Did we give poor advice?

[Waymarker]

Some years ago a young teenager came into an AOL 'Religious Discussion' chatroom and told us he hated being dragged off to church by his parents every sunday, so me and a few other adults advised him to refuse pointblank to go.
Apparently his parents must have later complained to AOL about us for giving "bad advice", and we were gently warned by an AOL Host to watch our step in future..
Were we in the wrong or what?

 

[APersonWithNoName]

I don't think so. I think at some point parents need to realize their kids are no longer little kids and they can't force their kids like they used. Instead of telling them what to do, they need to learn to guide them

this is just my two cents.

 

[tturt]

Yeah poor advice..As children grow, there should be less direction and more guidance. Part of teaching is being yielded/submitted to leadership, honoring our parents, not being rebellious. In their home, go by their guidelines unless illegal or immoral.

Do you want to do every task that a teacher or supervisor expects you to do? Then if you do it, what attitude and level,of expertise do you use? Do you complete it by the deadline? Or as a boss, are you going to keep an employee that doesn't do what you need them to do or has a bad attitude towards their work?

"Children, obey your parents as the Lord wants, because this is the right thing to do.": Eph 6:1
"Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;" Eph 6:2
"Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" Heb 12:9
'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Col 3:23-24

 

[A_Thinker]

Some years ago a young teenager came into an AOL 'Religious Discussion' chatroom and told us he hated being dragged off to church by his parents every sunday, so me and a few other adults advised him to refuse pointblank to go.
Apparently his parents must have later complained to AOL about us for giving "bad advice", and we were gently warned by an AOL Host to watch our step in future..
Were we in the wrong or what?

The scriptures say that children are to obey their parents in the Lord. Certainly, parents are not out-of-line to insist that their teen children attend church with them.

I do believe that your advice was counter to the Lord's desire.

It's not the Lord's desire that children are able to do whatever they want ... and not do what they wish not to. It clear from scripture ... that the Lord's desire is that children be raised WELL, ... which includes them participating in some things that they would rather not ...

 

[The Narrow Way]

Some years ago a young teenager came into an AOL 'Religious Discussion' chatroom and told us he hated being dragged off to church by his parents every sunday, so me and a few other adults advised him to refuse pointblank to go.
Apparently his parents must have later complained to AOL about us for giving "bad advice", and we were gently warned by an AOL Host to watch our step in future..
Were we in the wrong or what?

Yes, very poor advice. As long as the kids are living under the same roof as the parents and being supported by them, they should be required to live by the rules of the parents. The parents should do all they can to win the kids to Christ and lead them to CHOOSE His ways for themselves, but if they won't do that, they must live by their rules until they are old enough to move out on their own.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Some years ago a young teenager came into an AOL 'Religious Discussion' chatroom and told us he hated being dragged off to church by his parents every sunday, so me and a few other adults advised him to refuse pointblank to go.
Apparently his parents must have later complained to AOL about us for giving "bad advice", and we were gently warned by an AOL Host to watch our step in future..
Were we in the wrong or what?

Good question. It depends on the age and maturity of the teen. I quit going to Sunday School at the age of age of 8 or 9. My dad was an atheist and my mother unconcerned. I was compelled/blackmailed/bribed into going to church for 3 years while I went to boarding school. I hated every moment. I resented being coerced against my will.

I would require children to go to Sunday School/Church until they were old enough to stay at home by themselves. That has a legal component and a maturity component. However, telling kids to rebel against their parents is a problem. First, we have no right to interfere. Second, children are exhorted to obey their parents. And if the church is alive, they may be touched and even be saved.

God saved me in spite of my aversion to what I thought of as church. I went through hell first. If someone can be saved before going through similar experience, I'm all for that.

 

[Torah Keeper]

Bad advice yeah. You could say the same to someone who hates school, work, or whatever.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

In my church kids seemed generally happy. We had many youth activities for them and they formed great friendships among themselves. However, there were very few above the age of 18. When they became of age most left the church.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Some years ago a young teenager came into an AOL 'Religious Discussion' chatroom and told us he hated being dragged off to church by his parents every sunday, so me and a few other adults advised him to refuse pointblank to go.
Apparently his parents must have later complained to AOL about us for giving "bad advice", and we were gently warned by an AOL Host to watch our step in future..
Were we in the wrong or what?

Yes it probably was. " Honor your mother and Father", one of the Ten Commandments , which translates to obedience.
Blessings

 

[miamited]

Hi @waymaker,
Yes, I believe that you gave that child bad advice. I don't think that God wants any of His children to encourage children to go against their parent's desires for them unless it involves some danger to the child. You probably should have spent more time conversing with him about who Jesus is and worked more towards helping the parents to accomplish what they were likely trying to accomplish.

I agree that there are a lot of fellowships out there that don't have particularly well run youth programs and some don't have any beyond toddler age. They expect children to sit up tall and straight for the duration of the service and this is probably not very helpful in the cause of Christ. But to tell a child that they should refuse a parent's, certainly godly activity, wouldn't be something I'd consider as good advice.

