For a long time now (years) I haven't really felt myself, and I don't know exactly what is behind it all. I feel like a hypocrite and inauthentic most of the time. Its like I have lost myself. Many years ago I experienced something like a dissociative fugue state during which I wasn't able to tell people my correct name, this lasted a couple of days - I seemed to be helped during this time by someone who had mental health training (I think he was a christian) - who asked me to come back and see him until I was clear about my identity.
I had a couple of falls earlier in life when my head hit hard ground, and I felt pretty shattered following these.
The biggest difficulty for me currently is with faith and believing (always seems to have been). I tend to 'intellectualise' the act of faith, and want to understand it in great detail. And to be honest I am not sure what I believe.
I am not sure what the answer is or who to talk to about it. Many counsellors are secular/humanist and I think my difficulties have spiritual aspect...however I haven't always got on great with some Christian counsellors either.
My doctor put me on a med for anxiety/depression years ago, and more recently I have been on Quetipine. But there doesn't seem any clear diagnosis, and all I have been told by the mental health staff is that I just seem to be a 'nervous person'.
I have a question about what was probably the first time I seemed to get a grasp of the gospel. It was for me a very unsettling experience, it had a 'seeing' aspect, but I didn't go through with the response of faith. It doesn't seem possible to have an opportunity like that again, and I wonder were that leaves me, does it constitute an incomplete conversion at some level of my unconscious? Do we get other opportunities?
I had a couple of falls earlier in life when my head hit hard ground, and I felt pretty shattered following these.
The biggest difficulty for me currently is with faith and believing (always seems to have been). I tend to 'intellectualise' the act of faith, and want to understand it in great detail. And to be honest I am not sure what I believe.
I am not sure what the answer is or who to talk to about it. Many counsellors are secular/humanist and I think my difficulties have spiritual aspect...however I haven't always got on great with some Christian counsellors either.
My doctor put me on a med for anxiety/depression years ago, and more recently I have been on Quetipine. But there doesn't seem any clear diagnosis, and all I have been told by the mental health staff is that I just seem to be a 'nervous person'.
I have a question about what was probably the first time I seemed to get a grasp of the gospel. It was for me a very unsettling experience, it had a 'seeing' aspect, but I didn't go through with the response of faith. It doesn't seem possible to have an opportunity like that again, and I wonder were that leaves me, does it constitute an incomplete conversion at some level of my unconscious? Do we get other opportunities?
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