I was sexually assaulted once when I was seven by one of my teenage friends, who then pretended it never happened and I had imagined the whole thing, and another time, repeatedly by my teacher when I was twelve. The only problem is I'm terrified that what I think is real and I what is real are two very different things. I'm so confused. Could that boy had been right? Am I some sort of sicko who imagines people raping her? I feel the fear, and I know the terror but...I don't understand. I'm 17 now and I'm getting ready to go away to College but I need to know once and for all...but how do I find out the truth. I'm so scared to find out that the truth is that I was never hurt to begin with. . . I know God is always with me and I've confided in one other, my English teacher, who is a Christian, and I trust him greatly but no one else knows....what do I do?
Confrused and Frightened
- Thread starter DaughterofDarkness
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Lisa0315
Respect Catholics and the Mother Church!
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DaughterofDarkness said:
You need to talk with a professional who can help you sort out the truth. This is too serious to be handled by anyone less than an experienced psychologist. If you were raped as a child, there is a much that you need to deal with. If you were not, then, there are other issues that you need to deal with before you begin your adult life. I wish I could help more than this, but honestly, this is too big for me.
Lisa
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HollyHobbie
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Lisa0315 said:
I agree with Lisa , I was sexually abused by a highschool Bible teacher who was also a former pastors father in law and was a freind of the family very much like a grandfather figure......when I was 12 and 13 yrs old repeatedly...I am now 33 and married with 2 kids.
About 6 yrs ago I found out my twin sister was seeing a counselor because she was having some sort of flash back or what she thought was a repressed memory of the same guy molesting her or trying too when she was little.
After weeks of counseling it was determined that somehow she was getting details of what happened to me subconsciously mixed up in her mind...and was also blamming herself because being my twin she sensed something was happening I wasn't myself I was distant and moody and sometimes she would find me in odd positions ,perspiring with a sheet wrapped around me in an indescribable way totally out of it and I was always more withdrawn when he was around.
She is doing better and handleing what happened to me better than anyone else in my family and its been 20yrs.
I don't feel like I have to relive my past every time I see her or here from her.
I probably gave more detail than I should have and have thought of editing this twice .....but I can't ..its as though God dosen't want me too edit this.
I also agree with Lisa that if there is other issues in your past that you need to deal with,deal with it before you start your adult life... My husband and I both brought unresolved baggage from our past and it has up until 7 months ago nearly destroyed our 7.5 yr marriage.
I have to say that I am proud of you for confiding in your English teacher like that......It took a lot of courage and guts.
I would be glad to help you out in any way I can...God has healed many of the wounds from my past and continues too.
Its a long process but with Jesus its not a lonely one,he's there with his arms open wide hugging me holding me and leading me throurgh,as he is you.
Just don't let go of his hand even when you can't see it or feel it ,its there
Pm me if you would like
God bless you
Love In Christ
Holly Hobbie
Laura
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sherry40
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Healing of a wound like this can be difficult. First of all see a counselor. Then ask the Lord thru the counselor to determine if it is real or not. If it turns out to be real then you will need to deal with the feelings that it brings up. Some of the feelings will be one of shame and guilt but try not to take those feelings to hard as they are normal and do not mean that you really have done something wrong.
After you have dealt with all of it then forgiving your abusers becomes very important because if you do not a root of bitterness can develope. Forgiving them does not mean that what they did was okay .
I have found that many abusers also try to convience us that it did not happen or did not happen the way we remember because they do not want to deal with their own guilt. It can be what I call crazy making as what happens is that you begin to doubt your own memory. Now false memories can be planted in but somehow I do not feel that this is true in your case.
I will be praying for you.
After you have dealt with all of it then forgiving your abusers becomes very important because if you do not a root of bitterness can develope. Forgiving them does not mean that what they did was okay .
I have found that many abusers also try to convience us that it did not happen or did not happen the way we remember because they do not want to deal with their own guilt. It can be what I call crazy making as what happens is that you begin to doubt your own memory. Now false memories can be planted in but somehow I do not feel that this is true in your case.
