Difficulty Communicating Issues With Parents

[muichimotsu]

I had a thread of this nature last year and it wasn't as productive in part because of continuing issues I recognize in terms of self advocacy as someone with a disability (though getting any kind of benefits is a whole other process versus present Vocational Rehabilitation, which I'm still not confident will work long term, it's a whole protracted process that is slowly getting to some consideration of job applications)

While I should be grateful for the consideration of some temp work (with good pay), I feel like my objections aren't being taken seriously about whether I'm suited to the work and as if I'm being gas-lit, like I should be grateful I have the opportunity even if it's not fitting because my prospects are so bad as it is (and this isn't the first time, I had a temp job in the summer that didn't fit me at all, almost as if parents shouldn't be the ones deciding whether a career fits their child, because they can't be objective)

Fundamentally, it's like we're at such different points in regards to what the end goal is. Or they don't appear to really understand that they cannot make executive decisions, especially with the potential presumption that I am incapable of making them myself because I have autism and they regard it based on functionality instead of basic mental health that isn't suggesting I am more capable than they think without regard to my personal mental state

I don't know how to even start to engage in regards to this, especially as regards an application for disability, since Vocational Rehabilitation is practically skipping over the step in the first place and just assuming you can "get over it" or other nonsense like that

 

[Dansiph]

I had a thread of this nature last year and it wasn't as productive in part because of continuing issues I recognize in terms of self advocacy as someone with a disability (though getting any kind of benefits is a whole other process versus present Vocational Rehabilitation, which I'm still not confident will work long term, it's a whole protracted process that is slowly getting to some consideration of job applications)

While I should be grateful for the consideration of some temp work (with good pay), I feel like my objections aren't being taken seriously about whether I'm suited to the work and as if I'm being gas-lit, like I should be grateful I have the opportunity even if it's not fitting because my prospects are so bad as it is (and this isn't the first time, I had a temp job in the summer that didn't fit me at all, almost as if parents shouldn't be the ones deciding whether a career fits their child, because they can't be objective)

Fundamentally, it's like we're at such different points in regards to what the end goal is. Or they don't appear to really understand that they cannot make executive decisions, especially with the potential presumption that I am incapable of making them myself because I have autism and they regard it based on functionality instead of basic mental health that isn't suggesting I am more capable than they think without regard to my personal mental state

I don't know how to even start to engage in regards to this, especially as regards an application for disability, since Vocational Rehabilitation is practically skipping over the step in the first place and just assuming you can "get over it" or other nonsense like that

Try and work on the basis of problem and solution. Also pick a calm time and just be honest with your parents.

 

[muichimotsu]

Try and work on the basis of problem and solution. Also pick a calm time and just be honest with your parents.

Honesty is not always the best solution when dealing with people so set in their ways and not even realizing it. Subtlety can address it in a way that doesn't provoke irrational responses

Just being honest would also be being blunt potentially, the nuance is not always that easy to achieve in these situations in phrasing a statement rooted in uncertain personal emotional states

And it isn't any easier with the pandemic constraining behaviors, plus personal issues where my paternal grandmother is being more than a bit unreasonable and difficult herself just adds further stress that I don't want to add onto myself.

 

[Dansiph]

Honesty is not always the best solution when dealing with people so set in their ways and not even realizing it. Subtlety can address it in a way that doesn't provoke irrational responses

Just being honest would also be being blunt potentially, the nuance is not always that easy to achieve in these situations in phrasing a statement rooted in uncertain personal emotional states

And it isn't any easier with the pandemic constraining behaviors, plus personal issues where my paternal grandmother is being more than a bit unreasonable and difficult herself just adds further stress that I don't want to add onto myself.

You can be blunt without being impolite. You can say something like "I know this is blunt but..." Think about your parents, your grandmother etc. Put them first. I noticed you posted this in the Autism and Aspergers section. Do you have Autism? If you do, do you think it could be affecting this issue?

 

[muichimotsu]

You can be blunt without being impolite. You can say something like "I know this is blunt but..." Think about your parents, your grandmother etc. Put them first. I noticed you posted this in the Autism and Aspergers section. Do you have Autism? If you do, do you think it could be affecting this issue?

Quite a bit, considering that's the direct diagnosis from Vocational Rehabilitation as to difficulties in why I cannot find work: communication difficulties (I wish I had the documentation I'm thinking of, though I do have papers that note I am considered priority 1, meaning the disability is deemed by medical professionals to be such that it will not be resolved as easily as the lower priorities 2-4)

Putting them first is not always feasible if I'm concerned with self advocacy, which is the idea that I should not be a doormat for people to just tell me how to act or make decisions without my consideration at all or little consideration at best.

