I am 33 years old and I been taking medicine since 2007.
OK, so you are not new to dealing with this. You're just exhausted from it. (And yes, I think you do have PTSD.)
Are you having nightmares? Are you sleeping? If you're not sleeping; that can make you feel 10 times as squirrelly. People who can't sleep become irrational. And then it gets dangerous; because then they contemplate killing themselves. Are you at that point? Because if you are you need help immediately.
It's OK to be angry about what happened to you. God's wrath abides on the unrepentant and there's a reason for that. So nothing is wrong with you because you are angry. We get angry at injustice like this because we are created in His image. So keep in mind that you are not abnormal.
Back in 1998 (I'm 49 years old.) I had a major depressive episode and I ended up in the hospital because I almost jumped off a bridge. I was 2 weeks impatient, 4 weeks outpatient and then went to a day treatment program for 3 months. The psychiatrist I had told me that I needed to get away from my family. I was never going to get better if I kept listening to them. The goal of the dysfunctional family (be it alcoholism, sexual abuse, domestic violence etc) is to keep the system in tact. So if the person who did this to you is part of your life still; you need to walk away.
That was probably one of the hardest things I ever did. But I came to realize that I had to do what ever it was I had to do in order to stay alive; even if my family didn't like it. That's an important place to come to.
I faced a similar decision with my husband years later. And that wasn't any easier. But I've been doing this a long time and I got better at managing my own mental health.
It's been 9 years since I was separated from my husband; (He committed suicide 3 years ago.) 14 years since my dad died and 18 years since my mother died. My son is 18 now; this separation journey started because I felt I had an obligation to my kid to not repeat the cycle. It took a lot of being brave and establishing boundaries. (And occasionally calling the police.)
It took a lot of me facing myself to not repeat the cycle.
The first difficult life decision I'd made was telling someone about the abuse (I was 14 when I told my counselor in school.)
The second most difficult life decision I made was joining the military and I did that to get away from my mother. I had to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet. And I definitely came out a changed person.
My next major life decision was telling my counselor at the time (1998) that I was suicidal.
Next was deciding to keep my son. I wasn't sure I could take care of a baby; but he gave me a reason to keep going.
The next major decision was separating myself from my family.
A couple of years later came the decision to go into a domestic violence shelter. That opened up avenues of assistance that I needed. By far though, the most difficult decision I'd ever made was reporting myself to CPS. I had to hold myself accountable to be a better parent. I owed that to my son. Now that was a whole other journey, because he's also developmentally disabled.
So here's my little "homework" assignment for you. Think of the steps you've already taken to manage your own mental health. You are the most important member on your recovery team! Don't EVER forget that!
Now there are other resources I can tell you about that have helped me; but right now, I know you're tired and what we need most when we are tired is hope.
It will be a long road. I'm not going to lie to you. But for now, all you have to worry about is getting through today. You only have to deal with the next thing in front of you. If that means you need to take a nap; then take a nap. You need to take a shower, go for a walk, write in a journal, watch something innocent and goofy like Winnie the Pooh. If you need to spend some more time praying. Listen to some music that speaks to you. What ever it needs to be. You're "job" right now is to get better.
I'll be praying for you too.