- Dec 31, 2023
- 1
- 7
- 43
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Hello all, I am 43m and my mom was 74. After my dad passed away 15 years ago I made a 2nd home out of their basement and moved in to help take care of everything (mom, home, property). I had only had my own place for 2 yrs before I came back. Since then, my mom and I have been inseparable. I am engaged now, have been for 7yrs, and my mom and fiance loved each other as well. My mom was cursed with just overall bad health. For last several years battling degenerative disc disease, arthritis, tiredness, IBS, etc. Nothing life threating, but all add up to make someone miserable. I have been doing all the house cleaning, shopping, dr. Appt's, helping my mom with everything, and I didn't mind it at all because my mom was the most precious woman with the biggest heart ever. Last Friday she complained about her side hurting really bad when I went up to see her at 9:30am. This is the same side she fell and hit a few months back and bruised a rib. I took her to the ER at that time and after a horrible night they sent her home with no help, but even in more pain from laying on a horrible mattress. I asked her if she wanted to go to ER and she begged me not to take her just let her rest. I checked on her at 11am and 1pm and both times she was laying in bed trying to get comfortable, but in a lot of pain. I told her I would be back at 3 and if she was still hurting we HAD to go to hospital. I was so tired I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up at 3:30. Figuring I would go upstairs and be heading to ER. When I came up my precious momma was laying back on the bed with her legs off the side like she had been sitting up. She had blood all over her nightgown, leg, and mouth like she was coughing up blood, and had passed. This has destroyed me! All I keep thinking is if I had forced her to go to the ER, or if I had not dozed off, I could have helped her and she would still be here. Even though she was miserable, battling depression, in pain all the time, and ready to go “home", I feel I completely failed her and just let her die. Whatever this was, it was major and theres no gurantee they could have saved her, but i feel like i didnt try even against her wishes. I have no idea how to shake this feeling and guilt. My mom was my world. I don't even know how to have my own life anymore. Not hearing her footsteps upstairs, talking to her before work, calling to check on her at work, seeing her when I get home, talking to her later thay evening. I don't even know how to have a life or routine absent my mom.