New Chapter: I had hodgkins lymphoma (2)

[anjelica]

Thanks Jimmy. That's what I intend to do - it is my stupid brain that seems to want to remember in order to try and make sense of it all because I was kind of out of it at this time last year. I have lost some months of my life and can hardly remember them and they are kind of coming back and I don't really want that. I think it is some kind of psychological thing that happens. I so wish that I had my sight and then lots of things would feel so much better. Sighs.

 

[Jimmy P]

I get the same way Anjelica...you're not alone...my mind tends to always see the negative side or what was...rather than the good side and where I am now...but either way, it's a major victory and a beautiful celebration...

 

[anjelica]

I agree so much with you Jimmy. I think it is a bit like PTSD - in fact it is quite common I understand to get PTSD following chemotherapy. I can understand it as it is absolutely horrible.

Please don't get me wrong - I do so celebrate being alive. I think it is just this weekend and kind of it is hitting me a lot. But yay, I am still here LOL

 

[Jimmy P]

Well, that was such a traumatic event ya know...very devastating needless to say...

I am proud of you though Anjelica...you have come far my Sister...

 

[anjelica]

Thankyou so much Jimmy. That is really kind of you.

Me and hubby were only talking about it today and I was saying that I had come so far and that in a way I am kind of grateful for what it taught me. I faced things that I thought I could never face and I am totally amazed at myself. I wouldn't want to go back there though LOL

 

[Jimmy P]

Realized you are stronger than you thought?

And what's nice, if/when you talk to other cancer folks, you can help them...you will know how they feel, what they're going through...you can be their hope..

 

[Susie~Q]

I am really proud of you Anji, you have come through this with flying colors, a lot would not have been as strong as you. You are an inspiration to many.

 

[anjelica]

Thankyou so much Jimmy and Susie. Your words mean so much to me.

At the moment, whilst still celebrating that I am actually alive, we are trying to srt out my future and how to manage life from here on and particularly at the moment. Some days I do get very depressed because for some reason the walking is not improving and some days it even goes backwards. I am stuck where I am. Performing everyday tasks is impossible - like washing (no strength in my hands and standing at the sink is impossible too) and eating as I cannot cut my food up (again the problem is pain and lack of strength in my hands) so living day to day is still so very hard and at times depressing - we face the problem now, of the future and how to cope with what I am left with. We do not understand why I am left like this.

So, on this anniversary, we are celebrating the fact that indeed I am alive and here to tell the tale, but facing a future that is fraught with difficulty and also a lot of physical pain. This is why I do try to praise God all the time and thank Him and I do do that but it is still so hard at times. This anniversary is a time for reflection in all kinds of ways. I have come a long way, but still a long long way to go.

At the moment we are having to fight the medical profession and other bodies to get help for me, with my husband being disabled as well. He has to prepare and carry food for me and it is not easy for him either.

Also I need to get new shoes in order to try to walk more as my feet are so swollen and can't get my ordinary shoes on. Also I need things done that require me to go to the doctors office as you call it in America (we say surgery here in England) and I can't get anyone to push me in in my wheelchair. We asked if there was someone there who could come to the car and push me in and thsy said it is not their job and they will not do it.

We face so many day to day problems of just living - so despite my being alive which is a miracle in itself, we struggle a lot too.

I am so grateful to talk with you jimmy and Susie. Your kind words have encouraged me a lot. God bless you both.

 

[Susie~Q]

Thought I would answer before I log off.

I am so sorry you are having all this difficulty. That is horrible that no one will push your wheelchair at the surgery. I can not recall ever running into that problem when I took care of mom, most were willing to help.

Things are tough for you and your husband, but you are strong, you WILL make it we are all here for you and of course, so is God.

Hugs
Susie

 

[anjelica]

((((((((((((SUSIE))))))))))))

Thankyou for being there Susie. I so needed someone to be there for me right now.

Yes it is horrible inn may ways, but yes I am strong also. I know that. I also do know that God is with me. I know that somehow, we will get through. Just need a bit of support and accompaniment right now and you are doing that for me. I am so grateful.

Some wonderful things are happening in the spiritual realm so that is quite amazing. I just need some help physically and the doctor is coming today as we have requested that and we hope to really sort this lot out some way if we can. We need to know just where I am and if I will be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life or even for months and we then need to sort out how I can continue to live my life as I am, with a disabled husband.

I am praying that God will help us here and that today, the doctor will understand our predicament/

Susie, it has gotten very legalistic in our country lately, with people being very touchy about what is their job and responsibility. No one seems to want to take any responsibility for helping me and we do not seem to fit into anyone's framework because of my husband being disabled. They have not had to face a situation like ours before, it seems, and we fall through everone's net and do not meet their rules and requirements for help. I am sick of it but we are trying to fight the system. praying for success with that.

Bless you Jimmy and Susie for coming to my aid at this time.

 

[Jimmy P]

For when you're feeling lost and discouraged, remember, I can do ALL things through Christ...short verse, but powerful...

 

[anjelica]

Thankyou Jimmy and that indeed is so true and so powerful.

I know that in my life, that is what has been happening - that it is only in Christ that I have got through. This will continue - for what else have we but Him?

Thankyou for your kind words and thoughts Jimmy and thankyou Susie also.

 

[anjelica]

Oh what a great day !

 

[anjelica]

Dont Bring Me Down - Electric Light Orchestra - YouTube

 

[anjelica]

Strawbs - Part of the union 1973 - YouTube

 

[anjelica]

WOOO HOOOO WHAT A GAY DAY !

 

[anjelica]

 

[Jimmy P]

Yipeeeeeeeeeee!

You like ELO? Love them, they had some great tunes...

 

[RuthD]

G'day anjelica! May God bless you abundantly!! Love you bff!!

 

[anjelica]

G'Day Jimmy and Ruthie.

woo hooo what a gay day LOL

I am bouncing upppy and downy just like I am meant to LOL

wooo hooo.

Yeah I love ELO Jimmy. He he.