Hi,
I am new and need some advice. I suffer from sexual sin. It has been this way since I was in my early-mid teens, and I am now in my 20s. I prayed for many years for it to go away, and was stuck in the continuous cycle of sinning, repenting and then sinning again, always the same lustful sin, and feeling bad in the process. It was at the point where I was lusting like this on a daily basis. I prayed and for awhile nothing happened, but then at some point, when I was sinning I felt like I had God urging me not to. It is hard to describe, but it sort of felt like God was trying to pull me away from sinning. I ended up losing to the flesh anyways. I had another experience like the one above, but I don't remember it as well. Over time I noticed that I wasn't getting the same feelings from doing it anymore, it felt more hollow and empty. It went from daily, to every few days, to a week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, 3 months. Now, a little over a day shy of 4 months, I ended up sinning again. Instead of pushing those thoughts away, I entertained them, which was a mistake I seem to make a lot.
Now the thing that worries me, is I kept getting thoughts like "God is going to forgive you anyways, so I might as well sin." Those are evil thoughts, taking advantage of God's kindness, and I don't want to think that way. Even with those terrible thoughts, I ended up putting my selfishness first and sinning anyways. Part of me is happy because this is the longest I went without falling, and it is hard to do that. But those thoughts worry me. I really, really don't want to think that way, I don't want to take advantage of God's mercy. Now I am worried that God is not going to forgive me because I had those thoughts and sinned anyways, but at the same time, I'm not super worried, because I realize those thoughts are evil and I really don't want to think like that, and I want to continue abstaining from sexual sin, and sin in general.
I should mention I suffer from OCD like thoughts as well, but the above I don't think was OCD, I'm pretty sure that was my actual mind.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
I am new and need some advice. I suffer from sexual sin. It has been this way since I was in my early-mid teens, and I am now in my 20s. I prayed for many years for it to go away, and was stuck in the continuous cycle of sinning, repenting and then sinning again, always the same lustful sin, and feeling bad in the process. It was at the point where I was lusting like this on a daily basis. I prayed and for awhile nothing happened, but then at some point, when I was sinning I felt like I had God urging me not to. It is hard to describe, but it sort of felt like God was trying to pull me away from sinning. I ended up losing to the flesh anyways. I had another experience like the one above, but I don't remember it as well. Over time I noticed that I wasn't getting the same feelings from doing it anymore, it felt more hollow and empty. It went from daily, to every few days, to a week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, 3 months. Now, a little over a day shy of 4 months, I ended up sinning again. Instead of pushing those thoughts away, I entertained them, which was a mistake I seem to make a lot.
Now the thing that worries me, is I kept getting thoughts like "God is going to forgive you anyways, so I might as well sin." Those are evil thoughts, taking advantage of God's kindness, and I don't want to think that way. Even with those terrible thoughts, I ended up putting my selfishness first and sinning anyways. Part of me is happy because this is the longest I went without falling, and it is hard to do that. But those thoughts worry me. I really, really don't want to think that way, I don't want to take advantage of God's mercy. Now I am worried that God is not going to forgive me because I had those thoughts and sinned anyways, but at the same time, I'm not super worried, because I realize those thoughts are evil and I really don't want to think like that, and I want to continue abstaining from sexual sin, and sin in general.
I should mention I suffer from OCD like thoughts as well, but the above I don't think was OCD, I'm pretty sure that was my actual mind.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.