get a working vehicle, I'll have no problem getting every one up at 430am, so we all can be dressed and fed and out of the house by 530, so we can be there on time. I'll have no problem hanging out somewhere with my baby for 2 and a half hours until school gets out, before driving my boys back home.)

They might consider letting him live with me if I can get him the same services here, but they just don't have them.

I just wish he could go to school here. It would be so much easier.

:-(

 

[cobweb]

Do they have legal custody? If not... how do they get a say where he lives?

He's your son.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Do they have legal custody? If not... how do they get a say where he lives?

He's your son.

This.

 

[SarSardonic]

We wrote out power of attorney for temporary guardianship while I and my son went back to live with my husband for the few weeks before his deployment (so that my inlaws could take him to school and so that they could sign for medical treatment if they needed to before we could get there).

The reason they have a say is because, they have him with them right now.
I don't have a vehicle.
(Plus, they still have all his school stuff, clothes, toys, and his other items that we left for him from when we were living there.)

They say that I would be doing him a huge disservice if I took him out of that school (yet they took their own kids out of that school to send them to private school....)
They've hinted at CPS if I don't get the best school/services for him....

They say they don't trust me to get up and get they boys up and dressed and out the door to drive all that ways to get him to school there on time.
(Which I have no problem doing, I'll just have to wait until I get a vehicle.)

I just want him to go to the school near me, but since this school is only 3 days instead of 4 and they only offer group therapy for speech and occupational therapy instead of both group and individual therapy, it would be doing him a "great disservice" and I'm being "selfish."

I just want my son to be with me.... I'd do anything to have him with me now....

 

[cobweb]

Then be with him. It is just speech therapy. Contact your local Tricare office since your husband is military. You may be able to get therapy for him elsewhere.

I have one who is on the autistic spectrum. There would be no way that I would let my in-laws have that much power over the situation. Contact a lawyer if you have to.

 

[FaithPrevails]

We wrote out power of attorney for temporary guardianship while I and my son went back to live with my husband for the few weeks before his deployment (so that my inlaws could take him to school and so that they could sign for medical treatment if they needed to before we could get there).

The reason they have a say is because, they have him with them right now.
I don't have a vehicle.
(Plus, they still have all his school stuff, clothes, toys, and his other items that we left for him from when we were living there.)

They say that I would be doing him a huge disservice if I took him out of that school (yet they took their own kids out of that school to send them to private school....)
They've hinted at CPS if I don't get the best school/services for him....

They say they don't trust me to get up and get they boys up and dressed and out the door to drive all that ways to get him to school there on time.
(Which I have no problem doing, I'll just have to wait until I get a vehicle.)

I just want him to go to the school near me, but since this school is only 3 days instead of 4 and they only offer group therapy for speech and occupational therapy instead of both group and individual therapy, it would be doing him a "great disservice" and I'm being "selfish."

I just want my son to be with me.... I'd do anything to have him with me now....

Bottom line. He is YOUR son and not theirs. What is your husband's opinion in all of this? I know it may be hard to have regular contact with him, but this is a decision best made between the two of you and without his parents' input, IMO.

Don't let them bully you. If your son would benefit from individual therapy, as well, then you should be able to get it privately if you can't get it through the school board. Look into Tricare services as cobweb mentioned.

 

[ChildByGrace]

TBH, for me, having him with his parent is going to do alot more for him than the schooling. He needs you!

Ok the school near you doesn't offer as much as the one he goes to now but it does offer some of it so he can be with you and still get some good schooling.
For me it would be a case of all of us or none of us.

As someone else mentioned-what does your dh think of the situation?

 

[HazelWings]

****UPDATE****

Thank you all for your opinions and encouragement.

My preschooler is now living with me!
Inlaws are cut off from seeing him for a while.... they fought with me about him going to the school in the district where I live and when I went to pick him up on Thursday (2 weeks ago) they weren't there and weren't answering their cell phones, and didn't show up until hours later no explanation and no apology, then they just went in the house and left him in their car, I took him out, they came back out and lectured me for about half an hour and said good-bye.
He has his IEP meeting next week to figure out the services.
He has had 4 days of preschool so far, and is doing fantastic (no behavior issues like he had in the other school).
Again, thank you all for re-assuring me to make the decision to have my baby boy with me.
God bless you all!

This is FANTASTIC news! When my son was in preschool I would spend about 3 hours most days of the week just DRIVING to get him to his early intervention and private therapy sessions. It's not an easy thing to do, but I'm so glad your son is with you now where he belongs!

 

[FaithPrevails]

I just read the update and am thrilled to see that you have your baby boy back home with you! I'm glad he seems to be thriving in his new school, as well. God bless you and yours!

 

[MommaBuckaroo]

I know this is months late, take it for what it is worth. Homeschool is the best decision I ever made for my kids. I have 2 on the spectrum, one with aspergers/adhd and one with pdd-nos. You do NOT have to have school to help your child the way that he sould be helped. Tricare will cover in home ABA through the ECHO program, we did that combined with homeschool which actually gives my kids MORE ABA therapy and consistency and they have thrived! Just a thought.