- Mar 25, 2024
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- United States
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- Catholic
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- Celibate
I was raised Catholic, except that we were not devout. We went to Mass on Sunday and the rest of the week we lived like... everyone else in the secular world. So it was not surprising that I ended up not doing well, spiritually. I had a big conversion experience as a teen, but as the years went by and my family made it clear they were not with me spiritually, etc... I fell away from Jesus, although I continued to love Him "my way." So anyway, my life became a colossal mess of sin, and several times I felt like ending it all... LONG story. Then I had a 2nd conversion 20 some years ago, began going to Mass, which I had not done since a youth. It was a holy experience, met an awesome priest... and I began studying Catholicism, history/doctrine, etc. I agreed with all that the ancient Catholic Church taught, yet the CC stopped teaching a lot of that, more/less, due to the modernizations that happened @ Vatican II. I didn't study V2 until just a few years ago, and boy, was it a shocker! All Christians should study up on the late Catholic archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, who disagreed heartily with V2. He wrote books on the disagreements and etc.. and I could find no argument w/ him. But then I moved on Sedevacantism and.. well, I couldn't disagree w/ them either, except for one thing. Basically, the Sedes say that Jesus cannot be found in the new church, as they call it, since they do not have a valid Eucharist. I disagreed once w/ a Sede on this because the awesome priest aforementioned had told me about the Real Presence and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced.. But the Sede said I was just imagining this Presence of Christ (in "new church") and just shut me out of his life completely--over THAT. So much for charity! I thought that was basically what Jesus focused on? If you can shut people out, stop communicating with them altogether, people who agree with you RE Jesus 99% of the time...(!). I mean, I don't get that.
So now I feel I am in this weird no-man's land. .. I have to say that I've had some very negative experiences in the "new church" also, problems that make that problem with the Sede (above) look like Heaven on Earth... SIGH. I can see why Jesus said that FEW find the narrow way to Heaven... It seems so many people are focused on religious beliefs and how right they are and everyone else therefore has to be totally wrong... rather than on what God requires of us.
So now I feel I am in this weird no-man's land. .. I have to say that I've had some very negative experiences in the "new church" also, problems that make that problem with the Sede (above) look like Heaven on Earth... SIGH. I can see why Jesus said that FEW find the narrow way to Heaven... It seems so many people are focused on religious beliefs and how right they are and everyone else therefore has to be totally wrong... rather than on what God requires of us.