I married my wife thinking 6 years ago "I felt it" "doing the rite thing" "I love her".. We had been together a year before we decided to tie the knot and my mother had passed away 6 months before I met her.
She is 6 years older than me. I am 35 now and she is 40. My first marriage and her second. 1 stepson.
Our life married has been terrible. I have put up with her fits of rage now for as long as I can remember, demands, outings only with her family. (Sisters and Mother). I have lived only to please her and make her happy. I can happily say I have been faithful to her throughout our whole time together. But this past few months were bad. I demands, more demands and I am not doing enough.
She has a passion for horses for one. I quickly learned that I come last in that equation. She became mad at me for quitting going to church. You know why I stopped? Because it utterly made me sick we go to church she might sing on stage etc. Say love and hugs then we get home and she is cussing me out! Using F# words over me using a bathroom towel.
I gave her my best. I bought us a home, her a nice car, all I cared for was her. But I could not keep pretending to go to the barn every single day to feed horses and church like "I LOVE LIFE".
So we decided we are ending this on no-fault grounds and will remain friends. My stepson is taking it hard. He grabbed me crying when we told him. I cried with him to. I do love him. While she sat there with cold eyes and a cold looking heart. It really startled me she was this cold. I assured my stepson this was not his doing, that he is a wonderful child and that everything will be ok. That his mother and I will be friends. He can contact me anytime he needs me. But that tore a hole in me so huge.
Children- We lost our first and only child to ectopic pregnancy at the beginning of the marriage. She and I thought we could but the complications to her left her unable to have a child. I loved her despite that!
Myself? I would respond in kind to her anger at times and did not like it. I did not like being this way. I wanted a partner to have intellectual talks with and only to always be turned away with "thats dumb". I just about lost my mind in this marriage. I like peace. I respect life. Meaning I respect all living creatures to have harmony. I will never doubt my inner voice again. You know the "gut feeling".
Many felt I married to soon after my mother died. Possibly so. But, I do not regret it. If anything I have learned much about life from this. It has been a marriage on the rocks since the start. It has been alot of turmoil. We did counseling. We did counseling with Ministers. I lived the way she wanted me to so I could get my "award for being a good boy" type thing. This is not the man she met long ago.
I came to were I felt I could do nothing on my own without her permission. I honestly danced around her to avoid her anger and anger flashes. Now I am simply tired of it all. I have prayed. I have cried. I have stayed up nights blaming myself for all of these problems. Then I was told it is not me. She is possibly Bi-polar and needs help. Well I tried to gget her that help. She was receptive at first but then told me the doctor told her she would not be able to have kids if she did. Which now I think was a lie.
I have caught her in lies. It all broke my heart. But I look in the mirror and that guy was the one that started all of this!
My love for Jesus Christ is true. That won't change. But I need prayer. I need your support. I have turned to my friends, family, etc. and found support their also. But I need Christian support.
Pray we will end our marriage peaceful like she says we will. Pray the house will sell. Pray I will be able to get my life back together and get to know me.
I need to learn who I am again but on a deeper level. I need to be my best friend. This way I can be true to a future love. I gave up myself in this marriage which is bad. So this is why I am at this point.
I remember having girlfriends in the past I could talk to for hours. I was with for 3 years. We both could talk for hours. I lend her money she would pay back when I never expected it. She would build me up. She would come over to my house and frame my accomplishments on the wall. That is the kind of person I have not been with in a long time. Also she is an example. My wife has been the opposite of all of that.
Sorry to ramble. But I am in a crisis. I am not staying in the area. I am going to move out of state. I am going to continue working on my career in radio. I think go back to school for something!
Please pray for me. Her. and my Step-Son.
God Bless You All and Thank You for listening.
She is 6 years older than me. I am 35 now and she is 40. My first marriage and her second. 1 stepson.
Our life married has been terrible. I have put up with her fits of rage now for as long as I can remember, demands, outings only with her family. (Sisters and Mother). I have lived only to please her and make her happy. I can happily say I have been faithful to her throughout our whole time together. But this past few months were bad. I demands, more demands and I am not doing enough.
She has a passion for horses for one. I quickly learned that I come last in that equation. She became mad at me for quitting going to church. You know why I stopped? Because it utterly made me sick we go to church she might sing on stage etc. Say love and hugs then we get home and she is cussing me out! Using F# words over me using a bathroom towel.
I gave her my best. I bought us a home, her a nice car, all I cared for was her. But I could not keep pretending to go to the barn every single day to feed horses and church like "I LOVE LIFE".
So we decided we are ending this on no-fault grounds and will remain friends. My stepson is taking it hard. He grabbed me crying when we told him. I cried with him to. I do love him. While she sat there with cold eyes and a cold looking heart. It really startled me she was this cold. I assured my stepson this was not his doing, that he is a wonderful child and that everything will be ok. That his mother and I will be friends. He can contact me anytime he needs me. But that tore a hole in me so huge.
Children- We lost our first and only child to ectopic pregnancy at the beginning of the marriage. She and I thought we could but the complications to her left her unable to have a child. I loved her despite that!
Myself? I would respond in kind to her anger at times and did not like it. I did not like being this way. I wanted a partner to have intellectual talks with and only to always be turned away with "thats dumb". I just about lost my mind in this marriage. I like peace. I respect life. Meaning I respect all living creatures to have harmony. I will never doubt my inner voice again. You know the "gut feeling".
Many felt I married to soon after my mother died. Possibly so. But, I do not regret it. If anything I have learned much about life from this. It has been a marriage on the rocks since the start. It has been alot of turmoil. We did counseling. We did counseling with Ministers. I lived the way she wanted me to so I could get my "award for being a good boy" type thing. This is not the man she met long ago.
I came to were I felt I could do nothing on my own without her permission. I honestly danced around her to avoid her anger and anger flashes. Now I am simply tired of it all. I have prayed. I have cried. I have stayed up nights blaming myself for all of these problems. Then I was told it is not me. She is possibly Bi-polar and needs help. Well I tried to gget her that help. She was receptive at first but then told me the doctor told her she would not be able to have kids if she did. Which now I think was a lie.
I have caught her in lies. It all broke my heart. But I look in the mirror and that guy was the one that started all of this!
My love for Jesus Christ is true. That won't change. But I need prayer. I need your support. I have turned to my friends, family, etc. and found support their also. But I need Christian support.
Pray we will end our marriage peaceful like she says we will. Pray the house will sell. Pray I will be able to get my life back together and get to know me.
I need to learn who I am again but on a deeper level. I need to be my best friend. This way I can be true to a future love. I gave up myself in this marriage which is bad. So this is why I am at this point.
I remember having girlfriends in the past I could talk to for hours. I was with for 3 years. We both could talk for hours. I lend her money she would pay back when I never expected it. She would build me up. She would come over to my house and frame my accomplishments on the wall. That is the kind of person I have not been with in a long time. Also she is an example. My wife has been the opposite of all of that.
Sorry to ramble. But I am in a crisis. I am not staying in the area. I am going to move out of state. I am going to continue working on my career in radio. I think go back to school for something!
Please pray for me. Her. and my Step-Son.
God Bless You All and Thank You for listening.
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