- Feb 19, 2017
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I have a dissociative disorder that alters my personal beliefs greatly. It's gotten to a point where I get a sort of mental whiplash from how often and sudden my shifts in beliefs happen. I wish I were just being dramatic and making this up, but I have been going through this for almost ten years now with no end in sight...
Sometimes it almost throws me into a state of despair, making me wonder if I will ever get any better mentally. Maybe this is just my current episode talking, but I honestly wonder if God will ever heal me of this disorder, stemming from an entire childhood and adolescence of severe abuse. I've tried medication and therapy, but it doesn't seem to help.
But I think what bothers me the most is wondering if God will forgive me for my mental health episodes, where I will sometimes turn my back on Him or sometimes veer into another direction, religiously speaking. I want to say that it's not my fault, but what if God doesn't see it that way? I worry that I'm going to Hell because of this awful mental illness that won't go away. I just want God to know how much I love him and how sorry I am for every single mental health episode that I experience. I just wish I could be normal so I could follow Him in the best way possible, you know?
Sorry to sound so pessimistic. I'm just really struggling with this.
Sometimes it almost throws me into a state of despair, making me wonder if I will ever get any better mentally. Maybe this is just my current episode talking, but I honestly wonder if God will ever heal me of this disorder, stemming from an entire childhood and adolescence of severe abuse. I've tried medication and therapy, but it doesn't seem to help.
But I think what bothers me the most is wondering if God will forgive me for my mental health episodes, where I will sometimes turn my back on Him or sometimes veer into another direction, religiously speaking. I want to say that it's not my fault, but what if God doesn't see it that way? I worry that I'm going to Hell because of this awful mental illness that won't go away. I just want God to know how much I love him and how sorry I am for every single mental health episode that I experience. I just wish I could be normal so I could follow Him in the best way possible, you know?
Sorry to sound so pessimistic. I'm just really struggling with this.