- Feb 19, 2017
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Hey everyone,
So, I've had a rough time with religion throughout my life. I first started off as Muslim, born and raised as such until the age of 18 when I moved out of my mom's house. From there, I lived with my grandparents and, while I appreciate what they've done for me in taking me in at such a critical point in my life, I feel like they pressured me into becoming Catholic. While living with them, I had started to believe in Jesus as my Lord and savior, but it was in a more Protestant way than it was a Catholic way.
I really wanted to get full-immersion baptized in a Protestant church, but because my grandparents are Catholic, there was a strong expectation that if I were to be a Christian, I would have to be Catholic too. Doing much against their wishes was out of the question because I was under their roof, so I tried as hard as I could to force myself to believe. I took the Rites of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) classes as one does if converting to Catholicism as an adult, and I got sprinkle-baptized by a priest in 2020. My grandma had told me that getting baptized would be my ticket to heaven because those who aren't baptized go to Hell, so I wanted to have a baptism as a "just-in-case" ticket.
In 2021 I moved out of my grandparents' house to live with my aunt and that's when I stopped going to church. After years of feeling forced to go to church in a specific way in order to keep up appearances, I finally felt free to choose my own path. That's when I started rebelling against Islam AND Catholicism by dabbling in witchcraft and pagan practices. Clearly I was still lost, and my soul was still so hungry for something other than Agnosticism.
I continued to go in circles again and again, trying to find the place for me. At one point this year, I tried being Catholic again thinking that maybe this time it would work, but it didn't no matter how many explanations for Catholicism I looked into. I simply cannot force myself to believe what I do not believe, I've come to realize. So I moved on.
Eventually, after another break from church, I let myself start reading the Bible and started talking to a woman online whose faith was fascinating to me. She believes that we are saved through faith alone, not through earning our way to Heaven through good works along with our faith, and that's part of what I was believing when I first looked at Christianity.
I got up my courage and started going to church again at a non-denominational church. I had been to a Methodist and Non-Denominational church before, but both churches were "LGBT Affirming" churches. While those churches seemed outwardly cozy, something inside of me said, "No, let's go to a church where homosexuality and transgenderism isn't encouraged, just to see what it's like." So I went ahead and went to a different non-denominational church this time. I'm really glad that I did too, because they have a service on Sunday evenings specifically for young adults (though everyone is welcome, of course), and during the services they actually have you open up your Bible and guide you verse by verse while explaining things! How awesome is that??
Anyways, I ended up learning more about the church and things that they offered. I started attending a 12-step program of sorts through their church that's open to anyone facing any type of struggle, not just alcohol or substance abuse issues. And then, three weeks ago, I got re-baptized in the way I always wanted to be baptized. I shared a condensed version of my testimony (and I'm glad that I did because someone later told me they related as an ex-Muslim, and we can be pretty hard to find sometimes), and then I was full-immersion baptized. The reason for this re-baptism is because I wanted to use it as a public declaration of faith in the eyes of the church community, not like a "just-in-case" ticket to Heaven.
So yeah, that's what I wanted to share. God bless us, everyone!
[Note: To any Catholics reading this, my experiences may not be in line with your own and that's okay. I harbor no ill-will towards my Catholic brothers and sisters in Christ, I just don't believe in some of the teachings of the Catholic Church... And no, I'm not really interested in debating it either, even in DMs.
]
So, I've had a rough time with religion throughout my life. I first started off as Muslim, born and raised as such until the age of 18 when I moved out of my mom's house. From there, I lived with my grandparents and, while I appreciate what they've done for me in taking me in at such a critical point in my life, I feel like they pressured me into becoming Catholic. While living with them, I had started to believe in Jesus as my Lord and savior, but it was in a more Protestant way than it was a Catholic way.
I really wanted to get full-immersion baptized in a Protestant church, but because my grandparents are Catholic, there was a strong expectation that if I were to be a Christian, I would have to be Catholic too. Doing much against their wishes was out of the question because I was under their roof, so I tried as hard as I could to force myself to believe. I took the Rites of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) classes as one does if converting to Catholicism as an adult, and I got sprinkle-baptized by a priest in 2020. My grandma had told me that getting baptized would be my ticket to heaven because those who aren't baptized go to Hell, so I wanted to have a baptism as a "just-in-case" ticket.
In 2021 I moved out of my grandparents' house to live with my aunt and that's when I stopped going to church. After years of feeling forced to go to church in a specific way in order to keep up appearances, I finally felt free to choose my own path. That's when I started rebelling against Islam AND Catholicism by dabbling in witchcraft and pagan practices. Clearly I was still lost, and my soul was still so hungry for something other than Agnosticism.
I continued to go in circles again and again, trying to find the place for me. At one point this year, I tried being Catholic again thinking that maybe this time it would work, but it didn't no matter how many explanations for Catholicism I looked into. I simply cannot force myself to believe what I do not believe, I've come to realize. So I moved on.
Eventually, after another break from church, I let myself start reading the Bible and started talking to a woman online whose faith was fascinating to me. She believes that we are saved through faith alone, not through earning our way to Heaven through good works along with our faith, and that's part of what I was believing when I first looked at Christianity.
I got up my courage and started going to church again at a non-denominational church. I had been to a Methodist and Non-Denominational church before, but both churches were "LGBT Affirming" churches. While those churches seemed outwardly cozy, something inside of me said, "No, let's go to a church where homosexuality and transgenderism isn't encouraged, just to see what it's like." So I went ahead and went to a different non-denominational church this time. I'm really glad that I did too, because they have a service on Sunday evenings specifically for young adults (though everyone is welcome, of course), and during the services they actually have you open up your Bible and guide you verse by verse while explaining things! How awesome is that??
Anyways, I ended up learning more about the church and things that they offered. I started attending a 12-step program of sorts through their church that's open to anyone facing any type of struggle, not just alcohol or substance abuse issues. And then, three weeks ago, I got re-baptized in the way I always wanted to be baptized. I shared a condensed version of my testimony (and I'm glad that I did because someone later told me they related as an ex-Muslim, and we can be pretty hard to find sometimes), and then I was full-immersion baptized. The reason for this re-baptism is because I wanted to use it as a public declaration of faith in the eyes of the church community, not like a "just-in-case" ticket to Heaven.
So yeah, that's what I wanted to share. God bless us, everyone!
[Note: To any Catholics reading this, my experiences may not be in line with your own and that's okay. I harbor no ill-will towards my Catholic brothers and sisters in Christ, I just don't believe in some of the teachings of the Catholic Church... And no, I'm not really interested in debating it either, even in DMs.
]
