- Feb 10, 2007
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Hi Everyone,
It's been a while since I posted an original thread here in the Ancient Faith area, Below are links to my original posts from 2007 and 2015.
Orthodox Wanderer I - Orthodox Wanderer
Orthodox Wander II - Orthodox Wanderer (Part II)
I don't want to be guilty of spiritual pride so I am going to keep this post shorter. After 20 years I am returning to the Orthodox Church. The return to the Church as been sudden and somewhat unexpected.
I never renounced Orthodoxy. That I made clear in my first post in 2007. I was never properly catechized so I didn't know what I didn't know. The idea of Heterodox Christianity was foreign to me. I knew that Orthodoxy was the oldest branch but I didn't really understand why that was important.
Through out these last 20 years I have maintained a thin link to Orthodoxy but without having a real "connection". I have relatives about 400 miles away. Every so often I would visit their church. I noticed the more immersed I got into Protestantism I slowly started to forget things I knew when I was younger. I forgot how to cross myself. I felt more awkward in the Orthodox Church. My resentments grew at my parents, mostly my Dad, for not passing the faith down.
God has been merciful to me the last 7 years. I have remained married. What was once a new marriage is now going on 15 years. Our adult kids are mostly doing well. My job remains somewhat stable in these uncertain times. Like all Protestants I read scripture frequently.
A number of strange coincidences all happened over a short period of time which I believe assisted me in my return to the Orthodox Church.
The strange COVID summer of 2020 - It disconnected me from my Protestant congregation. It was a difficult summer. As I watched our country being torn apart by division and riots I became angrier and angrier. I wrote a long letter to my Uncle, who I think is pretty wise, and we discussed the events that happened in Russia in 1917. I was wondering if the U.S. was having it's 1917 moment. During this Summer I started to read online about the Communist persecution of the Orthodox Church. I was always aware of it but not very educated in the scope of the persecution. As I struggled to maintain my spirituality disconnected from my church I pulled out a couple of my Orthodox Books. I started dabbling with the Jesus Prayer and also revisiting the Philokalia. It didn't occur to me that these ancient prayers would perhaps be even more effective if I were back in communion with the church. I thought I could keep my residual Orthodoxy in the corner kind of as a side thing to my Protestant Christianity. Sometimes I would hear people criticize Orthodoxy in my Church and I would always stick up for it - even though I was far from an expert.
Discovering a local Orthodox Parish online on YouTube - As I got older the memories of my childhood experiences in the Orthodox Church had faded. The Liturgy is so much better in person than online. I watched it online during the COVID summer. It still seemed holy but sometimes I would fast forward to the homily. I had become accustomed to think of the SERMON as the center of the worship. I had been driving by this church for years but was still a long ways from walking in the door.
An interest in prayer and meditation - My job became increasingly stressful through a recession and also a corporate merger. I started to dabble with meditation again. I tried to keep it to secular meditation though I did read some Buddhists texts. I thought to myself, "I am a Christian". I am not against anyone else but I don't want to become Buddhist again. I started going through the Philokalia with a highlighter looking for verses on contemplative prayer and also silent prayer. Still no thought of going back to the Orthodox Church.
My excuses were strong. My wife is a dyed in the wool Protestant. We can't go to separate churches. I didn't get all the traditions handed down. I wasn't properly catechized. It's been too long. I shouldn't rock the boat. I am the lead guitar player in a great Praise and Worship Band. Because I was playing guitar every week it would be hard to slip out of the old church quietly. I should wait till my pastor retires.
A conversation with my wife planted a seed. Since I have been with my wife we have mostly gone to Evangelical Churches. We also visited a Pentecostal Church and a Baptists Church. Sometimes I would get irritated and say "we have visited every church accept the Orthodox Church". We did go to a cousins Wedding. We had a good time but my wife didn't seem that impressed. I was, of course, nervous but also happy to be visiting an Orthodox Church. To me, going to an Orthodox Church was always a big deal - regardless of the reason. My wife and I talked about moving in 5 or 10 years. I casually said to her, "If we move I want to visit that local Orthodox Church once a month". I thought we would stay in our Protestant Church but I would scratch the itch I had to explore Orthodoxy and my heritage (mostly alone and without my wife).
