Need some hints and tips for changing parishes

[erin74]

So we've been moved for 6 months now. This is our second parish and our first with dh in charge. We did want to stay where we were longer, but the bishop, and I guess God, had other ideas.

So I am still feeling homesick for our last parish. It is still stopping me committing fully to relationships here. I really enjoy my time with other people here when I spend time with them, but I lack the desire to initiate. I know they say choose to love and the feelings will follow. But when?!?!

So those of you who have been around the block a few more times. Does this get easier? Any tips on adjusting well?

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

Sounds to me that this has been a transition where you've felt quite a loss. Your actions now seem to be as one who is grieving. I would suggest that you give yourself permission to grieve the relationships and place that you loved, but had to move from. I think once you allow yourself some space for that, you will naturally move into newness and begin to desire new relationships where you are.

Can I suggest that you take some time and make sure you have covered your bases by forgiving those involved in this (what seemed premature) transition for you. You may want to forgive the people you are now supposed to be in relationship with. Maybe that sounds wierd, but sometimes we blame people in our hearts in a way that doesn't make sense in our heads. In any case, if it brings you freedom to be in relationship with them, it might be just what is needed.

Heavenly Father, I ask that you bring new mercy and fresh grace into erin74's life. I pray that you would breathe fresh life upon her and bring healing for the relationships and place that she feels prematurely removed from. Lord Jesus, that you would be her portion, her very great reward. May she find you as a faithful friend, during this transition and always. And dear Lord, May she be pleasantly surprised at the gifts you have provided for her in this new place and people. Give her Your eyes to see them with and Your heart to love them. May she be able to receive all the blessings that you have abundantly given to her in this new space in her life. In Jesus Name

 

[Sophia7]

So we've been moved for 6 months now. This is our second parish and our first with dh in charge. We did want to stay where we were longer, but the bishop, and I guess God, had other ideas.

So I am still feeling homesick for our last parish. It is still stopping me committing fully to relationships here. I really enjoy my time with other people here when I spend time with them, but I lack the desire to initiate. I know they say choose to love and the feelings will follow. But when?!?!

So those of you who have been around the block a few more times. Does this get easier? Any tips on adjusting well?

I really liked your ideas about hospitality that you posted in STR. We have had some similar struggles in our current area. People here do not invite each over much and are not always very friendly to newcomers. They have their own friends and families and don't usually think about including others. I sometimes feel hesitant to invite people over myself because with three little kids, our house is not perfect. There are toys all over the floor and fingerprints on the windows and stains on the carpet from things that they have spilled, and I feel so overwhelmed by the tasks of cooking a big meal and getting our house in shape (according to my standards) for company. That's why I liked your comments about lowering the bar and being more laid-back in your approach to hospitality.

This is our second pastoral assignment, also. The first was only for three years, and we made a few close friends there. We still see them occasionally because we moved only about an hour away. What I sometimes still feel "homesick" for is our college experience, when we had lots of friends, and we did some social activity just about every day. Everything changes when you leave that environment and start having kids.

There's nothing wrong with missing the people in your old parish, but I think it is important not to let the grief keep you from trying to establish new relationships. It's hard because if people have to move very often, they tend to hold back from committing too much, knowing that they will eventually have to leave and once again be torn away from friends. A lot of the older pastors that we know, when they went through seminary training, were actually discouraged from establishing close friendships with church members. Fortunately, things have changed in that regard, and my husband was never told anything like that.

I have found it helpful to find ways to go out and make friends outside of my own church because, with a few exceptions, the people in our churches (my husband pastors three) haven't been terribly friendly. However you do it, though, I know how difficult it can be to make the effort at first.

I do believe that if you overcome the lack of desire (or at least ignore it for a little while) enough to try to initiate things, your feelings will change in time. Although you won't feel enthusiastic about it at first, it will get easier to do. I don't know how long it will take, though; I think that depends on the person. For me, things like that take longer than for many other people.

I'll keep you in my prayers.