This is the story behind why i created the group called Be(you)tiful Girls... this is a story of my life..
A Heart Held By Tape
Is is possible to live in today's world following in Christ’s footsteps,
When in life you feel defeated and want to give up?
By
Katie May Thompson
What Is our Meaning?
What is our Calling?
What is Our purpose?
What is Life?
What am I doing here?
Why Am I even here?
Why go on?
What do I do?
These are just a few of the many asked questions we all at some point ask ourselves… Sometimes we really have absolutely no idea why we are here, Especially when the going gets tough. I too have asked my self these same questions. But slowly this is how I found my answer….
A while ago I almost gave in, I lost all hope of my life getting better, I couldn’t see “the silver lining” I wasn’t improving. I soon thought I needed an escape and giving up my life seemed to be the perfect solution. It seemed my only escape card. I kept asking my self those same questions over and over hoping to find the answer, what simple reason did I possibly have to get up and keep going? Why go on when I’d get shattered by the past? Why try again when I would only fail and fall? I was badly hurt, not only emotionally but physically and mentally too. Everything around me felt as though it was fading away in a slow motion. My life was slipping through my fingers, I could no longer grasp it and hold on, I couldn’t do this anymore. I felt as though I had just been cut to deeply and it wouldn’t heal, that every dream I dreamed was now burning, my life was reaching the end of the rope.
My every hope and dream lay smashed in a million pieces right before my eyes.
I couldn't do this any more. I felt alone.
Everyone I knew said to keep going, trust God, It will get better. They said God had a calling for me and a purpose for my very existence.
A calling I believe is what God has called for you to do.
A purpose I believe is the very existence for in which God created you for, a reason to serve him.
Well what was mine? What did I have to live for? I mean I was losing everything.
I was in a mess I couldn't remove it gripped me in its thick chains refusing to let go of me.
I felt as though I was slipping down a huge drain, my ship was sinking. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I had this huge ugly black scar in my life and on my heart. My heart was broken in a million teeny tiny pieces.
Every time I got up I would fall down,
“Why even bother.” A voice would appear out of the darkness saying, “You’ll only fall down again. Its not worth it, You’ll never escape this.” I couldn’t do it. I was in a battle I couldn’t fight, I was losing.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that life was just to much… I felt it was time to pull out my ‘Escape card.’ I just wanted for it all to go… all the pain, the memories, the criticism everything, I just wanted it all gone forever.
I felt unclean, ugly unworthy and so much more then words can describe. My mind would constantly replay all those horrible memories from the past
I found myself denying all the pain just to make it through another day. Quite often I wanted to tell some one, I wanted to scream at some one- anyone who might listen, but I couldn’t see the reason as to why and what good was telling anyone. People say talking over your problems helps, but at times I felt it only made matters worse, they all say a ‘ A problem shared is a problem solved’ etc….
Some said that no matter how much I deserved it or not that God still loved me – that he dies to save me… but I couldn’t see it.
I was blinded by my pain and anger, my tongue hurled hurtful things at others, my heart felt left in the dark…. I was all alone…
Why would a God who is supposed to love me, take everything away from me?
My dad was a criminal, people had been trying to remove my siblings and I, people had been wrongly influencing me, slowly and slowly I was sinking into a hole, I couldn’t climb out.
I was drowning in my pain. I was stuck.
The puzzle wasn’t fitting no matter how hard I tried.
How could a God say he loved you let allow all the suffering?
How could I move on from all the pain and believe in someone who for a long time I believed caused it?
I just couldn’t do it.
I pulled out my ‘escape card.’
I put in the code and the in big red letters the screen said, DECLINED. I was in shock, the more I tried to use it the more it said declined.
I couldn’t work out why.
I couldn’t work out why God was trying to save me when I wanted to close the book.
Then one day when I was trying my escape card again, I heard a voice, a soft gentle voice and so I finally decided to STOP and listen, something I hadn’t done in a long time. When I finally stopped I heard God speak to me, and what he said changed my life.
