Apostolic Doctrine

[ElizabethanLady]

Hi, I posted before about my marital status.

To be succinct, I will say that I divorced my third husband while I was away from the Lord. I was in a backslidden position.

Okay, I met a man who is wonderful and all that. But, I've found a great church BUT a lady took it upon herself to tell me that the pastor wouldn't marry us. We are living together, for reasons I don't have time to go into. I know that has to stop.

So, we either get married or get separate places.

Someone commented on another thread:

I fully anticipate that my church will not marry me... unless it was to my ex-wife. And why should they? Why should churches conform to our society rather than God's word?

I divorced my ex-husband, as I said, when I was in a backslidden condition. Does the Lord not forgive that, in the sense that I have seen where I messed up and can remarry?
There is absolutely no way I would consider reconciling to my ex-husband.

The reason I ask is because Jesus said if you even look on a woman with lust you have committed adultery in your heart.

The problem is, we are already a family. The kids love him. Do I have to break up another household? Obviously, I should never have allowed him to move in but I was backslid at the time.

Thoughts?

P.S. I really love him and he is so good to us. I guess I need to talk to my pastor, I don't know.

 

[Blade]

Hi, I posted before about my marital status.

To be succinct, I will say that I divorced my third husband while I was away from the Lord. I was in a backslidden position.

Okay, I met a man who is wonderful and all that. But, I've found a great church BUT a lady took it upon herself to tell me that the pastor wouldn't marry us. We are living together, for reasons I don't have time to go into. I know that has to stop.

So, we either get married or get separate places.

Someone commented on another thread:



I divorced my ex-husband, as I said, when I was in a backslidden condition. Does the Lord not forgive that, in the sense that I have seen where I messed up and can remarry?
There is absolutely no way I would consider reconciling to my ex-husband.

The reason I ask is because Jesus said if you even look on a woman with lust you have committed adultery in your heart.

The problem is, we are already a family. The kids love him. Do I have to break up another household? Obviously, I should never have allowed him to move in but I was backslid at the time.

Thoughts?

P.S. I really love him and he is so good to us. I guess I need to talk to my pastor, I don't know.

Dear what's done is done. We know we can't change the past. What would Jesus say? Go and sin no more. If you have not yet, go before the lord and repent for the past and he WILL forgive everything and then marry the man your with and stay in church teach you babys about Jesus.

 

[kspchemist]

The problem is, we are already a family. The kids love him. Do I have to break up another household? Obviously, I should never have allowed him to move in but I was backslid at the time.

He might be good to you, but you are still not a family. I would go as far to say that you cannot even marry this good man. Look at I Corinthians 7:11, 'But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.' As I see it you are still married to your previous husband, and cannot even get married again, until your ex-husband dies. Yes, God forgives you, but you still have concequinces to your actions. This happens to one of those unfortinuate situations.

I would tell you the first thing you need to do is tell him to go and find another place to live. Then explain to you children that what you did was wrong, and this man needs to live somewhere else because we are not married.

I'm sorry that it may not be the answer that you want, but it's what my advice would be. I do hope that you would at least listen to what I have to say.

 

[rapturefish]

I'm not an expert at these things, but if the ex is no longer your husband and there is no desire on his part to come back, then he is not obligated. I see that you wish to make things right with your partner now as a matter of obedience and I believe that is a good thing. Yes, talk to your pastor. God paid for your sin at the cross. If you have confessed it and chose to turn from the sins of the past it is forgiven. There is no question on that point - only a matter of whether you believe and are convinced that it is true you are forgiven or whether you believe any thoughts that you are not forgiven, which are thoughts of the devil who is the father of lies. Your mindset must be changed by the promises of God to believe that you are forgiven and God sees you as spotless because of the blood of Jesus.

If you want to be married to your partner (is he a believer?) then you need to consider where he is with God. Practically speaking you are a family even though there is no paper there. If you plan to marry him and he is not a believer then he needs to know that you have a relationship with God and that he is okay with that. It will be hard if he is not with the Lord. You will have to cultivate your relationship with God even if he doesn't share that same relationship and be mindful that some will be unfruitful and not grow because of their unbelieving spouses.

I feel that because you are a family practically if not legally or officially it makes it hard and I hope you won't have to choose between them and God. But if you have to, choose God. Put him first, and trust him to restore what you've given up. if you marry this man, then pray for him to be saved and be connected closely with other women who will be your community and help you keep firm in the faith.

