Am I the only one with Survivors Guilt?

[Rbnum1fan]

My wife fought a four year battle with Stage Four Breast Cancer and passed away March 28 of this year.

I dedicated my life to her care,and went above and beyond to make certain she was loved and cared for. I have been getting my life back on track, living for me and doing things that make me happy but I’m SO wracked with guilt over being happy and making a new life. I feelI should have been the one who passed first ( she was only 55)

I know I have the right to be happy, I know I’m not “ betraying “ her but I still struggle having fun when I know she suffered so long and passed away. I’m in NYC now( one of our favorites) and I have a crushing sense of guilt knowing how much she loved it. I did visit our favorite pizza place and had a couple of slices for her.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of guilt?

 

[timothyu]

This might not make sense but enjoy these feelings for what they are worth. Would you prefer your wife to go through this instead of you if it were the other way around? You will find your place as the grieving progresses though the difficult stages of one to three years or more.

 

[Laodicean60]

My wife fought a four year battle with Stage Four Breast Cancer and passed away March 28 of this year.

I dedicated my life to her care,and went above and beyond to make certain she was loved and cared for. I have been getting my life back on track, living for me and doing things that make me happy but I’m SO wracked with guilt over being happy and making a new life. I feelI should have been the one who passed first ( she was only 55)

I know I have the right to be happy, I know I’m not “ betraying “ her but I still struggle having fun when I know she suffered so long and passed away. I’m in NYC now( one of our favorites) and I have a crushing sense of guilt knowing how much she loved it. I did visit our favorite pizza place and had a couple of slices for her.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of guilt?

Oh, Dude sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you went through nor do I want to. Maybe your guilt comes from being selfless. I Don't Know! My brother-in-law died 8 months ago and when I saw his wife 3 months ago I felt guilt. I was embarrassed to be alive. The same thing happened when my sister-in-law lost a child. I was embarrassed to see her because I still had mine, thank God. Maybe it's the way you grieve. We all know that suffering is over for them and their in a place of being loved. Sometimes when I pray I talk to Joe and maybe that is a reassurance to myself. I've known Joe for over 40 years and with aging you build deep relationships. Pray, and cry, but know your wife wants you to carry on and you'll meet someday. Keep asking God to give you strength. Be Blessed.

 

[returntosender]

My wife fought a four year battle with Stage Four Breast Cancer and passed away March 28 of this year.

I dedicated my life to her care,and went above and beyond to make certain she was loved and cared for. I have been getting my life back on track, living for me and doing things that make me happy but I’m SO wracked with guilt over being happy and making a new life. I feelI should have been the one who passed first ( she was only 55)

I know I have the right to be happy, I know I’m not “ betraying “ her but I still struggle having fun when I know she suffered so long and passed away. I’m in NYC now( one of our favorites) and I have a crushing sense of guilt knowing how much she loved it. I did visit our favorite pizza place and had a couple of slices for her.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of guilt?

We're not to feel proud but you should feel good about making your wife happy an comfortable as she could be in her last days. We all should be so blessed to have some one care so deeply for us. Many don't have that when nothing is wrong with them. I have a feeling your wife was thanking God for you most if not all the time. You gotta feel good that you are so special.To be there giving her love and peace. Remember too, she would be sad that you are feeling sad and guilty. She's now with Jesus happy and without pain
Rejoice that you were there taking care of her making it easier on her. It could have been a stranger or worse. And God is saying "well done"
Bless you!

 

[DaveHTexas]

I am late to seeing your post, sorry, but it coincides with what I am struggling with right now.

I lost my beautiful bride in July of 22 due to complications of diabetes that was misdiagnosed as COVID-19. Any joys I felt in my life that first year felt like an absolute betrayal to her.

now I am not quite 2 years since she got called home, and a good friend I made from a widows and widowers support group and I have realized most recently we had very strong mutual feelings, and yes even love for one another. And no not the love society calls love but is off base, but a servicing, sacrificial love. And I KNOW 100% without a doubt the following.

• The widow I am involved with and I both saw our marriages through to the end of the vows.
• We both honored, and continue to honor our spouses, and God.
• I did not enter this friendship with any intentions whatsoever of pursuing a romantic / love relationship, and I don't think that was her goal either, it was simply we both found the other super easy to talk to, and relate to each other.
• My late wife and I had discussed if one passes before the other, what our wishes were, particularly when COVID became a thing, and she insisted I find a new partner and live a good life. THIS is where I have the hardest struggle. Again I wasn't looking, I was just having a friend that I could talk to.

My last point is kind of my point here. Would your wife want you to feel lousy going through life and not enjoying what you did with her knowing her memory brings you pain, or would she want to know that her memory brings you joy for what you had?

Can you find the joy in the blessings that were, and honor your wifes memory, instead of letting the pain of her loss blot it out?

I know it is a REALLY hard thing to answer. And you may, or may not be there, but time will God willing get you to the answer that will honor your wifes memory. My prayers are with you brother.