I soon found that what God was saying to me was a verse from Isaiah 41:10,
“So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I just broke down in tears, then another verse came to me from him, Psalm 34:18-19
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit, the righteous may have many troubles but the lord delivers him from them all.”
that was when I re gave myself to the Lord,
See I soon found out that God doesn’t allow pain to hurt you, It is to help you grow, He doesn’t allow you to fail with out a reason. And that is to help you grow in knowledge and understanding.
He doesn’t allow your tears to overcome you but to clear your vision and wash away the dirt so you can see clearly.
I have come to know that my fails and mistakes can be used as stairs to help me reach the top.
We cant walk on water as Jesus did but we can walk through our tears.
He gives us the strength and the courage to go on.
Slowly and slowly I started to realise my sense of meaning… in God I have a firm foundation of knowing his love for me. God now can guide me through the thick and thin, I have come to know he is there for me forever more and I don’t have to be alone.
This journey for me was far from easy, and for many of you out there we all know it never is.
A lot of people dream for a beautiful ending…. When you face pain you get worried you wont have a beautiful ending….. There is beauty in pain, and beauty in ashes. For me I know that through God even if this chapter of my life is still a mess, it will be a beautiful mess, because I know that I am made in his image.
I realised who I really am through all me searching and my pain, and so my relationship with God only grew stronger. For it is now in him that I live and breathe.
I now longer need to live in fear, and sometimes you do need to relive your past in order to live your future, but in order to live your future you need to accept the past and let go and let God step in, he will be your bridge from your past to your future. You need to trust him.
I may not see God, BUT, I can see him through everything I do that brings him glory.
God needs me just as he needs all of you, we need to finish what he started.
He created one of his finest masterpieces when he created you… in his image, YOU are PERFECT! That is how special we all are.
You don’t have to be a straight A student to be special, heck you don’t have to have a spotless face. You are special and perfect just the way that you are.
True beauty is a light in the heart, and for a while my candle had died down, I needed God to relight it.
It took me a roller-coaster to work that out. I was such a train wreck.
See God never left me, I had moved to far away, he was there for me the whole time, even when I didn’t think I needed him, And he was still there when I finally made my way back to him.
I read some where that “Getting over a painful experience is like crossing monkey bars, you have to let go at some point in order to move on,” and who ever wrote that was so spot on.
Other people may have had it easier even if I didn’t , but I needed to learn to be like a flower, ‘ A flower doesn’t look at the next flower and think about competing, it just blooms,’ we all need to stop comparing our selves with the other person. We are all special and unique its how God made us. God is my sunshine and through him alone I bloom.
Holding out my hand wasn’t easy…. When life is throwing HUGE boulders at you, you really need to trust God, I did eventually because I found I couldn’t doge them alone, so I finally took hold of his hand and held on as he soared above them all.
Yes a part of me died, but I am still alive, I just needed to let go of my heart and let God tape it up and hold it.
My life really matters now, if God can take the time to create me then he will gladly take the time to save me, love me and hold me.
When you’ve reached the end of your rope hold on and God is on his way. He came to me with duct tape, taped up my shattered heart and held me close and then carried me the rest of the way.
What I have found in God you can to.
We are not alone in this.
When it comes to life people often believe you write your own story for your life, Well in some cases maybe its true. Look at this, when you write a story there is often lots of mistakes, and you fail at times... Often you have to rewrite the same page a million times before you ever get it right.
Imagine if that was how your life story was.
We get so wrapped up in trying to correct our mistakes that we make more and get frustrated. Then we scrunch up that paper and throw it in the bin and redo it. Often we make no progress.
That is why authors have editors, so that someone can help then correct those mistakes, turn them into something beautiful and keep going, And that is why my God is my editor.
See I have made a zillion mistakes and I had even lost my will to fix it because I kept screwing up that very same paper.
When I turned to God for help, just like every other editor he took the time to reshape my story. He turned my story into something far more beautiful then I had ever imagined. Yes to others my life may not be beautiful, but it is through God and yours is to.
For some of us…. One mile can be more to walk then thirty. Yet we cant do it alone.
My story is far from over, heck I have just begun.
But this time I am turning the pages with God by my side.
Thankyou for reading this I hope that it has blessed you, please remember you are loved and special and no problem is to big for God to fix.
