Melanoma Fears

[Bulan77]

A couple months ago I saw a distressing story in the news about melanoma, and that was enough to send me nearly into a panic. I felt terrified, I was trembling with fear, and asking my poor family members what I should do. And of course, they could only give me the usual answer: Go see a dermatologist.

That night I even asked my husband to photograph each of the moles that troubled me, with a ruler beside it so I could track any growth in them over the next little while. My heart raced the whole time he was doing this for me. He was incredibly supportive!

Anyway, I saw a dermatologist who told me that none of my moles caused her concern. But I wasn't satisfied with that, so I went back and told her I'd like them removed and tested anyway.

So she referred me to a general surgeon. During my consultation with him, he also checked the moles that worried me most, and said matter of factly that none were cancerous.

Both the dermatologist and general surgeon clarified that they couldn't guarantee 100% that no cancer was present, but they both felt there was no cause to worry.

And yet, given the way health anxiety makes the mind work, I can't help but wonder if I'm in the minority of individuals who's been misdiagnosed. You know how that is, right?

Then, just today, I saw a Naturopath about other issues, and in passing she asked me if I've had my moles checked by a dermatologist.

I felt alarmed, of course. Just the fact that she asked me this has caused an anxiety relapse. I'm trying to focus on other things, trying not to let my fear descend into that trembling, panicky phase again.

Somehow I'll have to collect myself and try to be functional and productive between now and my appointment this Wednesday when I get my moles removed, and then again especially until I hear the test results.

But it isn't easy. Does anyone have any tips, or encouragement, or any sort of reassurance in this regard?

One thing I'm trying, in order to distract myself, is to remember what my passions and interests were before this anxiety overtook me. I've always enjoyed things like gardening in the spring, writing and connecting with other like-minded writers, chatting with my Grandparents and recording their memories, recording videos and making memories with my 21-month-old son who's also one of the brightest lights in my life.

 

[RuthD]

Keeping your regular habits and hobbies going is the right thing to do. I had an abnormal mammogram and they told me the abnormal area is thought to be benign. I had such anxiety because they said "thought to" and not known for certain. I was besides myself for a month or so and then I decided to let my mind agree with the doctors and that it was benign. I haven't had any anxiety about it since if that makes sense. I figured they know more than I do about cancer. I'm due for an additional test in July to make sure it is benign or hasn't changed. They said I've had this for years. And that it is tiny. I'm not anxious now but come time for the tests I may be. I'll be praying that all your moles are non cancerous. God bless you.

 

[Bulan77]

RuthD, thank you so much for your kind response and prayers!

I really like the way you put it: "then I decided to let my mind agree with the doctors"

It sure is a choice, isn't it.

I'll be praying for you and about your test results as well. Please keep me updated.

 

[anjelica]

You can drive yourself mad in thinking this way, but Ruth is right. I am speaking from personal experience too. I HAVE had cancer but just been cleared of it only about two weeks ago.

When the final scan was done, I was in agony of fear. I knew that the likelihood was that I would be clear since the previous scan had showed that the chemo was working well. I knew that the doctor expected me to be in remission at the final scan, but my mind played all kinds of tricks on me. It was horrible.

I was in the end cleared but oh boy, the fear that I went through before that happened.

I understand what you are going through.

Praying for you

 

[freezerman2000]

Subdural carcinoma survivor here..When the growth was removed from my back it was the size of a pigeon's egg.
The wait to hear the results of the test was nerve racking for me,but I had the support of family and trust in the Lord on my side..They got it all,and have been clear for 5 years now.
You are not alone in your anxiety,but it sounds like you have a terrific support group right there for you.That and your being proactive about this will see you through this ordeal.
My prayers are with you!

 

[anjelica]

I understand the bit about maybe being the one who has it and being misdiagnosed. Oh boy this fear can really get to you.

I think if you can manage to keep your interests going, it will help a lot. And in the end prayer does help more than anything else, at least it did for me. Stay strong - it will pass.

 

[Bulan77]

You can drive yourself mad in thinking this way, but Ruth is right. I am speaking from personal experience too. I HAVE had cancer but just been cleared of it only about two weeks ago.

When the final scan was done, I was in agony of fear. I knew that the likelihood was that I would be clear since the previous scan had showed that the chemo was working well. I knew that the doctor expected me to be in remission at the final scan, but my mind played all kinds of tricks on me. It was horrible.

I was in the end cleared but oh boy, the fear that I went through before that happened.

I understand what you are going through.

