Do I want to live in this world? By it's ways? I don't know. I don't want to want that. I struggle with this I don't know why it feels like this. I don't want to be worldly or sin but it feels like I still want to because I might gain something from it like power wealth respect, my own pleasures and such, what I know there is no value of. I went into faith because of the wrong reasons, maybe. I know that to turn back would be foolish. I doubt the Bibles teachings at times. I just want truth. I feel like my temptations are very strong. I want to trust Jesus but I have things like what others think about me as a hinderence. I want to trust Jesus if He is the truth and be secure in that. I believe I went into faith by fear.
Hello again. I had to edit my post slightly, as I've already spoken to you. I'm encouraged to read about such a young person who is sincerely searching for the truth. At the age you are now, I was busy with worldly affairs, and my search for truth wouldn't begin until a year or two later. Even then, it would take many more years of searching and going down different paths before I finally submitted to Jesus Christ as "the Way, the Truth and the Life".
You say you went into faith by fear. Of what? Hell? Well we, as Christians, know that we have nothing to fear. Nothing! For Christ has conquered death and hell by His work on the cross and we will join Him in the new creation. Does that mean we won't experience fear? No. We will. But that we know God is there right by us holding our hand, and by Him we have the strength to face and quell the fear, like Jesus calming the storm.
Do you know how many times God tells us not to fear in the Bible? Neither do I, but I know it's a lot.
I wonder if you've had a real conviction of sin - in the sense of feeling the weight of sin that's been inherited from Adam and Eve all through the generations to you, and how that sin now affects you. I wonder if you have experienced repentance for your sins.
But you are still young. Sometimes it takes a life of experiencing the other side, so to speak -the worldly life of all the pleasures of the senses. But I wouldn't recommend that path by choice. You have wisdom though. You know that path is fruitless. Come into the Body of Christ where happiness, friendship and peace resides.
I will continue to pray for you, that God sends His Blessings upon you and guides you into fellowship.
If you can, try and meet with other Christians in your area.
I'll leave these verses here, as I pray. God Bless
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34:4-8)
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)