14 year old daughter

[4blessings]

Please help me pray for my 14 year old daughter. She has always been such a sweet child. Fun loving and so obedient. Happy to please us! I have noticed a complete attitude change in her the past couple of months. One morning, she seemed to be a different child. She seems almost cold to me and before, we were really close. She has developed an almost "I don't care" attitude. A few years ago, she was bullied at our church by a pastors daughter which really hurt her (no hitting, more ignoring.. excluding... relational bullying) also she has dealt with epilepsy for the past 6 years and severe food allergies.. so she has dealt with always feeling "different". I have found an app on her tablet called TikTok and decided to investigate it a bit. It was very concerning to me the things I saw which showed up in her "newsfeed" or whatever they call it there. We talked with her and discussed our concerns and long story short, eventually made her delete the account. We homeschool and have always been very open in discussions with her. I am afraid she is thinking abortion is OK, that gay lifestyle is OK, and even found where she told a friend we were "homophobic". She says she lives in "a different generation" and I get that. I am scared we are losing her to this world view and feel so helpless. We go to a church camp in early July.. please pray for her. That God would work on her heart and lead her to truth. She did accept Christ at a young age but we just do not see her seeking a deeper relationship with Him. Does anyone have advice for me? She is the fourth child.. first three were boys. In all honesty, the boys were so much easier.

 

[Renata8]

I homeschool too. How many hours does she spend on the tablet and phone if she has one?
If its alot of time spent on these devices, that time needs to be gently replaced with fun stuff. Like cake decorating, it takes a long time for intricate designs, find some cool decorating tips online together, and try them out together. swimming is good if you can, we try impossible gymnastics and workout videos from youtube and have a good laugh trying to execute the moves while getting executed ourselves Monopoly, checkers and any board games she might like should be fun. Family pictionary is fun. Monitor her communication as young teens are impressionable. Keep praying

 

[Mel333]

Please help me pray for my 14 year old daughter. She has always been such a sweet child. Fun loving and so obedient. Happy to please us! I have noticed a complete attitude change in her the past couple of months. One morning, she seemed to be a different child. She seems almost cold to me and before, we were really close. She has developed an almost "I don't care" attitude. A few years ago, she was bullied at our church by a pastors daughter which really hurt her (no hitting, more ignoring.. excluding... relational bullying) also she has dealt with epilepsy for the past 6 years and severe food allergies.. so she has dealt with always feeling "different". I have found an app on her tablet called TikTok and decided to investigate it a bit. It was very concerning to me the things I saw which showed up in her "newsfeed" or whatever they call it there. We talked with her and discussed our concerns and long story short, eventually made her delete the account. We homeschool and have always been very open in discussions with her. I am afraid she is thinking abortion is OK, that gay lifestyle is OK, and even found where she told a friend we were "homophobic". She says she lives in "a different generation" and I get that. I am scared we are losing her to this world view and feel so helpless. We go to a church camp in early July.. please pray for her. That God would work on her heart and lead her to truth. She did accept Christ at a young age but we just do not see her seeking a deeper relationship with Him. Does anyone have advice for me? She is the fourth child.. first three were boys. In all honesty, the boys were so much easier.

Yeah, it does sound like she’s conforming the mainstream worldview. However, she is young and going through that rebellious phase in life.
Seems to happen when females are coming into puberty.

It would be hard to teach Christian values these days because of the worldy influences in media etc

I suppose just keep doing what you’re doing and just be a good role model of Christian values. You can only do so much as a parent and will be met with resistance.

Be a person of influence. Someone to follow. You could be met with resistance due to your emotional reactions rather than what you are saying as well.

Tricky though. Id be pretty annoyed if my child was influenced by the world and be on their case about it. It’s just what mother hens do.

Anyway, sounds like you’re doing what you can. I have a feeling she could be resistant due to your emotional reactions. Ie worry, stress, feeling defeated.
Just a thought.

Sounds like you’re a great mum who cares about her children

 

[PloverWing]

Did anything in particular happen in the last couple of months? I suppose there's the obvious, the coronavirus lockdown -- how's she taking that? Are there friends she used to spend time with, that she can't see now, or places she used to enjoy visiting? Or, did something else significant happen?

It might simply be that she's gotten to the age where she's going to examine and question her beliefs. Everybody has to go through that, of course, to get to a mature adult faith, but it's uncomfortable watching our kids go through it.

I'm glad she'll be able to go to a church-related camp this summer. If her experience of church friendships so far has been being bullied by the pastor's daughter, then that's hard. Maybe she'll be able to meet some Christian teens at camp and form some good friendships there.