Though fallen down low… God raised her up.
A Heart Held By Tape
Is is possible to live in today's world following in Christ’s footsteps,
When in life you feel defeated and want to give up?
By
Katie May Thompson
What Is our Meaning?
What is our Calling?
What is Our purpose?
What is Life?
What am I doing here?
Why Am I even here?
Why go on?
What do I do?
These are just a few of the many asked questions we all at some point ask ourselves… Sometimes we really have absolutely no idea why we are here, Especially when the going gets tough. I too have asked my self these same questions. But slowly this is how I found my answer….
A while ago I almost gave in, I lost all hope of my life getting better, I couldn’t see “the silver lining” I wasn’t improving. I soon thought I needed an escape and giving up my life seemed to be the perfect solution. It seemed my only escape card. I kept asking my self those same questions over and over hoping to find the answer, what simple reason did I possibly have to get up and keep going? Why go on when I’d get shattered by the past? Why try again when I would only fail and fall? I was badly hurt, not only emotionally but physically and mentally too. Everything around me felt as though it was fading away in a slow motion. My life was slipping through my fingers, I could no longer grasp it and hold on, I couldn’t do this anymore. I felt as though I had just been cut to deeply and it wouldn’t heal, that every dream I dreamed was now burning, my life was reaching the end of the rope.
My every hope and dream lay smashed in a million pieces right before my eyes.
I couldn't do this any more. I felt alone.
Everyone I knew said to keep going, trust God, It will get better. They said God had a calling for me and a purpose for my very existence.
A calling I believe is what God has called for you to do.
A purpose I believe is the very existence for in which God created you for, a reason to serve him.
Well what was mine? What did I have to live for? I mean I was losing everything.
I was in a mess I couldn't remove it gripped me in its thick chains refusing to let go of me.
I felt as though I was slipping down a huge drain, my ship was sinking. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I had this huge ugly black scar in my life and on my heart. My heart was broken in a million teeny tiny pieces.
Every time I got up I would fall down,
“Why even bother.” A voice would appear out of the darkness saying, “You’ll only fall down again. Its not worth it, You’ll never escape this.” I couldn’t do it. I was in a battle I couldn’t fight, I was losing.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that life was just to much… I felt it was time to pull out my ‘Escape card.’ I just wanted for it all to go… all the pain, the memories, the criticism everything, I just wanted it all gone forever.
I felt unclean, ugly unworthy and so much more then words can describe. My mind would constantly replay all those horrible memories from the past
I found myself denying all the pain just to make it through another day. Quite often I wanted to tell some one, I wanted to scream at some one- anyone who might listen, but I couldn’t see the reason as to why and what good was telling anyone. People say talking over your problems helps, but at times I felt it only made matters worse, they all say a ‘ A problem shared is a problem solved’ etc….
Some said that no matter how much I deserved it or not that God still loved me – that he dies to save me… but I couldn’t see it.
I was blinded by my pain and anger, my tongue hurled hurtful things at others, my heart felt left in the dark…. I was all alone…
Why would a God who is supposed to love me, take everything away from me?
My dad was a criminal, people had been trying to remove my siblings and I, people had been wrongly influencing me, slowly and slowly I was sinking into a hole, I couldn’t climb out.
I was drowning in my pain. I was stuck.
The puzzle wasn’t fitting no matter how hard I tried.
How could a God say he loved you let allow all the suffering?
How could I move on from all the pain and believe in someone who for a long time I believed caused it?
I just couldn’t do it.
I pulled out my ‘escape card.’
I put in the code and the in big red letters the screen said, DECLINED. I was in shock, the more I tried to use it the more it said declined.
I couldn’t work out why.
I couldn’t work out why God was trying to save me when I wanted to close the book.
Then one day when I was trying my escape card again, I heard a voice, a soft gentle voice and so I finally decided to STOP and listen, something I hadn’t done in a long time. When I finally stopped I heard God speak to me, and what he said changed my life.