Why do I have to wait until we move? This thought occurred to me a few weeks after that talk with my wife.
How do I explain Orthodoxy to my wife? She went with me once to my cousins wedding. But my Orthodox books were mostly alien and foreign to her. I started to pull up the church calendar of that local parish. I would plan a visit alone without telling my wife. I was tired of trying to explain it to her. I found a liturgy on a Thursday. It was a feast day. I told my boss I had some business to attend to and that I would be late to work. I laid out nice clothes the night before. My wife wondered why I was getting dressed so nice. I told her that some managers were coming into the office that day. I tossed and turned that night with restless sleep. I was fearing walking into that church. Would I venerate the icon properly. Should I just find a place in the back and plant myself there?
That morning I woke up, got dressed, and drove to the church. This will sound crazy but half way to the church I got a call from my 23 year old son's boss. There was a small emergency. My son ended up being ok but my plan to visit the church got derailed. Did God not want me to return to the Orthodox Church? Was it a message?
Later that night I emailed the priest.. I also made small donation to the building fund. I told him a small part of my story but tried to keep the email brief. I also told my wife that evening about my plans to visit the church and how it got sidetracked. She felt bad that I wasn't honest with her. She said she would visit the Orthodox Church with me. We looked at the overly busy calendar and picked a day two weeks away. Our calendar was so packed it was hard to find time. We cooked dinner at our old church. I had praise band practice and business travel. My excuses started to come back.
The day finally arrived. I had another night of restless sleep. My wife went to a women's event at our old church. She would probably be too tired when she got home to also attend a Vespers I thought. Maybe I should go alone. I got nervous as the day approached evening. I had a hard time finding what to wear. I wore a suit without a tie. When in doubt, dress more formal I thought. We made the drive to the church. We got out of the car and I said, "Well let's see how it goes".
The first Service. It went well. We stood in back. I did feel awkward but also the other people in the church we friendly. I was reverential. I wasn't there to cause a problem or a disturbance. I met the priest and the priest's wife after the service. The priest seemed pretty busy. He said, "Now you know where to find us". I thought the service went pretty well.
The big surprise was that my wife liked it. We walked out the door after chatting with some people in the entry way. I asked her, "What did you think of all that?". My wife said she loved it. I had tried for a long time to explain what little I knew about Orthodoxy to my wife but really she had to experience it for herself. She liked the idea of full sensory worship. Also the reverential demeanor of the church made a big impact on her.
I have to speed this up....
We have gone about 15 times. We started with Vespers. We did about 9 vespers, 5 liturgies, and also one Matins. We also have been attending some Orthodox Faith & Life classes on Wednesday nights. The books on my shelf have suddenly become interesting to my wife. She even went to a Vespers without me when I had to work late one day.
It's been complex. The exit from our old church has been handled somewhat clumsily. Now that I have my "foot in the door" of Orthodoxy I want to stay. I had a private meeting with the priest where I had a lot of questions and also 6 pages of notes. I have gone through feelings of joy but also some mourning for leaving the old church. I have watched a bunch of Youtube videos. Father Josiah Trenham in Southern CA has some bold and powerful videos that have helped me put together a case, besides my feelings and nostalgia, for why I should become Orthodox again. Also, I feel lucky that I was baptized even though I had a chaotic childhood. My wife wants to join the church as well. My wife surprised me by getting a Church Calendar from one of the deacons.
I shouldn't really be surprised that my wife likes it. She loves scripture. She loves God. When you add the sacred Traditions, the Icons, and the Beauty of the Liturgy it actually makes sense that she would like it. We got ourselves a Prayer Book. After decades of saying prayers "off the top of my head" I am ready to try to prayers of the Ancient Church Fathers.
Last week I wrote my Pastor a short, respectful note that I was attending Orthodox services. I am going to meet him for lunch in a week or two. For a while I just isolated. After 20 years on the Protestant side of the fence I need to strengthen what I know about Orthodoxy and get planted. One of my cousins in Southern California has been good support while we go through this great but also somewhat tough period of time.
So much for keeping this short. I told the Priest that I have been thinking about returning for 15 years. I am new in so many ways but I still remember some things. A wise Deacon at the Church told me to trust God and also said I am in the "dating phase" with the church.
That's all I have for now.
