Future in-laws wishy washiness

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

My future in- laws as much as I love them do, do things in a way where I feel anxious.

The other night they had my dad over, since we have newly discovered that my aunt has stage four cancer where as we are truly heartbroken. My fiancee's parents invited us over for dinner which was very sweet of them and much appreciated. We eventually did end up talking about the wedding and how we should get the invitations out soon, so my dad can figure out who all is coming, so that he knows what to pay all of the vendors that we need to book soon, since many couples are now having to book for 2021 which is also when our wedding is. His parents acted like they understood and agreed to it. His mom even went as far as helping to plan out the wedding and budget the next day.

Now, she is back peddling on what we talked about with my dad and is saying that we should send the invitations out later than what my dad wants and even later than what my fiancee and I planned.

 

[mama2one]

oops, not allowed to post here

 

[Heartofsilver]

we were invited to a wedding in June last year
we received a "save the date" card the previous fall


so maybe you could send out "save the date" cards?
so people can plan to come even before invites sent

We have already done that, but what my dad is looking for is for RSVPs as soon as possible due to our circumstances.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Heartofsilver]

explain to in-laws then that they need to get out for planning purposes/rsvps

congratulations!

We already talked to them about it and they still aren't understanding or they just don't agree on the timing. While my fiancee and I were hoping to send them out a year in advance. Thank you so much! We are blessed by God.

 

[NerdGirl]

Hello everyone,

My future in- laws as much as I love them do, do things in a way where I feel anxious.

The other night they had my dad over, since we have newly discovered that my aunt has stage four cancer where as we are truly heartbroken. My fiancee's parents invited us over for dinner which was very sweet of them and much appreciated. We eventually did end up talking about the wedding and how we should get the invitations out soon, so my dad can figure out who all is coming, so that he knows what to pay all of the vendors that we need to book soon, since many couples are now having to book for 2021 which is also when our wedding is. His parents acted like they understood and agreed to it. His mom even went as far as helping to plan out the wedding and budget the next day.

Now, she is back peddling on what we talked about with my dad and is saying that we should send the invitations out later than what my dad wants and even later than what my fiancee and I planned.

What is her reason for wanting to wait on the invitations?

 

[Heartofsilver]

What is her reason for wanting to wait on the invitations?

They are wanting to wait since we actually are supposed to send out invitations 8 to 6 weeks before the wedding and we are a year out and so they are saying it's too soon to send them out even though my dad is really wanting to have RSVP's already happening so he knows the number of our actual guests so that he can start figuring out how much everything is going to cost when it comes to vendors. We also need to figure out how bigger groups can be for the photographer, some photographers don't do large groups. Also, I mean my fiance is already looking at caters and photographers right now which were discovering more and more as we are going through this process is that all we have to do for now is just book them and I guess so far they haven't even asked for numbers or anything just yet of guests and so far that we know of we have approximately 140 guests coming but, my dad wants to know how many are really coming and I mean we won't know for sure until the day of probably or shortly before that so, we will probably have to do it 3 months before it has a lot of people are out of towners and I know that we've already sent out save the dates via email to save paper and money so, also it's like we have to book our caterers and everybody else and I guess so for they ask for numbers and we found out that it looks likely won't have to pay the vendor until after the wedding or shortly before it so I guess we should try to talk to my dad about that but, the issue with that is that he doesn't listen and he wants results now for RSVP's.

 

[NerdGirl]

To be fair, asking people to RSVP a year in advance is pretty...extreme. Many, many things can change over that period of time, and many people who may say yes to coming could wind up cancelling, or people who say they can't come could have a chance in circumstances and want to come, etc. I would explain to your dad that it's just not very realistic to expect a head count so far away from the wedding date. Why not just go off the number of people you invite instead?

 

[Heartofsilver]

Yeah, that is all very true which we have tried to talk to him about sending them out later and we have also talked to him about just putting in the number of people we are inviting, but unfortunately he just doesn't listen. So, here's praying that the next time we talk to my dad he does listen. The points that you have brought up are pretty good and we should bring those up to him, too.

 

[NerdGirl]

Remember, at the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding. So many couples try to make their wedding such a big, expensive, inclusive affair, and it becomes what you've been describing in your threads; a big, big stressful mess.

Weddings should be full of joy, not stress. If it's becoming stressful, consider scaling it back, making it smaller, involving fewer people. Refocus on yourself and your husband-to-be, and what the two of YOU want. It's YOUR wedding. Sometimes, small and simple is better for everyone. Just something to think about.

 

[Heartofsilver]

Remember, at the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding. So many couples try to make their wedding such a big, expensive, inclusive affair, and it becomes what you've been describing in your threads; a big, big stressful mess.

Weddings should be full of joy, not stress. If it's becoming stressful, consider scaling it back, making it smaller, involving fewer people. Refocus on yourself and your husband-to-be, and what the two of YOU want. It's YOUR wedding. Sometimes, small and simple is better for everyone. Just something to think about.

We actually have already cut our budget down by the thousands due to a family emergency. Also, we have already sent out Save-the dates to all of our guests on my side anyway. I think we are still waiting on his.