And when they seem to be getting information from organizations like Autism Speaks, that makes things far worse, because it doesn't encourage self advocacy, it suggests that we need advocates for us in an ableist fashion that is derogatory and damaging long term, because it infantilizes us, as if we can never live independent lives, but should just be dependents, incredibly frustrating

 

[Dansiph]

Quite a bit, considering that's the direct diagnosis from Vocational Rehabilitation as to difficulties in why I cannot find work: communication difficulties (I wish I had the documentation I'm thinking of, though I do have papers that note I am considered priority 1, meaning the disability is deemed by medical professionals to be such that it will not be resolved as easily as the lower priorities 2-4)

Putting them first is not always feasible if I'm concerned with self advocacy, which is the idea that I should not be a doormat for people to just tell me how to act or make decisions without my consideration at all or little consideration at best.

And when they seem to be getting information from organizations like Autism Speaks, that makes things far worse, because it doesn't encourage self advocacy, it suggests that we need advocates for us in an ableist fashion that is derogatory and damaging long term, because it infantilizes us, as if we can never live independent lives, but should just be dependents, incredibly frustrating

It's difficult to assess because you are saying you are disabled but also want to be independent. People with disabilities often need help from others. There's nothing wrong with that. Also all people are not independent. We rely on other people so much. In almost every aspect of life.

What would you say is the main problem and some potential solutions?

 

[muichimotsu]

It's difficult to assess because you are saying you are disabled but also want to be independent. People with disabilities often need help from others. There's nothing wrong with that. Also all people are not independent. We rely on other people so much. In almost every aspect of life.

What would you say is the main problem and some potential solutions?

Disability does not entail you cannot be independent, it means there are difficulties, rather than it just being fundamentally impossible

I am willing to accept help, I don't think my parents are fully willing, when they will seemingly just try to cut out Vocational Rehabilitation at times and just get me a job through their connections instead of letting me get it with the help of VocRehab in the first place, it's baffling how much they think they can just do this stuff and people just accept it instead of pointing out the problems

The problem is them seemingly insinuating themselves as giving me the solutions as if no one else can: they haven't even tried to engage about me even getting a driver's license and I'm as old as my dad was when he and my mom first started dating, 33, not even a glimmer of an idea, seemingly because they just have become untrusting of someone offering assistance because of one bad experience with a driving class that I enjoyed for what it was, even if it felt kind of limited.

 

[Dansiph]

Disability does not entail you cannot be independent, it means there are difficulties, rather than it just being fundamentally impossible

I am willing to accept help, I don't think my parents are fully willing, when they will seemingly just try to cut out Vocational Rehabilitation at times and just get me a job through their connections instead of letting me get it with the help of VocRehab in the first place, it's baffling how much they think they can just do this stuff and people just accept it instead of pointing out the problems

The problem is them seemingly insinuating themselves as giving me the solutions as if no one else can: they haven't even tried to engage about me even getting a driver's license and I'm as old as my dad was when he and my mom first started dating, 33, not even a glimmer of an idea, seemingly because they just have become untrusting of someone offering assistance because of one bad experience with a driving class that I enjoyed for what it was, even if it felt kind of limited.

I don't really know how to help beyond more broad advice. I think you could benefit from a different perspective. This might seem harsh and it's not like I can talk but you don't seem very independent from your posts and if I am honest, a little too self-focused.

Are you showing your parents you are capable?

 

[muichimotsu]

I don't really know how to help beyond more broad advice. I think you could benefit from a different perspective. This might seem harsh and it's not like I can talk but you don't seem very independent from your posts and if I am honest, a little too self-focused.

Are you showing your parents you are capable?

I'm open to a new perspective, the problem is how everyone around me doesn't seem to want to even engage slightly and I'm borderline just unable to engage about something like anxiety over a new job or that I've made this attempt and moved forward with Vocational Rehabilitation: what more do they want and why is it so difficult to tell me?

Not sure what would indicate I'm capable when the idea of any kind of independence is not even discussed, always just tying me back instead of pushing some idea of me being on my own in any meaningful sense like friends my own age. Just because I have some difficulties doesn't mean it should be seen as a lost cause, which is the feeling I constantly get when the only suggestions I get are, "Hey, get this job in the same general area we work, because you can't drive yourself anywhere anyway,"

 

[SANTOSO]

From what I have heard, you are afflicted and suffering that no one has considered you rightly. It pains on the inside because you can’t change the way your parents or other institution think and act toward you. That drive that you hate and frustrated at this. You know that they mean well but they do not know what they do to you. And what you are looking for is somebody who will consider your affliction, suffering and can help you change the circumstances.

The Lord Jesus can do that !
Remember how the Lord have helped David :

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. -Psalms 25:16
The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. -Psalms 25:17
Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. -Psalms 25:18

God can help David turn around his circumstances and brought victory to his life.
Surely, the Lord can help you !

Are you willing to believe Him to deliver out of your troubles?