Hey,
Maybe I'm not the only service member that is going through this right now, but my life is really messed up because I'm constantly tense and angry. Some of my cousins died in 9/11 and then over in Afghanistan, I got into the AF because I love to fly and because I wanted revenge... so I was already angry. I screwed up big time as a pilot with my self destructive behavior and washed out, I came back through the JAG corps but I'm doing stuff now that's unrelated and I can't talk about it with my wife. So basically I'm kind of isolated and still really angry, it just gets worse. I hate/detest/want to kill every muslim on Earth. Some used to be very good friends of mine, like my next door neighbors, one of my roommates in college and some friends online.
I can't turn it off, I bring it home, I've got it in the back of my mind when I watch the little mermaid with my daughters. I can't even take my wife out to dinner without being intense and angry.
I can direct it to some extent, it's how I do so well in school and in the military, but sometimes it's just too much and I lash out. I'm not like this, as a person, I'm basically a preppy bookworm dork, I mean usually I'm kind of aloof but never mean or angry. I feel like my discipline is breaking down and I'm drinking a lot more. I don't see a way out of this... does anybody else know what I'm talking about?
I joined the military because it was expected of me and because I was furious and wanted to kill as many terrorists as I could see. And I got the chance and blew it by losing control of my anger, was I just feeding a dragon and joining for the wrong reasons? How do people work through the anger? I want to be a better husband and father, this [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] is messing everything up for me.
Thanks
Maybe I'm not the only service member that is going through this right now, but my life is really messed up because I'm constantly tense and angry. Some of my cousins died in 9/11 and then over in Afghanistan, I got into the AF because I love to fly and because I wanted revenge... so I was already angry. I screwed up big time as a pilot with my self destructive behavior and washed out, I came back through the JAG corps but I'm doing stuff now that's unrelated and I can't talk about it with my wife. So basically I'm kind of isolated and still really angry, it just gets worse. I hate/detest/want to kill every muslim on Earth. Some used to be very good friends of mine, like my next door neighbors, one of my roommates in college and some friends online.
I can't turn it off, I bring it home, I've got it in the back of my mind when I watch the little mermaid with my daughters. I can't even take my wife out to dinner without being intense and angry.
I can direct it to some extent, it's how I do so well in school and in the military, but sometimes it's just too much and I lash out. I'm not like this, as a person, I'm basically a preppy bookworm dork, I mean usually I'm kind of aloof but never mean or angry. I feel like my discipline is breaking down and I'm drinking a lot more. I don't see a way out of this... does anybody else know what I'm talking about?
I joined the military because it was expected of me and because I was furious and wanted to kill as many terrorists as I could see. And I got the chance and blew it by losing control of my anger, was I just feeding a dragon and joining for the wrong reasons? How do people work through the anger? I want to be a better husband and father, this [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] is messing everything up for me.
Thanks