Your faith is vital and you cannot lose that again. You will be fruitful as you stay connected to God. And if you do be fruitful then it will affect your family in a positive way. And if your husband cannot tolerate this, then he is free to leave since we are called to peace.

That is my advice as a true layman on the subject.

blessings,

 

[ElizabethanLady]

I am not telling him to leave.
I love him and the children love him.

What I did was wrong; however, it's in the past and I cannot change it.

All I can do is see my mistakes, ask God to forgive me and move on.

We are getting married Friday. Unfortunately it won't be at my home church but at the church I used to attend.

My fiance does not hinder me at all, he even attends church with us as a family.

We will be married in the pastor's study. At least it will be in a church, by a pastor.

 

[kspchemist]

I am not telling him to leave.
I love him and the children love him.

That's great that you love him, but as I stated earlier kick him out. You are heading for a mistake. Please read again I Cor 7:11.

What I did was wrong; however, it's in the past and I cannot change it.

All I can do is see my mistakes, ask God to forgive me and move on.

That is true, but does two wrongs make a right?

We are getting married Friday. Unfortunately it won't be at my home church but at the church I used to attend.

There is a reason that your home church is against it. Read I Cor 7:11.

My fiance does not hinder me at all, he even attends church with us as a family.

Is he saved? If he isn't, then ditch him like a bad habit.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I want you to grow in the fulness of Christ. You have stated that you had backslid once before, as have I. I know it is hard to live the walk, but we need to encourage one another in love. There is a reason God forbids remarriage, and it's not for our displeasure, but for our good.

Again please reconsider you getting married!

 

[crazy4hillsong]

Lets look at the conext of 1 Corinthians 7:11. These instructions are for those in the Lord, not those with past relationships before coming to Christ. Paul states this in 1 Corinthians 7:7 "But every man has his proper gift of God" or every man has a different situation for getting married or not getting married.

Now seeing that our dear friend is back to the Lord, those things are in the past and dead and FORGOTTEN - they never happened in the sight of the Lord. Youd have a reasonable argument, IF she had divorced while with the Lord. But this is a sin that is forgiven and forgotten. The punishment is still there too? The baggage that comes with a previously divorced family is overwhelming. But with proper prayer and fasting and a steadfast committment to the Lord and her husband, this curse of divorce can be broken before it reaches her kids.

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Go and sin no more. God bless you and your family.

 

[crazy4hillsong]

On a side note, i dont agree with you two living together, its clearly an appearance of evil - but i dont think youd care to go into a debate on that issue so thats why i didnt address it in my post. God bless!

 

[Blade]

I am not telling him to leave.
I love him and the children love him.

What I did was wrong; however, it's in the past and I cannot change it.

All I can do is see my mistakes, ask God to forgive me and move on.

We are getting married Friday. Unfortunately it won't be at my home church but at the church I used to attend.

My fiance does not hinder me at all, he even attends church with us as a family.

We will be married in the pastor's study. At least it will be in a church, by a pastor.

Bless you I will be praying for your new family. May I ask is you fiance saved?

 

[Blade]

I do agree with the rest to live together is wrong. kspchemist there is so much of this story you do not know. Did you know verse 15 of the same chapter says But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. Do you remember what Jesus said? John 8:10-11 0 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. Please be careful for you do not know her heart.

 

[kspchemist]

The punishment is still there too?

I'll answer your question with a question. If someone sleeps around and contracts HIV gets saved, do they still have to suffer with the HIV? You, as well as I, know that answer, and the answer is yes. Just because you commit sin while you were backslid doesn't mean you have to not suffer the concequences. ALL sin has concequences. Some are here now and others are shown later, but there is always concequences.

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Yes Paul does allow the unbelieving to depart, since they are not under church law, but doesn't give the believing the right to marry again, since they are under church law.
There is no concent anywhere in the scripture for divorce and remarriage. Look at Genesis 2:24 'Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.' At the beginning God had no allowment for divorce. Look at Matthew 19:3-9


3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.



9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

​

The Pharasees asked abot divorce from Jesus. Jesus quotes from Genesis 2:24, and then He says in verse that the only cause for divorce is fornication. Still even Jesus didn't allow them that were divorced to remarry.

 

[Abiel]

I am not telling him to leave.
I love him and the children love him.

What I did was wrong; however, it's in the past and I cannot change it.

All I can do is see my mistakes, ask God to forgive me and move on.

We are getting married Friday. Unfortunately it won't be at my home church but at the church I used to attend.

My fiance does not hinder me at all, he even attends church with us as a family.

