Last night when I posted that I didn't eat all day and was running on 3 hours sleep. But because I opened that private can of worms I'll be open and honest about it.
I didn't divorce my wife, she divorced me. I wanted to work it out but she was already in love with someone else. I don't blame God for that. She was married before and cheated on him as well. She fell in love with a man who had plenty of money and was not Christian. He left her soon after they moved in together ironically.
DragonFox91, I have to disagree that there are plenty of single men/women. Maybe in a large city but I am a country boy and seriously can't handle city life. With that said I joined a dating site and found most "Christians" on it call say that because they believe there is a God. Nothing more, nothing less. I put on my picture and do a little "about me" right up and I get plenty of responses but never a single response who isn't looking for a one night stand or wants to chat about scripture.
David, I agree that church is a place that most people go to for the enjoyment of getting out and feeling good about themselves. Not all, but many.
So to blurt out my personal thoughts with this can of worms I'll say this, not to anyone in particular but just spewing my thoughts openly for my own satisfaction of getting it off my chest. I don't understand why God created people to need companionship. Not friendship, that's totally different. The Bible does speak a lot about marriage. Its not a sin, nor is it required. Its an need for some but not all. I find it incredibly irritating when Christians who are able to accept being alone basically say accept it. Its like a toddler who wants a cookie before supper and a parent putting a plate of veggies out for them and saying eat it.. rather then understanding the toddler doesn't understand why. Since Adam and Eve humanity was created to have someone. I accept God has a reason for everything, but the human side of me can't understand why create a need for something that so many.. so incredibly many people suffer from not having? I've developed depression over the past couple years. Its not something I want or enjoy. I've tried everything, it doesn't go away. Its like trying to make a grey sky turn sunny, its impossible. The only time I have felt alive is when I felt a connection with a woman. Its not about desire or anything physical even though I enjoy that.. its about feeling loved and needed as an individual person for who I am. Someone I click with unlike anyone else. Click is not the right word but unconditional love or soul mate sounds like a fairytale at this point.
I welcome any thoughts on this but honestly I am not looking for hugs or sympathy, telling me it gets better after I searched for true love for over 30 years now since I hit puberty is kind of like "I see said the blind man.. you lie said the deaf man".
Speaking outloud to God with most of this.
With all that said I hope no one thinks the above blurt has anything to do with anyone on this forum. It doesn't, fact is I've been really enjoying my time on here. Depression is something unpredictable that comes and goes without warning. I prefer thinking of it as not who I am but something I am dealing with at the moment.