Biblically speaking, when are two people considered married?

[HisLittleHazelnut]

betrothal means the same as engagement. betrothed is used in the king james version and engaged is used in the niv. theres no differnence

There is a difference. Betrothal was a permanent arrangement where the people were considered to be married and there was no way out save divorce.
Our modern day engagement leaves room to leave that person. When we were "engaged" I actually made a vow not to leave him from that point of time onward. He made the same vow to me, and we had witnesses. I believe that God heard this, and will take it as a divorce if we ever do leave each other. That is why I say mine is more of a betrothal. I not only said I will marry him, but I said that I will never leave him. We were planning on getting legally married soon after.
However he developed lupus, and he had to go home 3000 miles away from me, so a year and a half later we're still waiting on legalizing this. And I'll tell you, that if we did not firmly believe that this was a betrothal, and during a betrothal they were considered married, and it dissolvable only by a divorce, which in God's eyes is wrong except in the case of infidelity, then I wonder if we could have held on for so long. And there is no end in sight for us.

 

[FaithfulServant]

There is a difference. Betrothal was a permanent arrangement where the people were considered to be married and there was no way out save divorce.
Our modern day engagement leaves room to leave that person. When we were "engaged" I actually made a vow not to leave him from that point of time onward. He made the same vow to me, and we had witnesses. I believe that God heard this, and will take it as a divorce if we ever do leave each other. That is why I say mine is more of a betrothal. I not only said I will marry him, but I said that I will never leave him. We were planning on getting legally married soon after.
However he developed lupus, and he had to go home 3000 miles away from me, so a year and a half later we're still waiting on legalizing this. And I'll tell you, that if we did not firmly believe that this was a betrothal, and during a betrothal they were considered married, and it dissolvable only by a divorce, which in God's eyes is wrong except in the case of infidelity, then I wonder if we could have held on for so long. And there is no end in sight for us.

My fiance and I also vowed to never leave each other, to be married.... We also had witnesses....but we still call it an engagement. I believe that it is the same thing, engagement and bethroral. Some people just happen to keep their promises...other don't. It is just a term, but the two are the same.
Dictionary-
Betrothal: enter into a formal agreement to be married
Enegagement: a formal agreement to get married

Unless the Bible defines them differently....then it is all in the couples minds that it is different in some way.

 

[laura-ann]

Definition of marriage - Commitment to one another before God.

What is not marraige - sex.
Sex does not make a marriage
Marriage should involve sex

Just because two people are engaged does NOT give them the right to have sex. They first must make the commitment to each other before God. How this commitment is made is VERY debateable.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Personally,

I believe that it becomes marriage when you say your vows in front of witnesses, and sign the appropriate documents, ie. when legalised.

I do feel that it makes a 'joke' of marriage, if people are saying they are married, yet have not made it legal by the law of the land.

It really saddens me to see people say 'oh we're married - we just haven't made it legal' cos I really think it trivialises it.

Flame me all you want, but everytime I see a post or hear of it, it just gets me really upset. Marriage should involve ALL the bits (the spiritual, the witness, the legality) - and not just the bits that make it 'easy' for us (ie. less money, for example).

I don't understand the mentality of marrying without the legal side being involved - and I think it makes marriage a joke in the long run.

Sasch

 

[Amy47]

Personally,

I believe that it becomes marriage when you say your vows in front of witnesses, and sign the appropriate documents, ie. when legalised.

I do feel that it makes a 'joke' of marriage, if people are saying they are married, yet have not made it legal by the law of the land.

It really saddens me to see people say 'oh we're married - we just haven't made it legal' cos I really think it trivialises it.

Flame me all you want, but everytime I see a post or hear of it, it just gets me really upset. Marriage should involve ALL the bits (the spiritual, the witness, the legality) - and not just the bits that make it 'easy' for us (ie. less money, for example).

I don't understand the mentality of marrying without the legal side being involved - and I think it makes marriage a joke in the long run.

Sasch

I feel the exact same way. I think people like to make up excuses to have sex without being legally married. So if you live together and don't have a marriage license then all you are is common law, and that's WRONG.

 

[progressivegal]

I think I remember hearing that orthadox Jewish couples are considered married by doing one (or more) of three things.
I don't remember what the first one was, but I think it had to do with some type of document being read from or something (can anyone clarify?)
The second thing was cohabitation, and the third thing was the man giving the woman an item of value. I don't know how accurate this is, but I thought it was interesting.

