Most of the time I eat food I feel guilty about doing it. Recently this hasn't quite been the case because I've been just not eating very much because it always bothers me, so when I do eat it's usually because I'm starting to feeling the physical effects of probably being a little malnourished so I feel like I have an excuse to eat. When I use to work, I would eat somewhat normally although sometimes I wouldn't have dinner. on the weekends, I would usually feel guilty just about every meal unless I only ate two meals over the course of two days probably.
Now over the last week or so I usually eat a max of two meals a day and sometimes fairly light meals at that. I would say I am easily eating only half of if not less than I used to. Sometimes I don't necessarily feel guilty, but just not even looking forward to enjoying a meal because I'm just gun shy. I found myself last night wondering if I should eat in the morning. Then this morning, I got ready to fry some eggs and started feeling guilty about it, so I stopped. Now, I feel like my conscience might let me eat, but I just don't want to and I'm not even sure why. It might be a mixture of just wanting to deprive myself and also just feeling blah about food. Like it's no longer for enjoyment but just to give me energy to keep at my responsibilties. If I go into the kitchen to eat I know I'm just going to be attacked for picking up certain foods. I actually have kind of a hard time explaining this because what I can and can't eat changes all the time. Honey is definately a no for sure, and spicy foods ( not because I'm not supposed to have them for health reasons but because my conscience is convinced it's a sin for me to eat these foods), but sometimes it includes things like toast, butter, cheese, fruit,etc. It's usually pretty random and sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I just feel guilty about experiencing pleasure and these foods that were always my favorite are now a sin for me because I need to deny myself pleasure or something. I'm trying to think about why I don't want to eat even though I'm hungry and I really think it's a mixture of now actually wanting to maybe heavily deprive myself or just feeling unmotivated because of all the implications for eating for me.
Now over the last week or so I usually eat a max of two meals a day and sometimes fairly light meals at that. I would say I am easily eating only half of if not less than I used to. Sometimes I don't necessarily feel guilty, but just not even looking forward to enjoying a meal because I'm just gun shy. I found myself last night wondering if I should eat in the morning. Then this morning, I got ready to fry some eggs and started feeling guilty about it, so I stopped. Now, I feel like my conscience might let me eat, but I just don't want to and I'm not even sure why. It might be a mixture of just wanting to deprive myself and also just feeling blah about food. Like it's no longer for enjoyment but just to give me energy to keep at my responsibilties. If I go into the kitchen to eat I know I'm just going to be attacked for picking up certain foods. I actually have kind of a hard time explaining this because what I can and can't eat changes all the time. Honey is definately a no for sure, and spicy foods ( not because I'm not supposed to have them for health reasons but because my conscience is convinced it's a sin for me to eat these foods), but sometimes it includes things like toast, butter, cheese, fruit,etc. It's usually pretty random and sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I just feel guilty about experiencing pleasure and these foods that were always my favorite are now a sin for me because I need to deny myself pleasure or something. I'm trying to think about why I don't want to eat even though I'm hungry and I really think it's a mixture of now actually wanting to maybe heavily deprive myself or just feeling unmotivated because of all the implications for eating for me.
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