The Holy Spirit rejects me...now what?

[DarkSoul999]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

 

[brinny]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

I don't know if words will help, as sometimes words do not suffice, so i will pray for your broken heart, lifting you up and all your brokenness and numbness to the One Who can intervene and minister when we cannot. I am thankful that you posted. God hears you, knows you, and loves you. ((hug)))

 

[salt-n-light]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

Lol, welcome to christianhood.

If you are seeking Him in the Word and prayer, then you are starting to find Him. Holy Spirit is there the moment you accept Him as Lord and Savior.

I've been ( and still have) the periods of despair, when I feel like God had left me in the dark on life. But His Word has always proven my dark thoughts wrong.

First advice: Cut yourself slack. Allow yourself to grow in Him and get to know Him more.Keep questioning and keep communicating in prayer. He does reveal himself, sometimes you have to just pause yourself.
Second advice: Get use to the periods of isolation, and enjoy being in the company of God
Third advice: Periods of isolation brings you closer to God, but fellowship helps you stay there.Don't self-isolate yourself too long. Fellowship with others, ask them about their day, ask them to pray for you, challenge yourself and be a friend to someone else.

God isn't here to condemn us. He loves us, His children. And will put things in fruition in its right timing. But reject you? Nah.

 

[AservantofGodandthelordJC]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

It is not a matter of God being distant from you, but the opposite. Look at the story of Job. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way in order to learn at all. Are you angry at anyone? Do you hold anyone in judgement? Those are the types of things that make God appear invisible because God has nothing to do with those things and cannot be found where they are present. You can either surrender to His way or continue with yours. If you have asked for God's help, that is what you're getting, simply because it seems negative to you does not mean it is.

 

[DarkSoul999]

It is not a matter of God being distant from you, but the opposite. Look at the story of Job. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way in order to learn at all. Are you angry at anyone? Do you hold anyone in judgement? Those are the types of things that make God appear invisible because God has nothing to do with those things and cannot be found where they are present. You can either surrender to His way or continue with yours. If you have asked for God's help, that is what you're getting, simply because it seems negative to you does not mean it is.

What did Job learn from his suffering? As soon as it was over he gained twice as much back.

I can't even imagine being as blessed as Job...but I fully understand why he cried out

and to answer your question. There might be some resentment buried somewhere in my psyche but for most of the day I'm just cold as ice. I expect nothing but more misery for everyone that I come in contact with and more humiliation for me. There is nothing that anyone can do to stop this and God has zero interest in making his presence known in any way. It never ends and I don't even expect it to end...but I have nothing left to do but cry out to God even if he never answers. The closest I ever come to Joy is the quiet icey void.

Tomorrow I will put on a big smiley face, do my duty, and pretend to be a sane person.

 

[brinny]

What did Job learn from his suffering? As soon as it was over he gained twice as much back.

I can't even imagine being as blessed as Job...but I fully understand why he cried out

and to answer your question. There might be some resentment buried somewhere in my psyche but for most of the day I'm just cold as ice. I expect nothing but more misery for everyone that I come in contact with and more humiliation for me. There is nothing that anyone can do to stop this and God has zero interest in making his presence known in any way. It never ends and I don't even expect it to end...but I have nothing left to do but cry out to God even if he never answers. The closest I ever come to Joy is the quiet icey void.

Tomorrow I will put on a big smiley face, do my duty, and pretend to be a sane person.

i understand, believe me i do. Praying for you (((hug)))

 

[Ronald]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

Depression, loneliness and hopelessness is a common place where God draws a person to Himself. Sometimes a person needs to be stripped of everything in life before God gets their attention. Sometimes it's with a loss of a loved one, a job, material wealth, failure or this emptiness and hopelessness that you have.
A person needs to be aware that their way, their throne, their life doesn't work before they can have that divine appointment. It's a realization that your need the LORD. By you turning to the LORD, which is what repentance means and also that you are sorry for your sins is where we all start.

<staff edit>

 

[Steve Petersen]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

Goosebumps do not equal the presence of God.

 

[DarkSoul999]

Goosebumps do not equal the presence of God.

