Trying to restore Trust

[Motherof3]

Hi gwenevere. I just wanted to add my that you find the strength to get through this very difficult time in your life. I understand completely what you are going through right now as my husband's infidelity was just 2 short years ago. We also dealt with a one night stand 12 years ago so it was a big slap in the face that this would happen again, only it was an emotional affair this time that lasted 7 months.

I agree with everything Devasha has told you thus far. A very wise poster from the words that I just read. My mantra for getting me through the betrayal, the hurt, all of it to this day has been, "Nothing is impossible with God". I know that God is bigger than any problem I might face in this world, including adultery. The pain from adultery has been linked to the pain of a death. I'm not sure if I agree with that, but it comes pretty darn close in my opinion. I've experienced both & I remember there were times when I thought I was literally going to die from the pain I was experiencing, but holding God's hand was the one thing that got me through to the other side & trusting in God to make all things good, was the one thing that gave me hope that my marriage would be restored & trust would be rebuilt once again.

I also can understand about the drugs as well. My husband was a big user of marijuana all of his life & the only thing that worked in our case was prayer. When a wife prays for her husband, it can result in such positive things happening. It took a long time, but he is finally clean & sober & his heart has turned back to God once again.

Recovery seems like such a long road sometimes, but when looking back, I see how far we've come in these 2 years since D-day & I'm so thankful I trusted in God to get us through. He can never let us down.

Hugs to you,

 

[tizherself]

It been a while since you've posted Gwenevere, how are you holding up? I'm praying that God is continuing to lift your head and hold your hand.

 

[RestingInTheLord]

Hi! I'm new to the board, but wanted to share that I too have severe trust issues in my marriage.

My husband didn't have an affair with actual people, but he did have a LOT affairs of the mind. He is a porn addict (24 years now). He brought it into the marriage and everytime I get to where I start trusting him again, boom, he has a slip up with the porn and then lies about it and hides it. He gets caught a lot!

A good friend of mine before she passed away said "God will show you what he's up to. He can do things, but God will open your eyes to it". Boy was she right. Kept "catching" him when I wasn't trying to.

Anyway, I don't know when the trust gets restored or if it ever fully does, but I do know that we need to surrender our pain, our lack of trust, our husbands, to God Almighty Himself. That's the only way that we can let go and have Him heal our pain.

God bless everyone!
Lisa

 

[Devasha]

Hi Lisa, and welcome to this little corner of the forum.

I really appreciated what you said about surrendering everything so our healing can begin. Letting go is so difficult, but once we do, He blesses us in ways we never before imagined.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Hi! I'm new to the board, but wanted to share that I too have severe trust issues in my marriage.

My husband didn't have an affair with actual people, but he did have a LOT affairs of the mind. He is a porn addict (24 years now). He brought it into the marriage and everytime I get to where I start trusting him again, boom, he has a slip up with the porn and then lies about it and hides it. He gets caught a lot!

A good friend of mine before she passed away said "God will show you what he's up to. He can do things, but God will open your eyes to it". Boy was she right. Kept "catching" him when I wasn't trying to.

Anyway, I don't know when the trust gets restored or if it ever fully does, but I do know that we need to surrender our pain, our lack of trust, our husbands, to God Almighty Himself. That's the only way that we can let go and have Him heal our pain.

God bless everyone!
Lisa

There is a thread specifically for wives struggling with their husbands porn. Read through it , I think you will find some helpful suggestions. Have you gone to setting captives free? They have free biblically based online courses for men struggling with porn addiction, and for wives of men using porn. The best thing to do is to draw near to the Lord and let Him comfort you.

 

[tizherself]

Hi! I'm new to the board, but wanted to share that I too have severe trust issues in my marriage.

My husband didn't have an affair with actual people, but he did have a LOT affairs of the mind. He is a porn addict (24 years now). He brought it into the marriage and everytime I get to where I start trusting him again, boom, he has a slip up with the porn and then lies about it and hides it. He gets caught a lot!

A good friend of mine before she passed away said "God will show you what he's up to. He can do things, but God will open your eyes to it". Boy was she right. Kept "catching" him when I wasn't trying to.

Anyway, I don't know when the trust gets restored or if it ever fully does, but I do know that we need to surrender our pain, our lack of trust, our husbands, to God Almighty Himself. That's the only way that we can let go and have Him heal our pain.

God bless everyone!
Lisa

Wow - can I say Amen!! to your point of God showing you what you need to see!! One day I was going thru our cell phones bill to see if my kids had heeded our warning about using text messaging. I got an urge out of the blue to check out my husbands number - boom - one number jumped off the page at me - it repeated over and over again. Now he uses his cell for his sales calls all the time - strange numbers are nothing new - but my attention got drawn to the fact that if the number didn't seem to pick up, he called it over and over and over - something he did when calling me all the time. Sure enough, "Mimi" answered the phone and became very flustered when asked how she knew my husband. Though he later tried to act indignant and say I had called a client and "how was he going to salvage this?" - I knew, knew, knew he was lying. My conviction was so strong - I know it was God saying "Open your eyes - look here!!" that drew me to that number!! Later when my husband tried to tell me he was no longer in contact with another woman he was "just friends" with - again - God drew me right to her number (under a guys name!!) and he was busted! Talk about evidence that the Lord takes active, decisive participation in His children's life! I also hold faith now that if my husband betray's me again- the Lord will be faithful to open my eyes to it! Amen!!! Sorry to be so long winded, but God is so good!!