I will be praying for you.
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J
Jackie Mozambique
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Hi daughter of darkness
Maybe what I am gone say to you will make no sence now at all. But please try it you got nothing to lose. Ask God to give you peace. I have been rape by one of my family members as a young girl. For one or another reason I can not recall any of that. To me its a blessing. Only God can give you peace inside of yourself, you have your whole life infront of you and you don't need to be reminded of that all the time, focus on your future and include God in your future and believe you have a wonderful life awaits you,
All the best and remember where ever you are there is God, He loves you very very much!
Greatings
Jackie
Maybe what I am gone say to you will make no sence now at all. But please try it you got nothing to lose. Ask God to give you peace. I have been rape by one of my family members as a young girl. For one or another reason I can not recall any of that. To me its a blessing. Only God can give you peace inside of yourself, you have your whole life infront of you and you don't need to be reminded of that all the time, focus on your future and include God in your future and believe you have a wonderful life awaits you,
All the best and remember where ever you are there is God, He loves you very very much!
Greatings
Jackie
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lilmissmontana
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DaughterofDarkness, I read your post with tears. How very odd I just posted my testimony in testimonies this morning and it includes a paragraph about me being molested at seven.
I want to say some things to you I think are extremely important. The first thing I want to say is this. You said you're so confused. It is SO important to remember God is not the author of confusion. That is the voice of the enemy talking to you. Second ... the thing about you being a sicko who imagines things. Well, that couldn't be any more textbook treatment to a victim if he'd written the book himself! The voice you need desperately to be listening to is the voice of God. You keep seeking the help you need ... but if anyone comes with confusion, guilt or condemnation find another voice and another voice and how ever many voices you have to until you find the one that speaks with compassion, no judgement, mercy, empathy, all the things the Lord comes with. Then you will know you're listening to the right voice. Our Father is a loving kind Father. He would never speak to you in that manner.
The other thing is you must lean on the Lord to NEVER let what happened to you or what was said about it define you. You are a child of our Father and very precious to Jesus. This is not His definition of you. To Him you are precious. I'm not sure off hand which scripture it is that basically says when you tell the Lord you trust Him, then you rest and He goes to work. I pray you can come to trust and rest in the Lord. God bless, precious child. Continue your walk and journey into adult life with your head high. Even if (and I don't believe it for a minute) the boy were right it doesn't in any way change how the Lord sees you. There is nothing that will seperate His love from you. We do that.
Father, I ask You put Your loving touch of healing on this precious child of yours. in Jesus honorable and sweet name i pray this ... Amen.
I want to say some things to you I think are extremely important. The first thing I want to say is this. You said you're so confused. It is SO important to remember God is not the author of confusion. That is the voice of the enemy talking to you. Second ... the thing about you being a sicko who imagines things. Well, that couldn't be any more textbook treatment to a victim if he'd written the book himself! The voice you need desperately to be listening to is the voice of God. You keep seeking the help you need ... but if anyone comes with confusion, guilt or condemnation find another voice and another voice and how ever many voices you have to until you find the one that speaks with compassion, no judgement, mercy, empathy, all the things the Lord comes with. Then you will know you're listening to the right voice. Our Father is a loving kind Father. He would never speak to you in that manner.
The other thing is you must lean on the Lord to NEVER let what happened to you or what was said about it define you. You are a child of our Father and very precious to Jesus. This is not His definition of you. To Him you are precious. I'm not sure off hand which scripture it is that basically says when you tell the Lord you trust Him, then you rest and He goes to work. I pray you can come to trust and rest in the Lord. God bless, precious child. Continue your walk and journey into adult life with your head high. Even if (and I don't believe it for a minute) the boy were right it doesn't in any way change how the Lord sees you. There is nothing that will seperate His love from you. We do that.
Father, I ask You put Your loving touch of healing on this precious child of yours. in Jesus honorable and sweet name i pray this ... Amen.
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