Hello, to all!
So I have been battling hell by the acre… I find it extremely difficult to gain control of my own thoughts. I have overcome alcohol and drug addiction with God’s help but He seems to have gone silent on me. I’m scared God is mad at me and won’t have fellowship with me till I get a certain sin out of my life. For some bazaar reason I can’t kick self-Harm… The preacher at the church I attended Sunday made me give him my knives. I did that and I’m suppose to be trying to make the week without self-Harming. Well I went to town today, I walked in the gas station and ran into some friends I use to hang with. What was the odds they would be wearing knives and showing them off? I walked out and sat in my car…. But eventually gave in and drove to the store and bought me 2 new case knives. I FAILED!!! AGAIN!!! That’s pretty much how it’s been for me. I try to stop and always find an excuse to continue… I’m weak!!! I feel embarrassed to say I am self-harming at my age. I feel like it’s generally for younger kids. I’ll be 20 in April… oh how I would love to have this behind me by then!!! Anyway, I am just so worried God is angry at me…
forgive me for blabbering so much. I’m just a bit down! I’m so tired of fighting.. When I was getting off of alcohol and dope I just locked myself in my bedroom and went through hell on earth. This is different I can’t lock myself up and solve it. I am my own enemy. I’ll use anything handy when I feel I have to …razor knife blades, scissors, lighters and etc… whatever will do the job..
Do you think God is angry at me?
I pray and pray for him to help me change but nothing seems to be happening..
I also have a very nice young fella that I like and he likes me. I have told him what I am dealing with and he is very understanding ( he is going to seminary school to be a pastor). I have withdrawn myself from engaging in any kind of relationship with him till I get my act together. He said I am The girl God has picked for him and He will wait no matter how long it takes. It’s bothering me that he is waiting and I am by no means close to where I need to be. I feel like I’ll never be wife material… And To be honest I’m scared of having a relationship with anybody, I don’t want anymore problems!!! After seeing my mom and dad’s relationship it’s scary.
Anyway, that’s a little bit off my mind ….
Thanks-Little Sister
So I have been battling hell by the acre… I find it extremely difficult to gain control of my own thoughts. I have overcome alcohol and drug addiction with God’s help but He seems to have gone silent on me. I’m scared God is mad at me and won’t have fellowship with me till I get a certain sin out of my life. For some bazaar reason I can’t kick self-Harm… The preacher at the church I attended Sunday made me give him my knives. I did that and I’m suppose to be trying to make the week without self-Harming. Well I went to town today, I walked in the gas station and ran into some friends I use to hang with. What was the odds they would be wearing knives and showing them off? I walked out and sat in my car…. But eventually gave in and drove to the store and bought me 2 new case knives. I FAILED!!! AGAIN!!! That’s pretty much how it’s been for me. I try to stop and always find an excuse to continue… I’m weak!!! I feel embarrassed to say I am self-harming at my age. I feel like it’s generally for younger kids. I’ll be 20 in April… oh how I would love to have this behind me by then!!! Anyway, I am just so worried God is angry at me…
forgive me for blabbering so much. I’m just a bit down! I’m so tired of fighting.. When I was getting off of alcohol and dope I just locked myself in my bedroom and went through hell on earth. This is different I can’t lock myself up and solve it. I am my own enemy. I’ll use anything handy when I feel I have to …razor knife blades, scissors, lighters and etc… whatever will do the job..
Do you think God is angry at me?
I pray and pray for him to help me change but nothing seems to be happening..
I also have a very nice young fella that I like and he likes me. I have told him what I am dealing with and he is very understanding ( he is going to seminary school to be a pastor). I have withdrawn myself from engaging in any kind of relationship with him till I get my act together. He said I am The girl God has picked for him and He will wait no matter how long it takes. It’s bothering me that he is waiting and I am by no means close to where I need to be. I feel like I’ll never be wife material… And To be honest I’m scared of having a relationship with anybody, I don’t want anymore problems!!! After seeing my mom and dad’s relationship it’s scary.
Anyway, that’s a little bit off my mind ….
Thanks-Little Sister
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