Pastors' wives, may I ask you a question? Would you agree with the following statement:
"Being a pastor's wife is a full-time, unpaid job?" Thank you for your feedback!
No. It is not a job. Neither is being a pastor; it is a calling. Being a pastor’s wife does involve supporting your husband in ministry, but what that means for each person is between them and God. People do have expectations for pastors’ wives—and their children, too—but you have to be careful with those. Sometimes those expectations are unrealistic or unnecessary. Sometimes people expect pastors’ wives to be with their husbands at every church program/service and every pastoral visit and look perfect and have perfect children and play the piano and teach Sunday School and on and on. But we can’t do everything, and we are not perfect.
I’ve been a young pastor’s wife, and now I’m a middle-aged pastor’s wife, and I’ve learned a few things. When I was younger, I was more likely to say yes to things that I didn’t want to do, didn’t have time to do, wasn’t called to do, or wasn’t equipped to do. I was also more likely to feel hurt by people’s criticisms of me or of my husband.
When my husband was called to his current church as a pastor, I went with him to meet with the search committee. They gave me a chance to speak, and I told them that I believe my husband has a calling from God and gifts of preaching and teaching a heart for people. I also told them that I would support him in his ministry but that I have a full-time job (I was a stay-at-home mom when our kids were younger), so I wouldn’t be able to accompany him to everything. I wanted them to know that right away so that they wouldn’t start out with too many expectations. And they didn’t.
So I’m there every Sunday morning and sometimes for special programs. I play the piano occasionally as a sub when their regular pianist is gone. I help my husband lead the congregational singing every week. I write a monthly devotional for the church newsletter. I believe all of those things are within the scope of my gifts and talents. But they are not my job (although they do pay me when I play the piano). They are ways that God uses me to minister to others, though. He has put me in a special position as a pastor’s wife. And I can brush off criticisms more easily now, knowing that I answer to God and not to everyone else.