Bullies at school

[worldwatcher]

My son is 13, many days when I pick him up from school he is in tears or so spitting mad from people calling him names, telling him to f off, threatening to beat him up...he is not a bad kid just a little bit different...not the most popular. This really breaks my heart, how can kids be so mean? I have spoke with the teacher and they say they can't see everything that is going on. I am not really sure what to do, I have enrolled him in martial arts hoping it will give him more self confidence. I have contiplated moving him to a different school, but he is just keeping up now I'm afraid the move will set him back. I have even thought of home schooling. Any sugestions please.

 

[LovesToRead]

Hi, Thanks for sharing your situation.

I noticed you're from Canada, and I'm not, so I don't know if you have something similar to what I've heard of hear in the US. My understanding is that schools will have bullying policies in place that they use to deal with these type of situations.

Perhaps if you don't feel you've gotten satisfaction from his teacher, you can speak with a higher authority, like the principal. Not sure if there would be anyone in between.

The martial arts idea sounds like a good one to build self-confidence. Hope that will help.

I just read your public profile and noticed you are married. I'm wondering if your husband is giving his input in the matter, as you only spoke of youself.


I know it's small in comparison, my son played basketball for many years growing up. Well one year, he ran into a boy who was always on his case for no apparent reason. He would turn my son's name into the feminine version of the name, and that is what he would ALWAYS call my son. (what I mean is, if my son's name was Stephen, he would have called him Stephanie, I'm choosing not to use his real name, since he's also a member here.) It would embarass him when this boy would do this every time, and the other kid knew it.

He did also get threatened with violence by another kid who he had never even seen before. I spoke with the director of the sports department at the YMCA and it turned out the kid was known for causing trouble and they were trying to work with him. But anytime this kid would run into this perfect stranger (my son) he'd try to hurt him - for what reason, I'll never know.

But at least my son's situations were limited to his sports involvement. Most years things would go along without any incident, we' just run into the occasional bad apple.

I wouldn't rule out alternatives. Sometimes the particular situation is not good and is different elsewhere.

We are a home schooling family and would be happy to give you input about it, if you'd ever like it. But I also know that's not an alternative that works for everyone.

As I mentioned above, even home schoolers aren't immune from this type of thing in some situations. That boy who threatened my son didn't know him previously from school, since my son doesn't attend school, or anywhere else. They walked into try-outs on the same night, and this boy threatened my son. Figure that one out.

Please come back and give us updates on what's going on and feel free to pm me if you'd like.

God Bless your family.

 

[3girls2dogs]

Hi. I am sorry for what your son is experiencing. It is horrible to see it happen to your own child and not be able to fix it, I know.

I work at a high school, and I see it happen here all the time, and while our administrators do everything they can to stop it from happening, it is very difficult. Our high school has 2700 students, so you can imagine how difficult it is to monitor every child, and sadly, even if something is done at the school level, it usually goes past that anyway.

Last year, my daughter was being harrassed by email and IM by a girl from her school, all because she stood up for herself on something, and it got so bad that she was threatening to *kill* her. I printed out each email and conversation and eventually got the police involved. But that didn't necessarily stop it. My daughter was harrassed by the girl's friends and the school was never able to really stop it.

I agree with the Martial Arts training for confidence, and maybe getting him involved in other things he is passionate about so that the may less time to worry about what some other kids may think of him. I wish I could homeschool my kids, but sadly, financially, it is really out of the question, as I have to work.

I hope that your son is able to find the confidence to get past this awful time.

 

[worldwatcher]

QUOTE:I just read your public profile and noticed you are married. I'm wondering if your husband is giving his input in the matter, as you only spoke of youself.)

As my husband works out of town most of the winter he certainly does what he can over the phone, but I am the one who see's this sad litle face everyday.

Thanks for your responses, its just nice to know I'm not alone. Latley I have been just popping into school at lunch and just checking out the kids that are doing this, and it seems to be helping somewhat.
I will keep you posted...God bless

 

[LovesToRead]

I agree that having other activities to focus on is really helpful. And hopefully having his friends who are loyal to him will also help him to know that not everyone's against him.

One of my dear friends (an adult girlfriend) has confided that she was bullied a lot as a kid. She says that it helped that she got a lot of support at home and always felt loved there, and that helped her so much. Also, she developed the attitude that if someone doesn't like her, then that's just too bad for them.

Thanks for keeping us updated and please continue to do so.

 

[FollowHisPath]

I know im not a parent but I saw this topic and I thougt I should respond.

