Today I listened to a sermon from my senior pastor entitled When You Don’t Understand. It had to do with when you question God about how/where He's leading you, and why bad things happen. When I heard the title and the beginning which included Psalm 22, I felt this was tailor-made for me. Lately I very infrequently ask God the question; it occurs maybe once every two months or more. I was interested because even though I acquiesced my need to know, if I was going to hear a possible reason, well then I am all ears.
The pastor spoke of how he became ill with bronchial asthma due to severe mold in his house attic. He believes he was sent in 1994 to New York as per The Lord to be the assistant to the prior senior pastor. He and his family settled in the Big Apple, everything was great at the church, and then he got ill. At the time he was in his 40s and a jogger. The repository illness was so bad that he couldn’t walk the streets without incredible headaches and the fear of not being able to breath. This morning he said during one evening walk when he was having breathing problems, he yelled out to God, “Is this necessary?” He believes the Response was “yes.” The pastor says that the illness was not Satanic but that God allowed it to happen to teach him that he should realize he needs the Lord in all things. Also, it was to remind the pastor to give God the righteous glory for successes and overcoming, and for the then-current dilemma to strengthen him for future ones.
I thought of 2012 and my marital inquiry.
For those who don’t know my story, my marriage’s end was not the only thing happening at the same time. I was on the cusp of eviction. I had been downsized the year prior and couldn’t find work. Unemployment ran out. My wife and in-laws had abandoned me in my most dire hour of need. My own family offered no help. After Him, my relationship with my wife was the most important thing. Now that was gone, and it was just God and me. He sent me help in the form of non-related individuals (neighbors and friends). He also sent me confident, comforting thoughts/feelings as I shuttled back and forth to housing court. These ‘Sensations’ always came to mind whenever I got a worry that I was going to evicted. They basically said, “You’re not going to loose the apartment.” They were right! I never was evicted. I found work and got back on my feet.
God not only saved me but this whole horrific event became a benchmark for me to remember for the future in terms of believing in Him and maintaining faith.
“Why my marriage, God?” So that I know He will always be there for me in big or small ‘storms.’ Did Satan ruin my marriage? Perhaps. But, like my pastor, I believe God allowed it. It was for me to experience the unfathomable, unexpected end to a 10 year+ union—while being abandoned by family, and potentially being homeless—and have no one else to turn to but Him.
When I tell my story, I always say that the victory was The Lord’s. I’m just the vessel He chose to use for the victory.
The Lord taught me about forgiving as well, which for family/close friend offenders, was something I loathed.
My pastor also mentioned how, in bad times, we may or may not get the answer for the “why?’ question. 2012 helped me release my need to know. I am content whether I get the reason or not. I just keep rest in the Lord and believe He is doing right by me.
Last year I gave up to Him all my entrepreneurial projects and aspirations. Shortly after that I suddenly lost my 20 year+ entrepreneurial ‘fire.’ I asked “why?” but it’s more of a knee-jerk reaction. I trust where He’s taking me.
What has been the result of my faith in God despite questions? The resultS are: an ever-strengthening relationship with Him, peace of mind, happiness with my life (I am alone not lonely), a new job in my favorite industry (I KNOW He’s going to help with successes here), starting to work again on a personal business project—without my entrepreneurial zest, continued good health, and improving finances.
The Christian life and faith is not always easy. We want it to be the shield that thwarts attacks. Sometimes the life and faith end up being the band-aid to the allowed attacks. At times you get the “why?” answered; sometimes not. No matter what, don’t give up and loose faith.
The pastor spoke of how he became ill with bronchial asthma due to severe mold in his house attic. He believes he was sent in 1994 to New York as per The Lord to be the assistant to the prior senior pastor. He and his family settled in the Big Apple, everything was great at the church, and then he got ill. At the time he was in his 40s and a jogger. The repository illness was so bad that he couldn’t walk the streets without incredible headaches and the fear of not being able to breath. This morning he said during one evening walk when he was having breathing problems, he yelled out to God, “Is this necessary?” He believes the Response was “yes.” The pastor says that the illness was not Satanic but that God allowed it to happen to teach him that he should realize he needs the Lord in all things. Also, it was to remind the pastor to give God the righteous glory for successes and overcoming, and for the then-current dilemma to strengthen him for future ones.
I thought of 2012 and my marital inquiry.
For those who don’t know my story, my marriage’s end was not the only thing happening at the same time. I was on the cusp of eviction. I had been downsized the year prior and couldn’t find work. Unemployment ran out. My wife and in-laws had abandoned me in my most dire hour of need. My own family offered no help. After Him, my relationship with my wife was the most important thing. Now that was gone, and it was just God and me. He sent me help in the form of non-related individuals (neighbors and friends). He also sent me confident, comforting thoughts/feelings as I shuttled back and forth to housing court. These ‘Sensations’ always came to mind whenever I got a worry that I was going to evicted. They basically said, “You’re not going to loose the apartment.” They were right! I never was evicted. I found work and got back on my feet.
God not only saved me but this whole horrific event became a benchmark for me to remember for the future in terms of believing in Him and maintaining faith.
“Why my marriage, God?” So that I know He will always be there for me in big or small ‘storms.’ Did Satan ruin my marriage? Perhaps. But, like my pastor, I believe God allowed it. It was for me to experience the unfathomable, unexpected end to a 10 year+ union—while being abandoned by family, and potentially being homeless—and have no one else to turn to but Him.
When I tell my story, I always say that the victory was The Lord’s. I’m just the vessel He chose to use for the victory.
The Lord taught me about forgiving as well, which for family/close friend offenders, was something I loathed.
My pastor also mentioned how, in bad times, we may or may not get the answer for the “why?’ question. 2012 helped me release my need to know. I am content whether I get the reason or not. I just keep rest in the Lord and believe He is doing right by me.
Last year I gave up to Him all my entrepreneurial projects and aspirations. Shortly after that I suddenly lost my 20 year+ entrepreneurial ‘fire.’ I asked “why?” but it’s more of a knee-jerk reaction. I trust where He’s taking me.
What has been the result of my faith in God despite questions? The resultS are: an ever-strengthening relationship with Him, peace of mind, happiness with my life (I am alone not lonely), a new job in my favorite industry (I KNOW He’s going to help with successes here), starting to work again on a personal business project—without my entrepreneurial zest, continued good health, and improving finances.
The Christian life and faith is not always easy. We want it to be the shield that thwarts attacks. Sometimes the life and faith end up being the band-aid to the allowed attacks. At times you get the “why?” answered; sometimes not. No matter what, don’t give up and loose faith.