Personally, I think that when two people vow to eachother to always be comitted to one another they are married. I tend to agree with the quaker belief that no whitnesses are needed, that it is between the couple and God. Different cultures have all different rules and regulations around marriage, and I think that those things can sometimes be beneficial definitely, but I think that there can definitely be marriage in the spiritual, emotional, and physical sense without having marriage in the legal sense.

 

[Maeyken]

I think it's important to be legally married, not only to make the commitment. Why *wouldn't* you want it to be legal? I don't understand people who say they are "married" but still want to "have a wedding" later on. Um... either you're married or you're not, and if you're already married you don't need a wedding.

I can understand having a reception at a later date, or even a vow renewal, but you can't be "married" and later have a "wedding". You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose whether you are married, or whether you are waiting for the wedding.

Like Sascha, it just makes me upset- like marriage is something you can just throw around and do whatever you want with. If marriage is so sacred, wouldn't you want to do it completely? And actually be *recognized* as being married?

 

[laura-ann]

totally. if you are married then you dont need a "wedding" later on, or else you are just saying that you have been unmarried up until that point.

Marriage is something sacred, and who are we to judge two people - if they have made a commitment to God infront of witnesses then surely he is happy and we should not be any less.

Some people live in governments who will not recognise christians getting married.

And - my favourite one, what would you do if you were stuck on a desert island for 7 years with a member of the opposite sex? Maybe your boyfriend/fiancee? And there was no one to witness your marriage what would you do?? live in sin for 7 years? Haha. sorry i know this is an extreme example!!

 

[Cordy]

It does not cost “high sums of money” to get married. In Canada, I believe it costs $100 to get your certificate. It would cost more than that to move in with each other. What costs a lot of money is if you are having a huge party. If you move in together first, because you can't pay for the "huge party" right now, you have missed the point of what the celebration is about in the first place. Have a “wedding celebration” within your means, and you are fine.

I think the whole sex before marriage “makes us married” is cop out of actually committing and getting married. I know many people who have said this, and never got married, because, when push came to shove, they weren’t “really” married, so they could just leave each other and go on with life. That is not marriage. It is not marriage socially, and it is not marriage legally. We are told to follow the laws of the land, so I think we should do so to get married.

 

[Briseis]

I havent read this whole thread since it is kind of long, but I kinda scannned it and it seems there hasnt been a concensus yet so...
The bible says to obey the laws of men as long as they dont conflict with the laws of God. SO I believe that we must be married legally before we are married before God. Otherwise I think it is sin.

 

[Maeyken]

totally. if you are married then you dont need a "wedding" later on, or else you are just saying that you have been unmarried up until that point.

Marriage is something sacred, and who are we to judge two people - if they have made a commitment to God infront of witnesses then surely he is happy and we should not be any less.

Some people live in governments who will not recognise christians getting married.

And - my favourite one, what would you do if you were stuck on a desert island for 7 years with a member of the opposite sex? Maybe your boyfriend/fiancee? And there was no one to witness your marriage what would you do?? live in sin for 7 years? Haha. sorry i know this is an extreme example!!

Good point to bring up other cultures and countries... I should have mentioned though, that I agree with Briseis that we are to obey the laws of the land unless they conflict with Christian beliefs.

In the case of a government not recognizing Christians getting married, I guess that you're unable to get married unless you renounce your Christianity, and God would not want that! So then I think it would be ok to have a marriage ceremony done by a pastor, even though the government may not recognize it. (where is that, by the way, I'm curious!)

And in the case of the "stuck on a desert island" well, you're your own government then, so I guess you'd make the laws. I would say you could claim you are married, but only if you've made a marriage commitment together, and believe it's God's will.

 

[MissCasey88]

I am new to this - But I have a question or a concern. What is considered being married according to the Bible? Because back then they did not have any ceramony where you walked down the aisle and had to have a piece of paper that considered you married. (Or at least I have not found anywhere.) I know that God talks about Husband and Wife.....But at what point are you considered Husband and Wife! My other half and I have lived together for 7 years almost 8. All of our friends consider us as married. They will say, "How's your husband?" Or when we get introduced to new people they will introduce us as such.

 

[Briseis]

I am new to this - But I have a question or a concern. What is considered being married according to the Bible? Because back then they did not have any ceramony where you walked down the aisle and had to have a piece of paper that considered you married. (Or at least I have not found anywhere.) I know that God talks about Husband and Wife.....But at what point are you considered Husband and Wife! My other half and I have lived together for 7 years almost 8. All of our friends consider us as married. They will say, "How's your husband?" Or when we get introduced to new people they will introduce us as such.