 

[Jeshu]

The best thing you can do is teach her what sin causes to happen inside our hearts and how it makes us feel. Especially how sin always enslaves and makes us feel bad and when it is fully grown we die in such a part of our lives. Sin kills good life.

i found that teaching our children the consequences of sin has done more to keep them in the faith than anything else for they could see for themselves what sin did to them and then they remembered our warnings and the warnings of scripture. Jesus took care of the rest.

The world teaches sin is fun but usually the fun doesn't last long before the pain comes. Sin divides us from within and keep us away from a living relationship with God. Teach your children those lessons and they will soon realise that your 'old fashion teachings' are still very relevant today.

Peace.

 

[coffee4u]

Did anything happen that could have caused this change in attitude, anything at all? Friend moving away? Denied something that maybe you didn't see as important but was more so to her? Started her period? Cyber bullying? It's also a prime time for anxiety. You might want to try a defuser and some calming essential oils.
Did she change her medication at all? I have epilepsy, certain medications can affect personality and mentality especially combined with puberty. Also check that she doesn't need some added vitamins and minerals with her medication. I take magnesium and Vit D. At a little younger I developed a Folic Acid deficiency from the meds that I was on. Vitamin D is more important to woman who are menstruating along with iron. Just being low could affect her mood.

Since you homeschool-we do too, I would make these areas into Bible studies. Always remember it's not us that want them to think or do a certain thing, it's God, so make sure what you are teaching isn't coming across as "Your father and I believe" type of thing. This is an age for questioning and moving away from "I believe X because my family believes X" and moving onto "This is my belief" Any belief you say you have has to be your own, not an inherited belief or it will at some point be tossed aside.

My daughter is 18 now and we had a bit of a stage around 14 with a less than desirable friends. It's like a rope, you don't want it to hold it too tightly or they will pull back. So make sure you say yes to everything that you can say yes to and make sure she is getting a say in her own schooling and other areas. At the same time don't give her too much rope so she gets ensnared in the pitfalls of life. It isn't easy. Make sure she knows that she is loved and appreciated no matter what and try and keep up with mum and daughter talk times at bedtime.

Praying.

 

[4blessings]

Did anything in particular happen in the last couple of months? I suppose there's the obvious, the coronavirus lockdown -- how's she taking that? Are there friends she used to spend time with, that she can't see now, or places she used to enjoy visiting? Or, did something else significant happen?

It might simply be that she's gotten to the age where she's going to examine and question her beliefs. Everybody has to go through that, of course, to get to a mature adult faith, but it's uncomfortable watching our kids go through it.

I'm glad she'll be able to go to a church-related camp this summer. If her experience of church friendships so far has been being bullied by the pastor's daughter, then that's hard. Maybe she'll be able to meet some Christian teens at camp and form some good friendships there.

It was during the quarantine that the attitude change happened. We sat down to do our daily Bible reading and she had a different look on her face. She said something to me that day along the lines of "what I believe isn't what you believe" in a snarky sort of attitude. It floored me, not really what she said but more her tone she said it in. She had never spoken to me that way. It hurt. Since then, we have seen this change. She has a best friend who is a Christian and I called her mom (she is a good friend of mine) and we decided to get the girls together regardless of "social distancing"... it was good for her! She chats with them every day on Instagram, live chats and texting on her tablet. She does not have a phone. Her best friend went to the same church where she was bullied by the pastors daughter.. but she was accepted by this girl. I do remember my daughter coming home, crying, asking "what is wrong with me? Why don't they like me?" This is a totally different story. One I struggle with as well.

 

[4blessings]

Did anything happen that could have caused this change in attitude, anything at all? Friend moving away? Denied something that maybe you didn't see as important but was more so to her? Started her period? Cyber bullying? It's also a prime time for anxiety. You might want to try a defuser and some calming essential oils.
Did she change her medication at all? I have epilepsy, certain medications can affect personality and mentality especially combined with puberty. Also check that she doesn't need some added vitamins and minerals with her medication. I take magnesium and Vit D. At a little younger I developed a Folic Acid deficiency from the meds that I was on. Vitamin D is more important to woman who are menstruating along with iron. Just being low could affect her mood.

Since you homeschool-we do too, I would make these areas into Bible studies. Always remember it's not us that want them to think or do a certain thing, it's God, so make sure what you are teaching isn't coming across as "Your father and I believe" type of thing. This is an age for questioning and moving away from "I believe X because my family believes X" and moving onto "This is my belief" Any belief you say you have has to be your own, not an inherited belief or it will at some point be tossed aside.