I soon found that what God was saying to me was a verse from Isaiah 41:10,
“So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I just broke down in tears, then another verse came to me from him, Psalm 34:18-19
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit, the righteous may have many troubles but the lord delivers him from them all.”
that was when I re gave myself to the Lord,
See I soon found out that God doesn’t allow pain to hurt you, It is to help you grow, He doesn’t allow you to fail with out a reason. And that is to help you grow in knowledge and understanding.
He doesn’t allow your tears to overcome you but to clear your vision and wash away the dirt so you can see clearly.
I have come to know that my fails and mistakes can be used as stairs to help me reach the top.
We cant walk on water as Jesus did but we can walk through our tears.
He gives us the strength and the courage to go on.
Slowly and slowly I started to realise my sense of meaning… in God I have a firm foundation of knowing his love for me. God now can guide me through the thick and thin, I have come to know he is there for me forever more and I don’t have to be alone.
This journey for me was far from easy, and for many of you out there we all know it never is.
A lot of people dream for a beautiful ending…. When you face pain you get worried you wont have a beautiful ending….. There is beauty in pain, and beauty in ashes. For me I know that through God even if this chapter of my life is still a mess, it will be a beautiful mess, because I know that I am made in his image.
I realised who I really am through all me searching and my pain, and so my relationship with God only grew stronger. For it is now in him that I live and breathe.
I now longer need to live in fear, and sometimes you do need to relive your past in order to live your future, but in order to live your future you need to accept the past and let go and let God step in, he will be your bridge from your past to your future. You need to trust him.
I may not see God, BUT, I can see him through everything I do that brings him glory.
God needs me just as he needs all of you, we need to finish what he started.
He created one of his finest masterpieces when he created you… in his image, YOU are PERFECT! That is how special we all are.
You don’t have to be a straight A student to be special, heck you don’t have to have a spotless face. You are special and perfect just the way that you are.
True beauty is a light in the heart, and for a while my candle had died down, I needed God to relight it.
It took me a roller-coaster to work that out. I was such a train wreck.
See God never left me, I had moved to far away, he was there for me the whole time, even when I didn’t think I needed him, And he was still there when I finally made my way back to him.
I read some where that “Getting over a painful experience is like crossing monkey bars, you have to let go at some point in order to move on,” and who ever wrote that was so spot on.
Other people may have had it easier even if I didn’t , but I needed to learn to be like a flower, ‘ A flower doesn’t look at the next flower and think about competing, it just blooms,’ we all need to stop comparing our selves with the other person. We are all special and unique its how God made us. God is my sunshine and through him alone I bloom.
Holding out my hand wasn’t easy…. When life is throwing HUGE boulders at you, you really need to trust God, I did eventually because I found I couldn’t doge them alone, so I finally took hold of his hand and held on as he soared above them all.
Yes a part of me died, but I am still alive, I just needed to let go of my heart and let God tape it up and hold it.
My life really matters now, if God can take the time to create me then he will gladly take the time to save me, love me and hold me.
When you’ve reached the end of your rope hold on and God is on his way. He came to me with duct tape, taped up my shattered heart and held me close and then carried me the rest of the way.
What I have found in God you can to.
We are not alone in this.
When it comes to life people often believe you write your own story for your life, Well in some cases maybe its true. Look at this, when you write a story there is often lots of mistakes, and you fail at times... Often you have to rewrite the same page a million times before you ever get it right.
Imagine if that was how your life story was.
We get so wrapped up in trying to correct our mistakes that we make more and get frustrated. Then we scrunch up that paper and throw it in the bin and redo it. Often we make no progress.
That is why authors have editors, so that someone can help then correct those mistakes, turn them into something beautiful and keep going, And that is why my God is my editor.
See I have made a zillion mistakes and I had even lost my will to fix it because I kept screwing up that very same paper.
When I turned to God for help, just like every other editor he took the time to reshape my story. He turned my story into something far more beautiful then I had ever imagined. Yes to others my life may not be beautiful, but it is through God and yours is to.
For some of us…. One mile can be more to walk then thirty. Yet we cant do it alone.
My story is far from over, heck I have just begun.
But this time I am turning the pages with God by my side.
Thankyou for reading this I hope that it has blessed you, please remember you are loved and special and no problem is to big for God to fix.
Though fallen down low… God raised her up.