No kidding....

 

[DarkSoul999]

Depression, loneliness and hopelessness is a common place where God draws a person to Himself. Sometimes a person needs to be stripped of everything in life before God gets their attention. Sometimes it's with a loss of a loved one, a job, material wealth, failure or this emptiness and hopelessness that you have.
A person needs to be aware that their way, their throne, their life doesn't work before they can have that divine appointment. It's a realization that your need the LORD. By you turning to the LORD, which is what repentance means and also that you are sorry for your sins is where we all start.
<staff edit>

God is refusing to provide understanding, guidance, and protection. About an hour ago I tried reading the book of Mark...I made it a minute and thirty seconds before my mind completely shut down and went semi-comatose. What does it mean? Do I have some sort of sin blocking the inter-spiritual communication or whatever you would call it?

I'm just completely burnt out!

It's like God is saying "I refuse to even talk to you in your current state"

 

[Steve Petersen]

I think you missed the point of my previous post: feelings have nothing to do with the presence of God. He is there whether it feels like it or not.

 

[DarkSoul999]

I think you missed the point of my previous post: feeling have nothing to do with the presence of God. He is there whether it feels like it or not.

So we're supposed to figure it all out?

 

[W2L]

We walk by faith not sight. (2 corinthians 5), this means we look at eternal things rather than temporary things such as suffering for example

and we glory in tribulation as well. Romans 5, tribulation is the path into the kingdom

In my opinion.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

[DarkSoul999]

We walk by faith not sight. (2 corinthians 5), this means we look at eternal things rather than temporary things such as suffering for example

and we glory in tribulation as well. Romans 5, tribulation is the path into the kingdom

In my opinion.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

That I get. Life is so awful that there really is no other choice but to live like only eternity matters.

But there is still absolutely no indication that God is present with us and he outright demands that we believe it or else! We don't even have the option to wait on him. We have to have absolute faith or he completely withdraws from us and we become nothing but dumb animals floating through life

 

[W2L]

That I get. Life is so awful that there really is no other choice but to live like only eternity matters.

But there is still absolutely no indication that God is present with us and he outright demands that we believe it or else! We don't even have the option to wait on him. We have to have absolute faith or he completely withdraws from us and we become nothing but dumb animals floating through life

I would encourage you to meditate on the letters from the apostle paul, along with the beatitudes. Ive seen a lot of suffering too, but i found hope and purpose in the teaching from Paul. IT's my opinion that no matter why we suffer it can work good. All things work good if we decide to love God. (Romans 8)

 

[DreamerOfTheHeart]

I wish that there was some indication that the holy spirit was present in my life but I can't find any. It is getting to the point where I can't read the bible for more than 5 minutes without having an anxiety attack because as I'm reading it I get more questions than answers. It's the same thing every day and I'm making no progress whatsoever. The rejection is also very evident in my life. I am mediocre at everything, single, no friends, and generally totally useless. When I try to help people it ends up making things worse so I feel zero joy in doing that now. I avoid people entirely because my life is jinxed. If God wants to make his presence known to YOU then he is doing the exact opposite with me. He wants to be as hidden as possible and as distant as possible.

Please don't suggest that I find a devout christian to meet with regularly and go over this. Absolutely everyone I have ever met is a worse christian than I am or an outright atheist. I am totally alone in figuring this out and the Holy Spirit has zero interest in widening my mind.

Is this supposed to be emotional? Affecting the heart? My heart is completely broken and dead. I feel nothing. Breathing but not alive.

Everywhere I look there is nothing but ruin. If you make sacrifices to help people it ends up being for nothing because their lives get destroyed anyway. Prayers are NEVER answered. We go from despair to despair every day. It is utterly impossible for me to believe that God is near to us. He seems incredibly distant and aloof.

The sum of the faith can be reduce to believing the message of Jesus, as related in the gospels. Being able to keep the message is impossible unless the Father brings you to the Son. You might have read it and rejoiced, but then the worries and desires of the world make you forget. Or Satan does.

The Spirit keeps it in your heart.

