- Nov 25, 2018
- 153
- 129
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Episcopalian
- Marital Status
- Single
A series of traumatic events has brought me to the brink and i need help.
I suspect i may be suffering from PTSD.
In spring 2019 i went on a medication for bipolar disorder. I had a freak reaction and went into the most intense and severe manic episode ive ever experienced. I had a complete mental breakdown, did a ton of drinking and drugs, and landed in a psych ward. 3 weeks later i plunged into the deepest, darkest, most prolonged depressive episode i'd ever experience. My coping skills failed utterly and i fell into a pit of despair and hopelessness like that i'd never known.
After recovering, my anxiety surged. Panic was frequent. I withdrew from support. I (figuratively) tossed my bible in the trash. I stopped praying. Stopped seeing my friends. Stopped engaging in life.
I was recovering slowly, then found my 24 y/o sister dead in her bed with a bottle of vodka and a bag of cocaine on her bedside.
After that, i completely gave up. I was gone. Anxious. Isolated. Suicidal. Riddled with grief and longing for my sister. Anxiety and panic constant.
Now im trying to fight my way back to God. To my hopes and dreams. To my life. And i dont know how. I dont know. Im going to see a therapist soon.
Suicide isn't an option. My mom cant lose 2 kids. I cant do that to her. I have to fight. And i need God.
Anyway, thanks for reading and responding. At this point anything helps.
I suspect i may be suffering from PTSD.
In spring 2019 i went on a medication for bipolar disorder. I had a freak reaction and went into the most intense and severe manic episode ive ever experienced. I had a complete mental breakdown, did a ton of drinking and drugs, and landed in a psych ward. 3 weeks later i plunged into the deepest, darkest, most prolonged depressive episode i'd ever experience. My coping skills failed utterly and i fell into a pit of despair and hopelessness like that i'd never known.
After recovering, my anxiety surged. Panic was frequent. I withdrew from support. I (figuratively) tossed my bible in the trash. I stopped praying. Stopped seeing my friends. Stopped engaging in life.
I was recovering slowly, then found my 24 y/o sister dead in her bed with a bottle of vodka and a bag of cocaine on her bedside.
After that, i completely gave up. I was gone. Anxious. Isolated. Suicidal. Riddled with grief and longing for my sister. Anxiety and panic constant.
Now im trying to fight my way back to God. To my hopes and dreams. To my life. And i dont know how. I dont know. Im going to see a therapist soon.
Suicide isn't an option. My mom cant lose 2 kids. I cant do that to her. I have to fight. And i need God.
Anyway, thanks for reading and responding. At this point anything helps.