They had their traditional ceremonies, although I dont know what it was since I am not a historian or anything like that, but I do think that it was a big deal. Not as big as these days since the world has become materialistic. They had their ceremony and were married in front of man and God. They did not have government papers like we do today since they didnt have government. I suggest that if this concerns you, quietly sign the papers, and be married by your minister/pastor with witnesses. If everyone considers you married already there is no need for a big wedding (unless you want it).

 

[Xinnamon]

I am new to this - But I have a question or a concern. What is considered being married according to the Bible? Because back then they did not have any ceramony where you walked down the aisle and had to have a piece of paper that considered you married. (Or at least I have not found anywhere.) I know that God talks about Husband and Wife.....But at what point are you considered Husband and Wife! My other half and I have lived together for 7 years almost 8. All of our friends consider us as married. They will say, "How's your husband?" Or when we get introduced to new people they will introduce us as such.

What are your reasons for not getting officially married, if you have been together for almost 8 years, and other people consider you husband and wife? Not trying to put you down in anyway, but I'm just curious to know why.

 

[angela25]

Well, I hope that premarital sex isn't cause for damnation. My fiance and I have been living together for 8 months. Both of us are committed for life. We are having our wedding April 21st, because that is when we can financially, as well as when our families can attend, since we live out of state from our families. My opinion is this: I think God knows what is in your heart. Although no piece of paper yet claims us wed, he is my husband, and I his wife. We've made the committment to spend our lives together, and I believe God knows and understands that.

Angela

 

[clspruiell]

If you think about it, this is kinda stupid. First of all, most of what we believe about sex comes from what we've been taught from our youth ministers, pastors, parents, or True Love Wait's conferences.

The truth of the matter is that the Bible says nothing about having to have some ceremony to be spiritually married. What God joins together let no man part. Who initiates the marriage of a Christian couple? God. Not a preacher or judge.

This is one reason we left England, because the church was determining sins. Therefore, our "sin list" is probably quite inaccurate in the first place. So we have to ask, do we feel this way because we're accustomed to thinking something is wrong? Or is it true Biblical conviction? I'll leave that to you.

But, if Biblical marriage begins at the commitment/covenant part (assuming your engagement is valid and real) then wouldn't it be a sin to withold sex during engagement?

I think our problem is this: 1. We have a loose view on engagement, to me and my fiance, its as strong as marriage. No turning back except under the circumstance similar to divorce.
2. We feel strongly one way or the other due to upbringing and not pure Biblicality.
3. We as Christians have a hard time discussing sex even in marriage. It's still taboo and unspoken of for the most part.
4. Being married at the ceremony is about like being saved at Baptism. Its an outward expression to show the covenant, it's not the covenant itself.

 

[iambren]

Late post but I believe you are married when you say "I do" to accept the covenant of marriage. However, I also believe in annullment where deceit has occurred.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

My husband and I's wedding was on Nov. 13th of last year however (and no one really knows this but our parents and a couple other people) but we actually got legally married with our pastor and my in-laws as witnesses a couple months before this. It was so I could get on my husbands health insurance as I really needed help with health issues. However, I did not consider us married until our wedding day in a church in front of all our family and firends and we did not live like married people until then. Yes the legality matters but it is a piece of paper and I see the marriage as being something you share outwardly in a church before the people you love.

 

[iambren]

Sorry you missed out on so much fun.

 

[clspruiell]

Late post but I believe you are married when you say "I do" to accept the covenant of marriage. However, I also believe in annullment where deceit has occurred.

When do you say "I do"? It's kinda like Baptism. You are saved when you say I do to Christ, not when you announce it publicly at baptism. That's just a social confirmation and declaration of what has already occurred.

I know this is a taboo subject and I am Southern Baptist and hold a very conservative view of sex and all of this.

But, if you are Biblically engaged and it is God's will that you two be married together, then everything that needs to be done is done.

Basically, engagement is a time of marital strife. I am called to act like I'm married right? I don't pursue other relationships. Yet I don't have the fruits of marriage. She can't spend the night, no sexual relations etc. So its basically like marriage without the fruits.

Something is kinda wrong with that. Mayyyybbbeeee, God intended for it to be "ok" to begin the sexual relations at the time of engagement. IF IF IF you consider engagement a covenant.