Internet Addiction and MD

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

I spend hours every day on the internet and I don’t like to be separated from it. When I am, I get very grumpy and moody and it causes some problems with my relationships with my family, especially my sister who I am normally very close to. I realize that part of the reason I like talking to people on the internet is because they actually talk to me (my friends irl don’t answer my texts) and I can talk to people who share similar interests (my family doesn’t have an interest in the things I’m interested in). Also, I only see the good side of people on the internet. They can act nice when they use social media, but no one is perfect and we all have a dark side, the part of us that will die along with our bodies when we go to heaven. I don’t see this side of people on the internet, but I do see that side of my family. One of my sisters has said that she didn’t love anyone in the family and another will sometimes fly into a rage and say she’ll murder everyone.

When I’m not on the internet, I’m daydreaming. (I didn’t know where to post about Maladaptive Daydreaming, I’m assuming I do it here because it’s like an addiction to daydreaming???) I spend hours a day daydreaming and I can’t stop thinking about my imaginary characters, storylines, and places. I repeat the same scenes in my head over and over again. Scenes of intense emotion that will make me smile or cry in real life. These can either be scenes where something dramatic happens, or it could be a more intimate scene. I’ve never even dated someone before irl, but I can’t stop replaying sexual scenes in my head, and I can feel what it’s like, even though I’ve never experienced it irl. It’s not the kind of thoughts I want in my head, especially when I think about it obsessively while I’m supposed to be doing school or studying the Bible. It also has pushed me away from my family, because I can control my imaginary characters personalities. They will never hurt me or do anything I don’t like unless I want them to (they get brainwashed sometimes in my sci fi world, and it’s not their fault) I can’t control my family.

if you read all this, thank you. Please tell me if you have any idea of how to help or if you’re going through something similar.
TYSM,
Vesper

 

[angelsaroundme]

I've had some friends in the real world. We were at least able to relate on video games and church. On the other hand, there was a lot I couldn't talk to them about and when I sent them messages, almost none replied, even when I moved states away. I pretty much always felt like I was in my head even when around other people. Sometimes I could connect pretty well yet it seemed easier to connect online since in real life, especially guys with other guys, there can be an unspoken law against serious conversations or anything slightly out of the ordinary.

I've been a daydreamer most of my life. I feel like it can be a great blessing. It helps me manage my mood and not be bored like other people. But it can also be like a TV show in my head that I can't turn off and be distracting. It's taken a long time to get better at balancing my daydreaming and my interacting with people in real life.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

I've had some friends in the real world. We were at least able to relate on video games and church. On the other hand, there was a lot I couldn't talk to them about and when I sent them messages, almost none replied, even when I moved states away. I pretty much always felt like I was in my head even when around other people. Sometimes I could connect pretty well yet it seemed easier to connect online since in real life, especially guys with other guys, there can be an unspoken law against serious conversations or anything slightly out of the ordinary.

I've been a daydreamer most of my life. I feel like it can be a great blessing. It helps me manage my mood and not be bored like other people. But it can also be like a TV show in my head that I can't turn off and be distracting. It's taken a long time to get better at balancing my daydreaming and my interacting with people in real life.

Thank you for helping and thank you for reading my long thread! How were you able to balance daydreaming and real life?

 

[angelsaroundme]

Thank you for helping and thank you for reading my long thread! How were you able to balance daydreaming and real life?

I was glad to. It's nice when you can relate to someone. ^-^

Hmm, part of it is how my perspective has changed on the internet. I once had a strong preference for it. Then more and more drama came to the internet. A lot of internet culture isn't as friendly as it once was. Now many people are there worst selves online rather than their best selves. Because they think attacking people doesn't count if its online. Not all communities are like this, but enough to where I now appreciate the regular world more, where people are less likely to pick fights and a lot are just trying to relax and see the beauty in nature. I guess a lot of it depends on who you are around though.

In the past I liked serious conversations more because they rarely got negative. Now it's so much more common for them to become toxic that I don't mind small talk as much.