Prodigal 7
It's been a while since I posted an original thread here in the Ancient Faith area, Below are links to my original posts from 2007 and 2015.
Orthodox Wanderer I - Orthodox Wanderer
Orthodox Wander II - Orthodox Wanderer (Part II)
I don't want to be guilty of spiritual pride so I am going to keep this post shorter. After 20 years I am returning to the Orthodox Church. The return to the Church as been sudden and somewhat unexpected.
I never renounced Orthodoxy. That I made clear in my first post in 2007. I was never properly catechized so I didn't know what I didn't know. The idea of Heterodox Christianity was foreign to me. I knew that Orthodoxy was the oldest branch but I didn't really understand why that was important.
Through out these last 20 years I have maintained a thin link to Orthodoxy but without having a real "connection". I have relatives about 400 miles away. Every so often I would visit their church. I noticed the more immersed I got into Protestantism I slowly started to forget things I knew when I was younger. I forgot how to cross myself. I felt more awkward in the Orthodox Church. My resentments grew at my parents, mostly my Dad, for not passing the faith down.
God has been merciful to me the last 7 years. I have remained married. What was once a new marriage is now going on 15 years. Our adult kids are mostly doing well. My job remains somewhat stable in these uncertain times. Like all Protestants I read scripture frequently.
A number of strange coincidences all happened over a short period of time which I believe assisted me in my return to the Orthodox Church.
The strange COVID summer of 2020 - It disconnected me from my Protestant congregation. It was a difficult summer. As I watched our country being torn apart by division and riots I became angrier and angrier. I wrote a long letter to my Uncle, who I think is pretty wise, and we discussed the events that happened in Russia in 1917. I was wondering if the U.S. was having it's 1917 moment. During this Summer I started to read online about the Communist persecution of the Orthodox Church. I was always aware of it but not very educated in the scope of the persecution. As I struggled to maintain my spirituality disconnected from my church I pulled out a couple of my Orthodox Books. I started dabbling with the Jesus Prayer and also revisiting the Philokalia. It didn't occur to me that these ancient prayers would perhaps be even more effective if I were back in communion with the church. I thought I could keep my residual Orthodoxy in the corner kind of as a side thing to my Protestant Christianity. Sometimes I would hear people criticize Orthodoxy in my Church and I would always stick up for it - even though I was far from an expert.
Discovering a local Orthodox Parish online on YouTube - As I got older the memories of my childhood experiences in the Orthodox Church had faded. The Liturgy is so much better in person than online. I watched it online during the COVID summer. It still seemed holy but sometimes I would fast forward to the homily. I had become accustomed to think of the SERMON as the center of the worship. I had been driving by this church for years but was still a long ways from walking in the door.
An interest in prayer and meditation - My job became increasingly stressful through a recession and also a corporate merger. I started to dabble with meditation again. I tried to keep it to secular meditation though I did read some Buddhists texts. I thought to myself, "I am a Christian". I am not against anyone else but I don't want to become Buddhist again. I started going through the Philokalia with a highlighter looking for verses on contemplative prayer and also silent prayer. Still no thought of going back to the Orthodox Church.
My excuses were strong. My wife is a dyed in the wool Protestant. We can't go to separate churches. I didn't get all the traditions handed down. I wasn't properly catechized. It's been too long. I shouldn't rock the boat. I am the lead guitar player in a great Praise and Worship Band. Because I was playing guitar every week it would be hard to slip out of the old church quietly. I should wait till my pastor retires.
A conversation with my wife planted a seed. Since I have been with my wife we have mostly gone to Evangelical Churches. We also visited a Pentecostal Church and a Baptists Church. Sometimes I would get irritated and say "we have visited every church accept the Orthodox Church". We did go to a cousins Wedding. We had a good time but my wife didn't seem that impressed. I was, of course, nervous but also happy to be visiting an Orthodox Church. To me, going to an Orthodox Church was always a big deal - regardless of the reason. My wife and I talked about moving in 5 or 10 years. I casually said to her, "If we move I want to visit that local Orthodox Church once a month". I thought we would stay in our Protestant Church but I would scratch the itch I had to explore Orthodoxy and my heritage (mostly alone and without my wife).
