Hi Christopher,
I understand how you feel. I lost the woman I loved (and was head over heels for) just over 2 years ago due to metastatic breast cancer. No one knew until 2 days before she passed, she didn’t tell anyone not even her Mom. She was 52-53.
The grieving process came to an end a couple of months ago, I had been struggling for this two years to just put one foot in front of the other. Each day I had no strength to move, get excited or feel motivated.
Once the grieving had passed and another platonic friend came into my life, my old spark for life came back. This has been the last 2 weeks.
Today though I came across old photos of our friendship and relationship together, places we went, food she made to bless me and more. I ended up in tears because I realized what we had was real and true, others saw the spark between us.
I miss her, I know she’s not here anymore but is in heaven.
All this is to say I understand what you’re going through and if you need a listening ear from a brother who has walked that journey, I’m here.