BPD, black and white thinking and Christianity

[Godislove94]

These are some things I've noticed that black and white thinking makes me think about Christianity:

1) God is all good and I am all bad. Everything I do, say, think and want is pure evil.

2) If you aren't suffering or in some kind of pain constantly, you aren't doing it right. This also makes happiness and things that make you happy on this earth wrong, too (earthly treasures and the desire for them).

3) God loves you, but you're still so bad and evil that you have to be punished. You're punished less than you would be as an unbeliever, but you'll still be punished.

4) Anything that even hints of sin, like school debt, is wrong in all circumstances.

5) If you don't meet God's expectations, He will abandon you.

I will think of more as the night goes on, but these are the things that ruined my life two years ago.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

These are some things I've noticed that black and white thinking makes me think about Christianity:

1) God is all good and I am all bad. Everything I do, say, think and want is pure evil.

2) If you aren't suffering or in some kind of pain constantly, you aren't doing it right. This also makes happiness and things that make you happy on this earth wrong, too (earthly treasures and the desire for them).

3) God loves you, but you're still so bad and evil that you have to be punished. You're punished less than you would be as an unbeliever, but you'll still be punished.

4) Anything that even hints of sin, like school debt, is wrong in all circumstances.

5) If you don't meet God's expectations, He will abandon you.

I will think of more as the night goes on, but these are the things that ruined my life two years ago.

Godislove94, I am praying for you....and I will keep you in prayer.

I have not been officially diagnosed with BPD, but I have some of the symptoms of BPD:

Unstable relationships, Impulsive self-destructive behaviors, Self-harm (most recently in September 2016), Explosive anger

I also struggle with black and white thinking.

For example, thinking that my earthly father is bad/evil....

You are a Christian so:
(1) God no longer condemns you
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)

(2) Jesus Christ is your Good Shepherd. You are one of the precious sheep that belongs to Jesus. Jesus Christ gives abundant life to His sheep (John 10:9-11)

(3) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39)

(4) School debt is not sin. A reasonable amount of school debt is necessary in order to get your college/university degree.

(5) Since you are a Christian, God will NEVER abandon you.

God promises that He will never leave you.

Jesus says, "And be sure of this: I am with you always"

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand (John 10:28-29).

 

[Godislove94]

The school debt issue is what started all of this. I had fought and prayed for two years to go back and finish my degree after being gone for two years for lack of money. I got involved with a legalistic church that told me all debt was wrong. At the end when He made a way for me to not only get out of there, but go back and continue college, I wanted to leave the job I was at very badly. I got scared that if I quit and did end up having to borrow (no debt at that point), that God wouldn't be pleased and He'd discipline me by unleashing Holy Terror of some sort on me that would be so bad, it would destroy my life. I stayed at that job and tried to make it work so that wouldn't happen. I failed classes, backslid because I was spending all of my spare time trying desperately to keep up with classwork while working 8 hour shifts (I would leave the minute class was over to go into work and then drive 30 minutes home every night from my job). People judged and even shamed me for wanting to quit and risk taking in debt, and the guilt from that was what drove me to stay there and I thought it was God speaking to me through people. I got angry and pulled away because I felt betrayed by Him and the rest is history. My life ended two years ago just when it was getting started. Now, I would be perfectly content for Him to just destroy me.

 

[Jlaw260]

Hi there. I suffer from BPD as well. I merely want to share the way I see things through my eyes. I used to feel like God is the judge, and the jury, and we are punished. I saw it like a judge in the courtroom. I heard this from man, not God himself. When I did my outlook changed when I reflected on the word father, not judge. See a courtroom judge is not my father, he doesnt love me unconditionaly, and he wants me to pay. Our father, loves us REGARDLESS and wants good things for us. We are all broken and fall, and I think by his design in those times, he wants us to seek HIM which ultimately have a stronger relationship with him.

I have a good relationship with my pastor. He knows everything and I can tell him all with no judgement. He tells me "brother I am simply here to listen and not judge and hopefully I can help guide you through his word and HIS only" My religion consist of me, God, and the bible, because his word is the truth and the light. Not mans. I am very careful when I listen to mans thoughts and views on God (hence way I love my pastor when he leads me to his word). See man is broken and imperfect therefor his words can be too.