Why do I have to wait until we move? This thought occurred to me a few weeks after that talk with my wife.
How do I explain Orthodoxy to my wife? She went with me once to my cousins wedding. But my Orthodox books were mostly alien and foreign to her. I started to pull up the church calendar of that local parish. I would plan a visit alone without telling my wife. I was tired of trying to explain it to her. I found a liturgy on a Thursday. It was a feast day. I told my boss I had some business to attend to and that I would be late to work. I laid out nice clothes the night before. My wife wondered why I was getting dressed so nice. I told her that some managers were coming into the office that day. I tossed and turned that night with restless sleep. I was fearing walking into that church. Would I venerate the icon properly. Should I just find a place in the back and plant myself there?
That morning I woke up, got dressed, and drove to the church. This will sound crazy but half way to the church I got a call from my 23 year old son's boss. There was a small emergency. My son ended up being ok but my plan to visit the church got derailed. Did God not want me to return to the Orthodox Church? Was it a message?
Later that night I emailed the priest.. I also made small donation to the building fund. I told him a small part of my story but tried to keep the email brief. I also told my wife that evening about my plans to visit the church and how it got sidetracked. She felt bad that I wasn't honest with her. She said she would visit the Orthodox Church with me. We looked at the overly busy calendar and picked a day two weeks away. Our calendar was so packed it was hard to find time. We cooked dinner at our old church. I had praise band practice and business travel. My excuses started to come back.
The day finally arrived. I had another night of restless sleep. My wife went to a women's event at our old church. She would probably be too tired when she got home to also attend a Vespers I thought. Maybe I should go alone. I got nervous as the day approached evening. I had a hard time finding what to wear. I wore a suit without a tie. When in doubt, dress more formal I thought. We made the drive to the church. We got out of the car and I said, "Well let's see how it goes".
The first Service. It went well. We stood in back. I did feel awkward but also the other people in the church we friendly. I was reverential. I wasn't there to cause a problem or a disturbance. I met the priest and the priest's wife after the service. The priest seemed pretty busy. He said, "Now you know where to find us". I thought the service went pretty well.
The big surprise was that my wife liked it. We walked out the door after chatting with some people in the entry way. I asked her, "What did you think of all that?". My wife said she loved it. I had tried for a long time to explain what little I knew about Orthodoxy to my wife but really she had to experience it for herself. She liked the idea of full sensory worship. Also the reverential demeanor of the church made a big impact on her.
I have to speed this up....
We have gone about 15 times. We started with Vespers. We did about 9 vespers, 5 liturgies, and also one Matins. We also have been attending some Orthodox Faith & Life classes on Wednesday nights. The books on my shelf have suddenly become interesting to my wife. She even went to a Vespers without me when I had to work late one day.
It's been complex. The exit from our old church has been handled somewhat clumsily. Now that I have my "foot in the door" of Orthodoxy I want to stay. I had a private meeting with the priest where I had a lot of questions and also 6 pages of notes. I have gone through feelings of joy but also some mourning for leaving the old church. I have watched a bunch of Youtube videos. Father Josiah Trenham in Southern CA has some bold and powerful videos that have helped me put together a case, besides my feelings and nostalgia, for why I should become Orthodox again. Also, I feel lucky that I was baptized even though I had a chaotic childhood. My wife wants to join the church as well. My wife surprised me by getting a Church Calendar from one of the deacons.
I shouldn't really be surprised that my wife likes it. She loves scripture. She loves God. When you add the sacred Traditions, the Icons, and the Beauty of the Liturgy it actually makes sense that she would like it. We got ourselves a Prayer Book. After decades of saying prayers "off the top of my head" I am ready to try to prayers of the Ancient Church Fathers.
Last week I wrote my Pastor a short, respectful note that I was attending Orthodox services. I am going to meet him for lunch in a week or two. For a while I just isolated. After 20 years on the Protestant side of the fence I need to strengthen what I know about Orthodoxy and get planted. One of my cousins in Southern California has been good support while we go through this great but also somewhat tough period of time.
So much for keeping this short. I told the Priest that I have been thinking about returning for 15 years. I am new in so many ways but I still remember some things. A wise Deacon at the Church told me to trust God and also said I am in the "dating phase" with the church.
That's all I have for now.
Prodigal 7
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