Hello.
This is difficult for me because I bear a burden of guilt
Back in 1997 I really had no choice but to sue a large company, to cut a long story short I developed an acute emotional psychosis, a serious mental illness, which led to a permanent brain injury and I later developed Bi-Polar 1 disorder. I was full of suppressed conscious anger and guilt for a very long time, just as my beloved daughter was just growing up, my marriage was far from perfect, there was an undercurrent of anger which sometimes flared up into angry outbursts, so our daughter was raised in far from perfect emotional psychological circumstances.
Due to my illness, I was a poor father to our daughter, though I used my creativity as an artist to make her creche something very special indeed, she has turned out to be highly creative which I see as a positive thing psychologically speaking.
My point is I am largely responsible for the problems my daughter now has because I used to suffer from so much unconscious guilt and anger. When I had my first manic episode I didn't know what hit me, I began hallucinating and believing the things I was seeing and reacting to them as if they were real, at this point, when I really had lost responsibility for my actions, I led her to use marijuana, and she now shows a strong dependency on this drug, plus she drinks a lot; plus she has an extremely volatile temper, I am reaping as I sowed, I know that but because I used to feel so guilty I had the tendency to do anything my daughter wanted, we are poor compared to normal people but I would give her money whenever I could.
I have since gone through a painful mental/spiritual healing with a psychiatrist, that has freed me from my mental illness, and can think calmly and rationally about this situation and with real compassion in my heart and soul, through God's grace I have been born anew and feel strong and confident in myself. Our daughter needs a kick up the backside sometimes, she is very lazy, but I am not sure if this is in the best interests of my daughter. I was never going to be a perfect father, we all have imperfections, but I need advice on how I should behave towards our daughter, I have no real idea, having screwed up so badly, how I should now be a good father to her.
I am a real believer in the existence of God the Father, and he knows I did my best, but except to proceed with love and compassion, I do not know how to behave as a Dad to our daughter.
In real penitent mood.
Richard
This is difficult for me because I bear a burden of guilt
Back in 1997 I really had no choice but to sue a large company, to cut a long story short I developed an acute emotional psychosis, a serious mental illness, which led to a permanent brain injury and I later developed Bi-Polar 1 disorder. I was full of suppressed conscious anger and guilt for a very long time, just as my beloved daughter was just growing up, my marriage was far from perfect, there was an undercurrent of anger which sometimes flared up into angry outbursts, so our daughter was raised in far from perfect emotional psychological circumstances.
Due to my illness, I was a poor father to our daughter, though I used my creativity as an artist to make her creche something very special indeed, she has turned out to be highly creative which I see as a positive thing psychologically speaking.
My point is I am largely responsible for the problems my daughter now has because I used to suffer from so much unconscious guilt and anger. When I had my first manic episode I didn't know what hit me, I began hallucinating and believing the things I was seeing and reacting to them as if they were real, at this point, when I really had lost responsibility for my actions, I led her to use marijuana, and she now shows a strong dependency on this drug, plus she drinks a lot; plus she has an extremely volatile temper, I am reaping as I sowed, I know that but because I used to feel so guilty I had the tendency to do anything my daughter wanted, we are poor compared to normal people but I would give her money whenever I could.
I have since gone through a painful mental/spiritual healing with a psychiatrist, that has freed me from my mental illness, and can think calmly and rationally about this situation and with real compassion in my heart and soul, through God's grace I have been born anew and feel strong and confident in myself. Our daughter needs a kick up the backside sometimes, she is very lazy, but I am not sure if this is in the best interests of my daughter. I was never going to be a perfect father, we all have imperfections, but I need advice on how I should behave towards our daughter, I have no real idea, having screwed up so badly, how I should now be a good father to her.
I am a real believer in the existence of God the Father, and he knows I did my best, but except to proceed with love and compassion, I do not know how to behave as a Dad to our daughter.
In real penitent mood.
Richard
