Greetings, I come looking for relationship advice. But first, some context.
I’ve only had two relationships in my life, and both were with intent for marriage. One of them was with someone serious, smart, and somewhat harsh. One of them was very abusive. My dad has also been in and out of my life since I was young. I believe it’s important to disclose these contexts because I still know God can help prepare me to stand by someone confidently, regardless of the trauma of my past. I’ve wanted a family ever since I can remember, I know it’s my path.
All of this is to say - I’ve guarded my heart for two years now - I haven’t even considered dating and I've been doing intense work in therapy. Now, I’ve met someone who seems trustworthy, who’s kind, and wants all the same things I do. However, this is a different friendship/relationship than I’m used to. I think it's important to be with someone who knows when to call you out and lead you. However, he really isn’t like this. He’s sensitive and lets me call all the shots, and I’m not sure if I want that. In all fairness, he’s a little bit younger than me, but I never thought age mattered that much. However, sometimes, I just don’t feel right in the dynamic. I don’t feel as comforted or as safe as I should be with someone I’m considering a future with.
He's very kind, so I wonder if this dynamic is something I can grow into. Especially as someone with my background of abuse. I genuinely need the advice of people who have been in healthy relationships, I don’t have many examples to look up to. I grew up being told that someday my husband would be the spiritual leader of my household and a stronghold in my life, I'm not ready to give up on that. However, in my abusive relationship, I made countless changes for my boyfriend. I don't want to ask this amazing person to change for me.
My questions: is love a thing that can be grown into? Is love a thing that can be partially forced? Am I wrong for wanting what I want?
Thank you for getting through all of this. Anything helps -
Ana
I’ve only had two relationships in my life, and both were with intent for marriage. One of them was with someone serious, smart, and somewhat harsh. One of them was very abusive. My dad has also been in and out of my life since I was young. I believe it’s important to disclose these contexts because I still know God can help prepare me to stand by someone confidently, regardless of the trauma of my past. I’ve wanted a family ever since I can remember, I know it’s my path.
All of this is to say - I’ve guarded my heart for two years now - I haven’t even considered dating and I've been doing intense work in therapy. Now, I’ve met someone who seems trustworthy, who’s kind, and wants all the same things I do. However, this is a different friendship/relationship than I’m used to. I think it's important to be with someone who knows when to call you out and lead you. However, he really isn’t like this. He’s sensitive and lets me call all the shots, and I’m not sure if I want that. In all fairness, he’s a little bit younger than me, but I never thought age mattered that much. However, sometimes, I just don’t feel right in the dynamic. I don’t feel as comforted or as safe as I should be with someone I’m considering a future with.
He's very kind, so I wonder if this dynamic is something I can grow into. Especially as someone with my background of abuse. I genuinely need the advice of people who have been in healthy relationships, I don’t have many examples to look up to. I grew up being told that someday my husband would be the spiritual leader of my household and a stronghold in my life, I'm not ready to give up on that. However, in my abusive relationship, I made countless changes for my boyfriend. I don't want to ask this amazing person to change for me.
My questions: is love a thing that can be grown into? Is love a thing that can be partially forced? Am I wrong for wanting what I want?
Thank you for getting through all of this. Anything helps -
Ana