- Mar 28, 2023
- 29
- 1
- 35
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Atheist
- Marital Status
- Single
As some of you know, I called myself a lamewad many, many times. And that even though I am 35, I have not had any intimate relations of any kind, was messed with in school, etc. As some of you also know, I visited the Sosuave forum, a high-testosterone mega-macho redpill forum (you will NEVER win an argument with people like those). The kind of guys that have been with like 50-70 women, which is not what I want, as I just wanted a few tips. That place put me in an extreme amount of anxiety, self-loathing and insanity. Not due to the forum in itself, but because of the truths I had found. I had discovered the world was more shallow and tunnel-visioned than I had thought.
In my past years, during my agnostic quasi-Christian phase, I had asked God for help many times. I didn't get it. I was left alone. Now, middle school was the absolute W O R S T time of my life. It was hell within a night terror deep-fried in another hell, as everything I hated and feared was all vacuum packed into one building. That's what American schools are like, it's a strange Social Darwinist world but with puberty involved.
I once told my dad how bad 7th grade was, and that my locker was between two of the most infuriating living entities ever. On the left side, an extremely loud girl with two megaphones taped together for vocal cords, on the right side, some long-haired tool that had one of the worst personalities ever. This was the kind of guy that would mess with a stranger just to impress his friends. I said, "I don't know what I did wrong for God to punish me like that." My dad said, "Maybe that was God testing you?" Then I smacked my forehead in disgust. Really..? Really?!
Okaaaaay..? So that was God testing me? Fine, then what was the plan of the two on either side of me? Did God create them just to test me? After I graduatedmiddle hell *middle school, then what? Those two went on with their lives with no more purpose? Or did God put them near more people to "test" them? This is how a lot of Christians view God: "God did something good? He's so great! Praise him! Wait, he did something terrible? He works in mysterious ways I guess... Praise him!" Huh? That's not being mysterious, that's being a tyrant.
Why does God put people in a world that doesn't want us? Why even be born at all? And how did everyone here come to believe that he exists? I've been binge-watching NDE videos to try and break myself out of my atheism, and though I see some serious motifs going on, that is only proof for those people, not for everyone.
In my past years, during my agnostic quasi-Christian phase, I had asked God for help many times. I didn't get it. I was left alone. Now, middle school was the absolute W O R S T time of my life. It was hell within a night terror deep-fried in another hell, as everything I hated and feared was all vacuum packed into one building. That's what American schools are like, it's a strange Social Darwinist world but with puberty involved.
I once told my dad how bad 7th grade was, and that my locker was between two of the most infuriating living entities ever. On the left side, an extremely loud girl with two megaphones taped together for vocal cords, on the right side, some long-haired tool that had one of the worst personalities ever. This was the kind of guy that would mess with a stranger just to impress his friends. I said, "I don't know what I did wrong for God to punish me like that." My dad said, "Maybe that was God testing you?" Then I smacked my forehead in disgust. Really..? Really?!
Okaaaaay..? So that was God testing me? Fine, then what was the plan of the two on either side of me? Did God create them just to test me? After I graduated
Why does God put people in a world that doesn't want us? Why even be born at all? And how did everyone here come to believe that he exists? I've been binge-watching NDE videos to try and break myself out of my atheism, and though I see some serious motifs going on, that is only proof for those people, not for everyone.