Praying for you

Anjelica, thank you SO much for your kind words and prayers!

I'm thrilled to hear about your test result! Why don't we hear more success stories like yours? A lot of us with health anxiety need to hear those stories! And we need the opportunity to celebrate every victory in the fight against cancer.

I'll be praying for you too!

 

[Bulan77]

I understand the bit about maybe being the one who has it and being misdiagnosed. Oh boy this fear can really get to you.

I think if you can manage to keep your interests going, it will help a lot. And in the end prayer does help more than anything else, at least it did for me. Stay strong - it will pass.

Thank you, Anjelica! If I may ask, did you read any helpful books while you were going through your initial diagnosis and treatment?

 

[Bulan77]

Subdural carcinoma survivor here..When the growth was removed from my back it was the size of a pigeon's egg.
The wait to hear the results of the test was nerve racking for me,but I had the support of family and trust in the Lord on my side..They got it all,and have been clear for 5 years now.
You are not alone in your anxiety,but it sounds like you have a terrific support group right there for you.That and your being proactive about this will see you through this ordeal.
My prayers are with you!

Firstly, let me say I love that animated GIF in your signature. It's been years since I watched Mary Poppins.

Secondly, thank you so much for the encouragement, freezerman. I'm very happy to hear your treatment was successful, and that you had a support network to help you through.

I appreciate the affirmation about being proactive. While medical tests scare the living daylights out of me, I know that ignoring/avoiding them will only make my anxiety worse at the end of the day.

So I tell myself that, even if they do find cancer, I'll have a better chance of fighting it because it's been found much earlier than if I were to listen to my doctors and leave the moles alone.

In fact, my dermatologist initially discouraged me from having them removed. She didn't think it was worth giving myself those scars for the sake of moles that look innocent. Her concern was aesthetic, whereas mine is purely about health. Having a child has rearranged my values quite a bit. Blemishes and scars aren't worth comparing to the privilege of being alive and living long enough to watch my child grow up.

 

[anjelica]

Bulan, no I didn't really read any helpful books as I was too sick to read.

My cancer was hodgkins lymphoma, and I had been sick for a long time before it was diagnosed. Early testing for cancer is vital and you are so right to want to be tested and I so understand also the fear that goes with that, and the wish also to put it off. But as you say, it is best to get tested anyway.

My cancer was discovered at Stage 3b and it had gone to my neck, chest, abdomen, and armpits. Hodgkins lymphoma is a cancer of the lymphatic system and it goes to the lymph nodes all over the body. It is taken there by the blood, and so it is a blood cancer. But it makes cancers all over. I had some really large ones that were pressing on my heart at one side and my left lung on the other side. Also some pressing on my aorta. So I was in a bad way although I didn't realise how bad at the time.

I am now officially in remission, and yes it is a good story in many ways, but if my doctor had failed to find it for much longer then I would not be here now.

So as you say, early diagnosis is so important.

 

[Bulan77]

Wow, what a story, Anjelica!

 

[Bulan77]

I'm feeling more nervous as the morning wears on... Several moles will be removed today, and I'm worried about biopsy results.

I'm trying to stay positive... After all, if they do find cancer, it will be caught much earlier than if I had listened to my dermatologist and left them all alone.

Still, the thought also occurs to me that they might find stage IV melanoma, and I'm struggling not to let get the best of me...

If you have any stories or tips to share about getting through this waiting period, it would be a needed boost for me at the moment...

Thank you.

 

[anjelica]

The waiting period is terrible. I do know !!!!

Haven't got any real tips except to say that you know you are following the best course and if it is anything it will be caught early.

Just try to keep busy but I know that's hard and whatever you are doing you still think about it. I am sorry you are having to go through this. It is horrible

 

[anjelica]

I don't know if I am allowed to put my email address in this reply - I would like to so that you have it - hope you read this and we can be in touch.

 

[Bulan77]

Thanks, Anjelica. I just sent you a private message.

 

[Bulan77]

I'm surprised how relieved I feel, now that I've had the worrisome moles removed--all ten of them!

The surgeon said he'd be extremely (he used a handful of adjectives here) surprised if any of my moles tested positive for cancer. According to him, they were all normal.

So, here's hoping.

On the down side, it'll take three weeks for the results to come back. That's a longer wait than I expected. A tad unnerving.

 

[anjelica]

It sure is unnerving Bulan. I feel it will all come out well for you. Stay strong. Praying it all goes well.

 

[Bulan77]

Thank you, anjelica!