Thank you all for your prayers.
I have been reaching out and surrounding myself with believers and encouragers and the like. I even slept next to my mother last night. I am weak. i worked out at the gym for the firs time in about 4 or 5 months on saturday and i went to church sunday morning for the first time since easter and then before that was probably a year or more. I am definitely doing all i can. I talked to an old pastor i used to know who was the one that invited me to his church. He gave me words of encouragement and told me he had a network of pastoral counselors that he knows, as well as his own personal number. I am almost certain to reach out to his associates in the near future when the time is right.
I asked God about 10 minutes ago to come into my heart and dwell within me and be my Lord and Savior. Although my pain is still with me. I believe that there is a possibility that when i pray that He may at the very least be pleased with me. I have a lot on my mind, doubt despair dread and the like. But i am still praying. When i have the ability to pray i will pray.
I appreciate all of you. I wish i could have people like you with me always in person. Working with me at the office and being by my side. As i read your words i feel as though your presence' are with me in some way. I imagined God sitting next to me yesterday in my car. I even put my arm around my passenger seat and imagined hugging Him. I imagined him hugging me too. Although it only lasted for about 20 minutes or so it felt amazing. My feelings are rather volatile ups and downs and sometimes neutral with tiredness with a drained sensation. Please pray for me to have an open heart and to only listen to my heart and be submissive to God. That car story i just told was a moment of openness and tenderness that i lack i believe.
I am filled with joy for you!
It won't be a quick fix, but you will no longer be fighting under your own strength and that will make a world of difference.
Sam (KAC), me and others here are praying for you
, and you know I am always here if you need to talk. I pray the peace of God spreads through you like a warm blanket on a cold night. You have made a huge step towards not just getting your life back on track, but on it being better than ever.
The car story is wonderful. At times I will imagine myself in a beautiful place of nature, with greenery all around a waterfall dropping into a small lake of water. Jesus is sitting on a rock and I am at His feet, my arms wrapped around His legs. Sometimes I spill my heart out, sometimes I weep, sometimes He speaks to my heart, but I always feel more peaceful afterwards. He is your best friend, always with you, always listening, always caring. He loves "car stories" because that is the intimacy He craves with us, and us with Him.
Keep your eyes on Him, you will come out of this stronger than you ever were.