God bless,
Ted

 

[Rene Loup]

Forced faith is not faith at all (John 6:28-29, Gal. 5:19-26, Heb. 11). While it's important to train up a child in the faith (Col. 3:20-21, Eph. 6:1-4, Prov. 13:24, 19:18, 22:6, 29:15-17), there are better ways of doing it. I found what works best is leading by example as a role model (Gal. 5:19-26, John 13:1-17, 14:15-31, 15:1-27, 16:1-4, Luke 11:37-12:12, Matt. 23). Free will and boundaries need to be respected if someone doesn't want to hear about God (Matt. 7:6, 10:11-20). Doesn't mean you have to approve of it though (Acts 5:27-30, Rom 12:2). I would give that teen a Bible, encourage him to read it on his own time, and humbly answer any questions he may have. Context and commentary are very important, so Bible study is required to carry out all this advice. Read, study, and KNOW Scripture, daily.

 

[Waymarker]

.." Honor your mother and Father", one of the Ten Commandments , which translates to obedience.
Blessings

On the other hand, if bad parents try to force false values on their kids, perhaps the kids should make a stand?-
"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26)

My own parents tried to force me into their silly ways (I could tell you stories) but I resisted, and it caused friction in our house, I never hated them but simply went my own way regardless without arguing..

"Jesus saved you from the empty way of life handed you by your forefathers" (1 Peter 1:18 )

 

[Waymarker]

Bad advice yeah. You could say the same to someone who hates school, work, or whatever.

It's a tricky position, for example my dad was a chronic workaholic and wanted me to be like him.
I hadn't got a job to go to when I left school at 16, so he'd hammer on my bedroom door at the crack of dawn yelling "Get out of bed and look for a job, they're crying out for people at the glue factory", but I knew that sort of job wasn't my calling and that I wouldn't have been able to stick at it.
I wonder what Jesus's young cousin John's parents thought when he shunned the material world and went off to live in the wilderness?
We know what Jesus thought-
"John is the greatest man ever to be born" (Matthew 11:11)

John

 

[mama2one]

Some young teenager

this is a good example of why my young teen is not on any social media & has limited access to internet

too many bad influences out there

 

[Waymarker]

this is a good example of why my young teen is not on any social media & has limited access to internet
too many bad influences out there

There are bad and good influences everywhere, e.g. internet, TV, parents, teachers, society in general etc..

 

[tturt]

There aren't any perfect parents. And when we become parents, there's no perfect parents.

The tricky position - we hold on to our opinions instead of following what Scripture says. We all face the choice.

 

[A_Thinker]

On the other hand, if bad parents try to force false values on their kids, perhaps the kids should make a stand?

There are bad parents, ... but taking your kids to church ... does not make one a bad parent. There is no support for kids making a stand against their parents in the Bible. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

Kids whose parents are breaking laws, being abusive or neglectful, ought to be reported to the authorities. If no laws are being broken, kids need to suck up any differences of opinion between themselves and their parents ... until they are ready to go take care of themselves.

My own parents tried to force me into their silly ways (I could tell you stories) but I resisted, and it caused friction in our house, I never hated them but simply went my own way regardless without arguing ...

That is the option for young people who are, simply, unhappy with their parental training ... leave your parents' house and care ... and go your own way ...

 

[A_Thinker]

It's a tricky position, for example my dad was a chronic workaholic and wanted me to be like him.
I hadn't got a job to go to when I left school at 16, so he'd hammer on my bedroom door at the crack of dawn yelling "Get out of bed and look for a job, they're crying out for people at the glue factory", but I knew that sort of job wasn't my calling and that I wouldn't have been able to stick at it.

I can't fault your father for emphasizing the importance of a work ethic ... particularly in light of your abandonment of the established educational path.

How long did it take for you to make your own way ?

I wonder what Jesus's young cousin John's parents thought when he shunned the material world and went off to live in the wilderness?
We know what Jesus thought-
"John is the greatest man ever to be born" (Matthew 11:11)

John

John would have been a grown man by then, ... having achieved the ability to make a life apart from his parents.

 

[Waymarker]

..I can't fault your father for emphasizing the importance of a work ethic...

Re the "work ethic", Jesus said -
"The work God requires is to believe in the one he has sent" (John 6:28 )
Monks shut themselves away in monasteries in order to get closer to God without distraction, and don't do any worldly "work", but of course nobody thinks of knocking their door to tell them to get a "proper" job..
True story- some years ago the Jobcentre sent me to apply for a job at a convenience store so I went along hoping to land the job, but when I walked in and saw stuff on the shelves that I'd have to handle such as booze, cigarettes, inappropriate content and gay mags, I walked back out.
It got me in hot water with the Jobcentre but I didn't care.
Should I have appled for the job regardless?

 

[Waymarker]

There are bad parents, ... but taking your kids to church ... does not make one a bad parent..

If the kid wants to go that's great, but is it right to drag him there against his will?