Struggling with same sex attraction--please, I just want someone to talk to

[EtainSkirata]

I've posted about this before but I just feel like I'm dying. I've struggled off and on with this since middle school--I'm 28 now. I'm in a dating relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and who I am very much attracted to.
But these thoughts of SSA make it so hard to make female friends. I get freaked out sometimes when I'm chatting with another woman because they come up. I don't want to act on them, and I've never had a girlfriend or slept with a girl and I don't think I've ever kissed a girl (except when I was like 6 and my friend and I were goofing off on the playground).
I want to tell my boyfriend about this, but I don't know how. I've been living with this dark cloud of "you need to tell him" for well over 6 months now.
I scheduled a meeting with my pastor to talk about this. My thought is that it is something to be brought up once my boyfriend is sure he wants to marry me. We're sort of on the road to marriage, in that we've talked about it and he says he's not ready as he needs to work on some things himself. But I feel like my hear weighs a 100lbs and I just want to go to bed and sleep so I don't have to deal with this.
Please, I just am hoping to talk to someone. God feels so far away, and I need encouragement. And I need advice for if, when, and how to tell my boyfriend about this. I love him so much, and this is killing me.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

Prior to your meeting with your Pastor, do the following:

wholeheartedly seek God through prayer and fasting. (Read Isaiah 58).

Admit your sins to God. ( Read Psalm 51).

Temptation is not sin. Read how Jesus was tempted in the wilderness and was without sin, in Matthew 4.

Do not beat yourself up with guilt. Accept forgiveness through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Read the Sermon on the Mount. (Mat. 5,6 and7).

We all have our struggles, but, if you seek to walk in the light, your burden will have a purpose.

 

[Unqualified]

Wait to tell him until he can handle it, until your relationship can handle it. But stay in Christ don’t add sex to the predicament if you want Gods help. Not that it’s terrible but you want him to understand.

 

[Stronghold]

I spoke with my pastor about the same issue. Trust me, i know, it's a disgusting thing to live with. After I spoke with my pastor, I told my wife of over 10 years of marriage that I know that I am not really "that way". I told her the truth. I have strange feelings sometimes, that I absolutely hate. Just like you, I've never done anything along those lines with anyone, ever. The devil still tries to convince me every chance he gets. But, I understand that these thoughts are not my thoughts. They are from Satan. Because, even though Jesus saved my soul; Satan wants to destroy me, my marriage, and my family. I keep reminding myself that God goes ahead of me, and He fights for me. My wife said, she would not have guessed that in a million years. I asked her if she will throw me away, because I'm not perfect. I'm broken. She said, no. But, if you ever cheat on me, I'll just divorce you. I said, then neither one of us has anything to worry about. Because I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I said, till death do us part. And, I mean it. Been three years since. We're still married. I admit, some things are a little different. But, it's mostly because of debt, lower income, and I lost my father two years ago. I've been depressed for a long time since my Dad passed away. He was the greatest Dad in the world to me. So, yes... I still battle thoughts. But, I know that Jesus, and my wife love me enough to give themselves for me. I am here for help, just like you are. One thing I've heard before has stuck with me. I don't mind entering heaven with the armor of God all dented up and broken. I am just very thankful, knowing that Jesus will be there to wipe away every tear I've ever weaped throughout the battle, that Jesus has already won for me.