Is this unknown to you, what I am saying?

It sounds like you may have realized the message of Christ, rejoiced when you heard it, but then fell away because the Father did not bring you to the Son. Yet.

Let me know, as this can be changed for your benefit.

The body is the temple/church, btw. I never send anyone to a church, though I am not opposed to them.

 

[DarkSoul999]

The sum of the faith can be reduce to believing the message of Jesus, as related in the gospels. Being able to keep the message is impossible unless the Father brings you to the Son. You might have read it and rejoiced, but then the worries and desires of the world make you forget. Or Satan does.

The Spirit keeps it in your heart.

Is this unknown to you, what I am saying?

It sounds like you may have realized the message of Christ, rejoiced when you heard it, but then fell away because the Father did not bring you to the Son. Yet.

Let me know, as this can be changed for your benefit.

The body is the temple/church, btw. I never send anyone to a church, though I am not opposed to them.

If he doesn't want to bring me to the son then doesn't that mean I'm basically rejected? Wouldn't be overly surprising. I'm used to being a piece of crap.

 

[DreamerOfTheHeart]

If he doesn't want to bring me to the son then doesn't that mean I'm basically rejected? Wouldn't be overly surprising. I'm used to being a piece of crap.

Why is your nick "darksoul"? <staff edit>

Maybe tell me more about your self. What do you do for a living? Male or female? Age? Some accomplishments?

TRUST means you trust God. Or are willing to trust God.

Do you have severe trust issues?

Like with people?

Do you talk and tell other people such things?

What do you have confidence in?

In your life. A person? A food you like? A car? Plane? That you can accomplish some task you do everyday?

 

[DarkSoul999]

Why is your nick "darksoul"?<staff edit>
Maybe tell me more about your self. What do you do for a living? Male or female? Age? Some accomplishments?

TRUST means you trust God. Or are willing to trust God.

Do you have severe trust issues?

Like with people?

Do you talk and tell other people such things?

What do you have confidence in?

In your life. A person? A food you like? A car? Plane? That you can accomplish some task you do everyday?

I have severe trust issues. Basically I don't trust anyone until I do a very careful analysis. In the end everyone seems to be limited in character or competence. If God wasn't described as a perfect being you can be sure that I wouldn't be caught dead reading scripture but alas he is the only entity worth considering at this point.

I work in healthcare which means I'm a constant ball of stress and obsessed with perfectionism. There is no chance of ever taking a vacation or experiencing anything other than crushing responsibility. I grew up in an environment of severe mental illness, anxiety, and neurotic attitudes. As a child I was harshly attacked whenever I made the slightest error. Mistakes were never a learning experience they were only ever a sign that I was a "stupid good for nothing loser". Even teachers would confirm this. Absolutely every one of them...if that many people held this view then surely it was the truth. I was also hated by other children because of my social deficits. I was so alienated from other humans that I couldn't even figure out how they think and feel. I was a different species. When I read the Bible I can't shake the belief that it applies to a species other than my own...

I have almost no friends and rarely see them because of how busy everyone is. I stopped dating entirely because women hate insecurity in men and I'm probably the most insecure man they have ever met in their lives. I put on a fake smile and fake happiness and act very chill but even the slightest embarrassment causes my facade to shatter like glass falling from a cliff.

As for the what I do in my free time...it is always an attempt to try to boost my self confidence. I don't do much of anything for pure enjoyment because I do not have the ability to experience happiness.

I am terrified of embarrassment and humiliation. Being human it is certain that I will face this problem the moment I walk out the door or speak with anyone.

My perception of God is that he is a keeping a very wide berth. I don't expect to be forgiven of anything or to be accepted by anyone. Growing up I was constantly described as a "loser", "moron", "low quality", and "good for nothing". This was by people who I respected. How can I certain that God isn't saying "this guy is too crazy to save"?

I don't know if I'll ever trust God. It will take a miracle but no miracles have ever happened in my life.

I can't imagine being accepted as I am. I have to change and achieve to maybe someday be accepted. I picture Jesus being so frustrated with me that he just walks away...

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

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