My daughter is 18 now and we had a bit of a stage around 14 with a less than desirable friends. It's like a rope, you don't want it to hold it too tightly or they will pull back. So make sure you say yes to everything that you can say yes to and make sure she is getting a say in her own schooling and other areas. At the same time don't give her too much rope so she gets ensnared in the pitfalls of life. It isn't easy. Make sure she knows that she is loved and appreciated no matter what and try and keep up with mum and daughter talk times at bedtime.

Praying.

Nothing that I can think of.. Her cycles did finally get more regular around this time. We figured at first it was hormones, but not sure. She is not on any seizure medicine except CBD oil which has kept her seizure free for almost two years. She has recently started a drug called Diamox to help with ESES that resulted from her epilepsy. Her epilpesy is the kind she is suppose to outgrow. But it has affected her brain and gives symptoms similar to ADD and that has affected her school work... she really struggles in Math and I think that bothers her too.. which makes me think this is where the "I don't care" attitude came from eventually. She WANTS to do math but cannot focus through a problem. Before the epilepsy hit, she was learning wonderfully! So I do believe the spikes have affected her in that area. She wants to go to public school which is something we feel very strongly against. We are however looking into her taking maybe a class or two at her local high school next spring to let her have this experience.. they offer that here. Also, she is getting on a track team for homeschoolers where there are around 30 kids, and she is also asking to go to another church youth group on Sunday nights (her regular one meets on Wednesdays).. I think she just wants to meet new friends. She is just socially awkward at times and I think it is due to her experiences with the bullying when she was younger. Maybe she doesn't have the confidence.

 

[mama2one]

try to keep close even though she's pushing you away

 

[hedrick]

You don't report any behavioral problems, just that your daughter has some political opinions that are different from yours. That's normal and expected. Adolescents ought to be at the beginning of starting to make up their own minds about things, and you surely don't expect that on everything she'll end up agreeing with you. The specific opinions you report are typical for her generation, even Christians in her generation. They don't mean it's not possible for her to be a Christian.

Deleting an app is not likely to change her opinions, and may actually backfire. At a minimum, it's going to make it a lot less likely that she'll talk with you openly about what she thinks.

 

[4blessings]

You don't report any behavioral problems, just that your daughter has some political opinions that are different from yours. That's normal and expected. Adolescents ought to be at the beginning of starting to make up their own minds about things, and you surely don't expect that on everything she'll end up agreeing with you. The specific opinions you report are typical for her generation, even Christians in her generation. They don't mean it's not possible for her to be a Christian.

Deleting an app is not likely to change her opinions, and may actually backfire. At a minimum, it's going to make it a lot less likely that she'll talk with you openly about what she thinks.

Yes, there are behavior changes as well. She has an "I don't care anymore" attitude, disrespect, disobedience, etc.. she use to have such a heart for the homeless, she prayed for them all the time. I don't hear her do that anymore.. it is sad seeing this change.

 

[hedrick]

Yes, there are behavior changes as well. She has an "I don't care anymore" attitude, disrespect, disobedience, etc.. she use to have such a heart for the homeless, she prayed for them all the time. I don't hear her do that anymore.. it is sad seeing this change.

I work with her age group in church, and have for most of my life. These attitudes are not so unusual for young teens. Still, they often respond to opportunities to actually help people. With her health situation I realize it may be harder to get out of the house, but if there's a way through church to get her involved in real service, that might be helpful.

 

[KimmyO]

HI there, praying with you for your daughter, it is hard. She might be just feeling hormonal and lost with her feelings and is thinking on her own about things to make her own choices, it's needed in growth and for her relationship with God to deepen she will question things. Give her some freedom or she will bolt. Also, just have available materials but give her space. If too much is pushed on her, she will go the opposite direction. Some kids unfortunately have to learn the hard way and go the rough terrain before realizing where the path is truly. Our son prayed the prayer of salvation and did not rebel till he did, and he doesn't believe at all, (My husband, his dad is not a believer too.) Looking back there was never any root or fruit, he was just doing what Mom wanted. I still pray for both husband for 39 yrs and son for 37 yrs. Nothing I say or do can make them believe or change their mind, only God thru the Holy Spirit can bring them to repentance and he doesn't force, so it is their choice. Very hard, I know!! My prayer for them is usually like this: Dear Lord, please bring them to repentance, help them see their need for you and their sin. Open their eyes and ears and understanding that they may see and hear and know that you are God. Soften their hearts, till the hard soil, and draw them with your Holy Spirit. Bring into their lives bold intelligent Christian friends that will speak your word to them and be that real friend to lead them to repentance. That is all one can do and there is far more power in prayer than in pushing. It might take time, and hard consequences, but love and grace will do far more than anything else. <3 Best to you, I know your heart is hurting, believe me. Praying for you, for peace and joy in midst of it all.