I'm still a daydreamer in a lot of ways though. I feel like writing can help since you get ideas and characters down and then maybe for a while you focus on other stuff. You're not worried about forgetting them or them fading away. It's kind of like spending quality time with your imagination so then you can spend quality time with people... if that makes sense.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

I was glad to. It's nice when you can relate to someone. ^-^

Hmm, part of it is how my perspective has changed on the internet. I once had a strong preference for it. Then more and more drama came to the internet. A lot of internet culture isn't as friendly as it once was. Now many people are there worst selves online rather than their best selves. Because they think attacking people doesn't count if its online. Not all communities are like this, but enough to where I now appreciate the regular world more, where people are less likely to pick fights and a lot are just trying to relax and see the beauty in nature. I guess a lot of it depends on who you are around though.

In the past I liked serious conversations more because they rarely got negative. Now it's so much more common for them to become toxic that I don't mind small talk as much.

I'm still a daydreamer in a lot of ways though. I feel like writing can help since you get ideas and characters down and then maybe for a while you focus on other stuff. You're not worried about forgetting them or them fading away. It's kind of like spending quality time with your imagination so then you can spend quality time with people... if that makes sense.

Thank you! And you’re right, internet conversations can get toxic. Today I commented something saying that the Covid vaccine was a choice, and I didn’t mean to offend anyone with a different view, but I got a lot of hate. On THIS WEBSITE! I had to stop replying because the conversation was getting toxic. I didn’t want to offend anyone, I thought a Christian site would be more open minded and less hateful to other opinions. I didn’t come here for political conversations, I usually try to avoid politics. But most of the people I’ve talked to have been really nice and usually show their good side when they are online.
Thank you for the advice! I really like writing (I’ve written a 280 page book) but I’ve not done it in a while. That might be part of my problem.
Thank you so so so much!

 

[angelsaroundme]

Thank you! And you’re right, internet conversations can get toxic. Today I commented something saying that the Covid vaccine was a choice, and I didn’t mean to offend anyone with a different view, but I got a lot of hate. On THIS WEBSITE! I had to stop replying because the conversation was getting toxic. I didn’t want to offend anyone, I thought a Christian site would be more open minded and less hateful to other opinions. I didn’t come here for political conversations, I usually try to avoid politics. But most of the people I’ve talked to have been really nice and usually show their good side when they are online.
Thank you for the advice! I really like writing (I’ve written a 280 page book) but I’ve not done it in a while. That might be part of my problem.
Thank you so so so much!

It's sad but that is how anything remotely political is these days. Things get heated very fast. I try to stay away from those convos but they take up more and more of the internet space. I'm happy to hear most people you encounter are being friendly.

Your welcome! I feel there are some of us who almost need to write semi-regularly. Maybe we have an excess of imagination and creative energy. Your mood might improve if you write again. A good writing day makes the world seem better.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

It's sad but that is how anything remotely political is these days. Things get heated very fast. I try to stay away from those convos but they take up more and more of the internet space. I'm happy to hear most people you encounter are being friendly.

Your welcome! I feel there are some of us who almost need to write semi-regularly. Maybe we have an excess of imagination and creative energy. Your mood might improve if you write again. A good writing day makes the world seem better.

People get so defensive when anything political comes up, like they have to defend their viewpoints. Can’t we all just agree to disagree and move on?
A writing day definitely does make the world seem better! I agree, some people almost have to write. I think God made people like this to praise him with their writing. I believe these are the type of people who God inspired to write the Bible, and writers of Christian books. I hope to one day write a Christian book and publish it.

 

[angelsaroundme]

People get so defensive when anything political comes up, like they have to defend their viewpoints. Can’t we all just agree to disagree and move on?
A writing day definitely does make the world seem better! I agree, some people almost have to write. I think God made people like this to praise him with their writing. I believe these are the type of people who God inspired to write the Bible, and writers of Christian books. I hope to one day write a Christian book and publish it.

That's the same attitude I have. People rarely change their minds so arguing is a waste of energy.

I was going to say something like that! About how God made us this way for a reason. I hope you are able to write that book and put it out there. You could inspire a lot of people. ^-^

 

[Petros2015]

I didn’t know where to post about Maladaptive Daydreaming, I’m assuming I do it here because it’s like an addiction to daydreaming?

That's interesting, I've never heard the term before.

Fantasy worlds/day dream worlds, I'm familiar with. Computergames, role playing games, all of these things 'take us out' of our real life selves. We get to 'write the script' for the stories that go on in our heads, and emotional addiction can be a real thing. It's easier to love someone in the mind, or far away than up close and personal. It costs me nothing to think or to feel "I love you" in the absence of an actual person, because the "you" isn't "them" and the love isn't love; it's just my imagination of emotion and the person. And of course I can make an imagination as easy to love or as easy to hate as I please. It's trickier when it's an actual person and not my imagination of a person standing in front of me. They go off script so often!

