need advice about Godly relationship

[Ana Rodriguez]

Greetings, I come looking for relationship advice. But first, some context.

I’ve only had two relationships in my life, and both were with intent for marriage. One of them was with someone serious, smart, and somewhat harsh. One of them was very abusive. My dad has also been in and out of my life since I was young. I believe it’s important to disclose these contexts because I still know God can help prepare me to stand by someone confidently, regardless of the trauma of my past. I’ve wanted a family ever since I can remember, I know it’s my path.

All of this is to say - I’ve guarded my heart for two years now - I haven’t even considered dating and I've been doing intense work in therapy. Now, I’ve met someone who seems trustworthy, who’s kind, and wants all the same things I do. However, this is a different friendship/relationship than I’m used to. I think it's important to be with someone who knows when to call you out and lead you. However, he really isn’t like this. He’s sensitive and lets me call all the shots, and I’m not sure if I want that. In all fairness, he’s a little bit younger than me, but I never thought age mattered that much. However, sometimes, I just don’t feel right in the dynamic. I don’t feel as comforted or as safe as I should be with someone I’m considering a future with.

He's very kind, so I wonder if this dynamic is something I can grow into. Especially as someone with my background of abuse. I genuinely need the advice of people who have been in healthy relationships, I don’t have many examples to look up to. I grew up being told that someday my husband would be the spiritual leader of my household and a stronghold in my life, I'm not ready to give up on that. However, in my abusive relationship, I made countless changes for my boyfriend. I don't want to ask this amazing person to change for me.

My questions: is love a thing that can be grown into? Is love a thing that can be partially forced? Am I wrong for wanting what I want?

Thank you for getting through all of this. Anything helps -

Ana

 

[Lybrah]

I can’t force myself to love anyone. No, I don’t think you can force feelings. Love is something you can grow into, but there’s never any guarantee that will happen. I wouldn’t want to be the shotcaller all the time either. Can he make any decisions himself? It’s okay if it’s half and half but you’re right— the man should be doing it. I can’t stand guys calling me up asking me out with no date planned. They want me to pick the place, etc. it’s annoying.

Have a talk with him about this. You say he younger than you but not how much younger. Is he immature? You don’t want a beta man. Take it from there. If you don’t feel safe, I wouldn’t settle.

 

[Fearnot87]

Greetings, I come looking for relationship advice. But first, some context.

I’ve only had two relationships in my life, and both were with intent for marriage. One of them was with someone serious, smart, and somewhat harsh. One of them was very abusive. My dad has also been in and out of my life since I was young. I believe it’s important to disclose these contexts because I still know God can help prepare me to stand by someone confidently, regardless of the trauma of my past. I’ve wanted a family ever since I can remember, I know it’s my path.

All of this is to say - I’ve guarded my heart for two years now - I haven’t even considered dating and I've been doing intense work in therapy. Now, I’ve met someone who seems trustworthy, who’s kind, and wants all the same things I do. However, this is a different friendship/relationship than I’m used to. I think it's important to be with someone who knows when to call you out and lead you. However, he really isn’t like this. He’s sensitive and lets me call all the shots, and I’m not sure if I want that. In all fairness, he’s a little bit younger than me, but I never thought age mattered that much. However, sometimes, I just don’t feel right in the dynamic. I don’t feel as comforted or as safe as I should be with someone I’m considering a future with.

He's very kind, so I wonder if this dynamic is something I can grow into. Especially as someone with my background of abuse. I genuinely need the advice of people who have been in healthy relationships, I don’t have many examples to look up to. I grew up being told that someday my husband would be the spiritual leader of my household and a stronghold in my life, I'm not ready to give up on that. However, in my abusive relationship, I made countless changes for my boyfriend. I don't want to ask this amazing person to change for me.

My questions: is love a thing that can be grown into? Is love a thing that can be partially forced? Am I wrong for wanting what I want?

Thank you for getting through all of this. Anything helps -

Ana

From research , it's proven that it's hard to get 100% partner , however there are key features we must look out in a potential partner such as : Sincerity , Emotion , Value systems , Character , career and spirituality and maybe a few more .
Kindly note that while there are presence of all or some of these features yet you may notice some sort of decificiencies in either Communication or Leadership traits as the case may be which can pose to be a burden in the relationship.
In such case,I will suggest u keep praying,trusting God to change him while you source for materials including seminars by which you can expose him for further personal development in those areas who deem fit .
Moreover if you consider him to be a great potential marital asset , then you can adjust by taking leadership role with with all sense of wisdom and humility while you inspire and encourage to be doing the needful .
I must say ,this is not easy but then I have realized that in life we keep learning and adjusting till our days on earth are ended .
But we mustn't forget that God able to do all things for our betterment
,Therefore prayer /supplication must be our life style .
This is my little Inputs .thanks and God bless youv

 

[Fearnot87]

I can’t force myself to love anyone. No, I don’t think you can force feelings. Love is something you can grow into, but there’s never any guarantee that will happen. I wouldn’t want to be the shotcaller all the time either. Can he make any decisions himself? It’s okay if it’s half and half but you’re right— the man should be doing it. I can’t stand guys calling me up asking me out with no date planned. They want me to pick the place, etc. it’s annoying.

Have a talk with him about this. You say he younger than you but not how much younger. Is he immature? You don’t want a beta man. Take it from there. If you don’t feel safe, I wouldn’t settle.

Perfectly spoken .
Lessons learnt