It's sad these days where the "wise and stronger" kids pick on the "not so wise and weaker kids". I have not been bullyed any this yet yet but I am in special ed and thats where bullying tends to go. Last year in 9th grade a girl allways called me "lice girl" and "nose picker". It broke my heart and I cryed one time in front of her becuse I couldnt take it anymore.....mistake. She called me cry baby everyday. I still cant get her off my mind and she has moved to another school. Why are kids soooo mean these days? I am s simple, innocent kid trying to find her way threw school but I have to incounter bullys. I am so sweet too, I dont deserve to be treated this way. Tell your son that he is not allone, and that he is defitanlly going to be in my prayers!

 

[Mela'h]

Perhaps if you don't feel you've gotten satisfaction from his teacher, you can speak with a higher authority, like the principal. Not sure if there would be anyone in between.

The martial arts idea sounds like a good one to build self-confidence. Hope that will help.

Hey ww I am sorry that this is happening to your child. I imagine that it is heartbreaking for you. I really think LTR has given some really good advice. Our public schools have anti-bullying policies in place and if you are not getting any movement to help your son and resolve this, you can go to the school board. Our children should not have to put up with this at school. If the principal does not take this seriously, consider writing the superintendant in your district.

And you know how I feel about martial arts it has only brought good things into my son's life.

Praying for you and your son

 

[worldwatcher]

I know im not a parent but I saw this topic and I thougt I should respond.

It's sad these days where the "wise and stronger" kids pick on the "not so wise and weaker kids". I have not been bullyed any this yet yet but I am in special ed and thats where bullying tends to go. Last year in 9th grade a girl allways called me "lice girl" and "nose picker". It broke my heart and I cryed one time in front of her becuse I couldnt take it anymore.....mistake. She called me cry baby everyday. I still cant get her off my mind and she has moved to another school. Why are kids soooo mean these days? I am s simple, innocent kid trying to find her way threw school but I have to incounter bullys. I am so sweet too, I dont deserve to be treated this way. Tell your son that he is not allone, and that he is defitanlly going to be in my prayers!

You sound like a very sweet girl. I'm sorry for the bullies that you have encountered. I wish for a minute they would stop and really look at a person and whats in their heart. I will tell my son that he is not alone and thank you for your prayers...God bless my prayers for you too sweetheart.

 

[worldwatcher]

Hey ww I am sorry that this is happening to your child. I imagine that it is heartbreaking for you. I really think LTR has given some really good advice. Our public schools have anti-bullying policies in place and if you are not getting any movement to help your son and resolve this, you can go to the school board. Our children should not have to put up with this at school. If the principal does not take this seriously, consider writing the superintendant in your district.

And you know how I feel about martial arts it has only brought good things into my son's life.

Praying for you and your son

Hi cookieboo Thanks for the tip I think I will write a letter to the superintendant,and not just for my son but for all kids that get bullied, this is not right. Son has had three classes now and already I can see a difference in him. Thanks for you support and prayers you all are terrific!

 

[rasplundjr]

Okay maybe I'm not the best role model for doing this. I taught my son a couple of pressure points and holds so that when the bullies mess with him he can mess back. He still doesnt' tell me what goes on I can tell by his attitude, and especially when my wife and grill him on it that he is being bullied but doesn't want to admit it.

 

[worldwatcher]

I really don't think its a bad thing that you've taught him that,kids need to know how to protect themselves...sad but true!

 

[koolist]

I have to admit what I have to say isn't very useful so i'm not going to say it but I did want to post something so I will kepp you and your son in my prayers. I hope that things will improve as I have been through a similar situation with the bullying myself. I didn't like at all and sometimes it did get quite violent but I just kept on saying to myself to be strong!!

I hope things get better soon and praying for you all

Koolist

 

[worldwatcher]

Thanks for your prayers koolist...be strong through Christ.

 

[CountryLady]

Hello worldwatcher, my son is going through the same thing. He's a young teenager and there are days when I could sit down and cry with him. Some kid's can be so mean, and uncaring.

The teacher's aren't very helpful either and at times do not want to be bothered. I have told my son to try talking to the kid's who pick on him. But the problem is when some kid's see someone getting picked on, they think they can pick on them too, as if the child is an easy target.

I have told my son to stay away from these children that pick on him, but at times during the day they are in the bathroom or walking down the hall. It's so sad and hurtful to see your child frustrated and upset everyday.

I will pray for you and your son and for the children who are misbehaving. They need God in their hearts. Big hugs to you. God bless you and your family.

 

[worldwatcher]

I am so sorry to hear about your son,I think it happens more than we know. I have told my son to stay away from these kids as well, but most days it seems impossible...it is so hard some days not to get mad at these kids. I must say that since my son has started self defence classes I have noticed a big change in him. I think it gives him confidence that he could protect himself if he had to, and now that the word is out that he is taking these classes the bullies are backing off a bit.
Thankyou for your prayers, and I will pray for you and your son too