One thing your imagination can't do though, is surprise you. Only people can do that, and the only way to see that the surprises can be good is to stick around a bit in the real world. It's a trust exercise, working in both directions since there are two real people involved. Doesn't always pan out, but the real world is almost as big a place as the imaginary one, and (ironically) a lot more varied.

I don’t see this side of people on the internet

Heh. Stick around, I'm sure you will. But, kind of like the daydreaming, since it's a few steps removed from actual contact, it acts a bit like a Rorschach test... for a while at least - you'll see what you want to see since you are really only seeing a few ink blots, until something becomes convincingly unavoidable in the other direction.

The solution for Maladaptive Daydreaming I guess would be Adaptive Real Life living.

Good luck - I can only tell you that MD is not the way to go, having been there myself, one way or another.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

That's the same attitude I have. People rarely change their minds so arguing is a waste of energy.

I was going to say something like that! About how God made us this way for a reason. I hope you are able to write that book and put it out there. You could inspire a lot of people. ^-^

Thank you! I hope so too!

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

That's interesting, I've never heard the term before.

Fantasy worlds/day dream worlds, I'm familiar with. Computergames, role playing games, all of these things 'take us out' of our real life selves. We get to 'write the script' for the stories that go on in our heads, and emotional addiction can be a real thing. It's easier to love someone in the mind, or far away than up close and personal. It costs me nothing to think or to feel "I love you" in the absence of an actual person, because the "you" isn't "them" and the love isn't love; it's just my imagination of emotion and the person. And of course I can make an imagination as easy to love or as easy to hate as I please. It's trickier when it's an actual person and not my imagination of a person standing in front of me. They go off script so often!

One thing your imagination can't do though, is surprise you. Only people can do that, and the only way to see that the surprises can be good is to stick around a bit in the real world. It's a trust exercise, working in both directions since there are two real people involved. Doesn't always pan out, but the real world is almost as big a place as the imaginary one, and (ironically) a lot more varied.



Heh. Stick around, I'm sure you will. But, kind of like the daydreaming, since it's a few steps removed from actual contact, it acts a bit like a Rorschach test... for a while at least - you'll see what you want to see since you are really only seeing a few ink blots, until something becomes convincingly unavoidable in the other direction.

The solution for Maladaptive Daydreaming I guess would be Adaptive Real Life living.

Good luck - I can only tell you that MD is not the way to go, having been there myself, one way or another.

Thank you for the advice

 

[Sparagmos]

Thank you! And you’re right, internet conversations can get toxic. Today I commented something saying that the Covid vaccine was a choice, and I didn’t mean to offend anyone with a different view, but I got a lot of hate. On THIS WEBSITE! I had to stop replying because the conversation was getting toxic. I didn’t want to offend anyone, I thought a Christian site would be more open minded and less hateful to other opinions. I didn’t come here for political conversations, I usually try to avoid politics. But most of the people I’ve talked to have been really nice and usually show their good side when they are online.
Thank you for the advice! I really like writing (I’ve written a 280 page book) but I’ve not done it in a while. That might be part of my problem.
Thank you so so so much!

I was on that thread and saw nothing remotely hateful, just people disagreeing with you. Telling someone they are wrong isn’t hateful, and accusing people of such when they are simply expressing strong disagreement is really unfair.

As for the topic in this thread -do you have access to a licensed therapist? I know if you still live with your parents you may not or you may not have insurance. But the things you are struggling with are real issues for many and an expert can help you with them.

 

[Vesper_Jaye✝️]

I was on that thread and saw nothing remotely hateful, just people disagreeing with you. Telling someone they are wrong isn’t hateful, and accusing people of such when they are simply expressing strong disagreement is really unfair.

As for the topic in this thread -do you have access to a licensed therapist? I know if you still live with your parents you may not or you may not have insurance. But the things you are struggling with are real issues for many and an expert can help you with them.

People can have different opinions and that’s fine with me. People might not have been extremely hateful, but the way they were talking didn’t seem very friendly. I know I wasn’t being as nice as I could have been either, and I have learned my lesson not to comment on posts like that again unless I want those kinds of comments.
I do still live with my parents, but they said that they will try to find a counselor.