We will be married in the pastor's study. At least it will be in a church, by a pastor.

Good. Repent of any sin and be blessed in your marriage.

 

[Abiel]

P.S. will be thinking of you on Friday.

 

[Abiel]

But am puzzled why you asked for opinoins, when you marriage is already organised?

 

[ElizabethanLady]

It wasn't already organized when I asked.
Today I got another shocker: the church that I used to go - well I went and talked with the pastor. When he found out where I am going to church, he nearly lost it! He said they are "under bondage." He mentioned the Pastor's name and said that if I go there my Christian walk is "nominal."
He doesn't know anything about me other than that is where I am attending church! He used to be my pastor but it was a very large church. We never got to know each other real personally. He kept saying "I don't want to hurt you". Because I had started to cry, because he said he wouldn't marry us. I just sat there thinking, I want to be married in church and now I am going to have to get married at the courthouse.

 

[BarbB]

So, get married at the courthouse.

Before I was saved, I married 3 times, divorced twice. I am a new creature now! Unfortunately my husband died, but what's past and forgiven is past and forgiven.

I got married in a Town Office in VT. Just go for it! And check out some other churches for your new family to attend.

 

[enoch son]

Dear lady. I call you that because you are. What I'm about to say made sound strange to you but I believe it to be true. Frist is he a believer I didn't catch that. I will go on as if he is. So when you where "backsliding" were did you go that God was not there? Is not your flesh on the cross? What is being join together is your spirits and souls do they fit? I have no condemnation to cast at you. You are set free by the blood of Jesus. How can I not love you? If some self- righteous peacher will not marry you go and fine a man of God who will. One that pray's frist and ask the most high for mercy and His lovingkindess to fall upon His childern. Are body are not perfect and they do make mistakes. And does not God know these thing's? He did know them before the nails were in His hands and feet. Go and love to the fulness of your beings. My pray is that happness fine you and that your life together be long and full of Christ love.

 

[ElizabethanLady]

Thank you....that's very kind of you to write that.

 

[rapturefish]

Be mindful if your partner is not a christian. It can make a world of difference in the life of your family. I am encouraged that you want to make things right, but I'm concerned that if your partner is not for God then it definitely will affect the way your family goes with God. I wouldn't say don't marry, but if you are now directed in your life towards God, then stay with Him and make sure you have a loving community of godly people to support you in that walk. It will not be easy. As far as I'm concerned you and your partner are practically married and are simply making it official. In that case, pray for your partner to come to the Lord, raise your children to be totally committed and on fire for God.

I know that in my own family the consequences of having one partner not for God affected the whole direction of our family in many negative and ongoing ways. However, harder though it may be, there is always hope and we thank God for his mercy. Only half our immediate family is saved, the other half appear to be nowhere near choosing Jesus.

May the outcome be good in God's eyes, and may your future be filled with the hope of God, unhindered by the past - a past which is already forgiven and dealt with the moment you repented of it.

blessings,

 

[ElizabethanLady]

Well, it's Friday but I'm not getting married. I don't want to get married and nobody or no one is going to pressure me into it. Not to mention there are things about our relationship that bother me. Yes, I do love him but I am not going to marry him. At least, not right now. I really want us to get own our separate domiciles first, we need to go back to the beginning and do our "courtship" right..........the foundation we laid isn't right. I'm not going to marry him just because we are living together. Yes it is the appearance of evil and I'm not comfortable with it. However, he doesn't have the money to move out and he has no family to stay with. I got word yesterday that I am up for a good job, I hope I get that. If I do, I am going to move . I really just wish he would get out on his own and stop being dependent on me, although he is here because I did invite him. So I guess it's my fault as much as his. I just don't WANT TO GET MARRIED!!! And I cannot talk to him....he's ultra-sensitive and gets hurt easily. I cannot deal with that because I say what is on my mind......plus, he isn't a Christian. I'm not marrying ANYBODY who doesn't put Jesus first in their life. I am trying to do just that. Not to mention the fact that he isn't respecting my wishes. I have spoken to him about our living together and how it is wrong and he just says he has nowhere to go. I'm sorry but I don't feel obligated to put a roof over his head. On the other hand, I can't just kick him out into the street. He seemingly has NO survival skills, which doesn't bode well for our future and he won't take a minmum wage job - he says we "couldn't pay the bills" on that. Well excuse me but eight-hundred bucks a month coming in here would certainly help! LOL, guess you can tell the wedding's off for now......................................I don't need another child.


What can you do.
Sometimes all you can do is laugh!