Alone

[Under_the_moon]

Does this feeling ever go away? I was cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of my Christian nature. But I still miss having someone and lost all interest in believing someone good is out there who is a soul mate. Every time I meet someone amazing who is a Christian it ends up I meet her husband too. Alone or find someone who isn't Christian. What did Paul mean? So incredibly frustrated.

 

[David Hunter]

Howdy!! How long have you been divorced for?

I'm divorced, and at first it really hurts but the pain eases up and will eventually go away, if... you get your focus off the past and re-focus on God's kingdom.

When you ask, "What did Paul mean?" I'm guessing you're talking about 1 Corinthians chapter 7? Specifically look at 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Notice, when you're single you don't have the concerns of a wife, but of God! When you're married you now have concerns for your wife.

Consider single life a blessing. If you continue focusing on your loneliness then worldly things will take over. I know a few people who hate being a lone and want to find someone and they're basically destroying their lives over it (being scammed, reeking of desperation, etc.).

 

[DragonFox91]

Whatever you do, don't find someone who isn't a Christian.

 

[Under_the_moon]

I've been divorced for over 2 years now. There are other worldly things that outweigh marriage, such as my son. Its the feeling of being alone. No one to tell me its not a big deal. No one to smile when I feel happy. No one to hold me when I'm sad. No one to read scripture with and no one to pray with. No one. All my friends are married, I have little family and what I do have is not living Jesus. Church is a once a week get together that has their own life to deal with the other six days. Paul had other apostles and knew Jesus personally. Anyway it is what it is, just tired.

 

[DragonFox91]

I've been divorced for over 2 years now. There are other worldly things that outweigh marriage, such as my son. Its the feeling of being alone. No one to tell me its not a big deal. No one to smile when I feel happy. No one to hold me when I'm sad. No one to read scripture with and no one to pray with. No one. All my friends are married, I have little family and what I do have is not living Jesus. Church is a once a week get together that has their own life to deal with the other six days. Paul had other apostles and knew Jesus personally. Anyway it is what it is, just tired.

You need more, different, or new friends then. There's lot of single men (& single women I suppose). They can help w/ your struggles of loneliness. I know what it's like being single & alone - those friends you need to make won't satisfy the hole, but you'll see fulfillment in other ways.

 

[David Hunter]

One of the my big pet peeves of most "churches" is the fact that when you are a part of said church most of the people never reach out (phone, text, email, letter in mail) to see how anyone is doing. Only during "church" do people ask how you're doing. Seems like I'm a lone ranger by reaching out to people, and you know what I found?? I found that everyone I reach out to is going through some kind of trial that no one knows about because people don't ask.

With that, do you have any small groups or anything at your church that you could join? If not, able to create one yourself? Also, how about you reaching out to your friends at church and checking in on them to see how they're doing (...like, "how are you REALLY doing?").

Continue to pray and give it all to the Lord and let Him lead you.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Last night when I posted that I didn't eat all day and was running on 3 hours sleep. But because I opened that private can of worms I'll be open and honest about it.
I didn't divorce my wife, she divorced me. I wanted to work it out but she was already in love with someone else. I don't blame God for that. She was married before and cheated on him as well. She fell in love with a man who had plenty of money and was not Christian. He left her soon after they moved in together ironically.

DragonFox91, I have to disagree that there are plenty of single men/women. Maybe in a large city but I am a country boy and seriously can't handle city life. With that said I joined a dating site and found most "Christians" on it call say that because they believe there is a God. Nothing more, nothing less. I put on my picture and do a little "about me" right up and I get plenty of responses but never a single response who isn't looking for a one night stand or wants to chat about scripture.

David, I agree that church is a place that most people go to for the enjoyment of getting out and feeling good about themselves. Not all, but many.

So to blurt out my personal thoughts with this can of worms I'll say this, not to anyone in particular but just spewing my thoughts openly for my own satisfaction of getting it off my chest. I don't understand why God created people to need companionship. Not friendship, that's totally different. The Bible does speak a lot about marriage. Its not a sin, nor is it required. Its an need for some but not all. I find it incredibly irritating when Christians who are able to accept being alone basically say accept it. Its like a toddler who wants a cookie before supper and a parent putting a plate of veggies out for them and saying eat it.. rather then understanding the toddler doesn't understand why. Since Adam and Eve humanity was created to have someone. I accept God has a reason for everything, but the human side of me can't understand why create a need for something that so many.. so incredibly many people suffer from not having? I've developed depression over the past couple years. Its not something I want or enjoy. I've tried everything, it doesn't go away. Its like trying to make a grey sky turn sunny, its impossible. The only time I have felt alive is when I felt a connection with a woman. Its not about desire or anything physical even though I enjoy that.. its about feeling loved and needed as an individual person for who I am. Someone I click with unlike anyone else. Click is not the right word but unconditional love or soul mate sounds like a fairytale at this point.
I welcome any thoughts on this but honestly I am not looking for hugs or sympathy, telling me it gets better after I searched for true love for over 30 years now since I hit puberty is kind of like "I see said the blind man.. you lie said the deaf man".
Speaking outloud to God with most of this.

With all that said I hope no one thinks the above blurt has anything to do with anyone on this forum. It doesn't, fact is I've been really enjoying my time on here. Depression is something unpredictable that comes and goes without warning. I prefer thinking of it as not who I am but something I am dealing with at the moment.

 

[David Hunter]

Sure, the Bible talks about marriage, but it also talks about singleness. It doesn't say you must get married, and it doesn't say you must remain single.

But, hypothetically, if God said He wants you to be single, would you be ok with that?

Here's a saying I learned at a men's retreat a couple of years ago... "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that you have to seek Him to find it." Something to pray about...

 

[bèlla]

Some people struggle to form bonds with others. It doesn’t come easy for everyone. Some desires for companionship will go unmet or fulfilled at a later time.

In like fashion, you have places of plenty where others are barren. We all have a cross to bear.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Under_the_moon]

David, I agree marriage is not good or bad. But Paul does say It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

Hypothetically if the Bible said it is wrong to be married then no I wouldn't. It does say being intimate with someone without being married is a sin. I have that need, strong as any other man but I chose not to act on it because its a sin. Also because its disrespectful to my future wife. Its not because I haven't had opportunities since my divorce.

I enjoy that saying but the Bible says a couple to be married should be equally yoked. And just generally speaking if two people who are someone new Christians are not going to be as strong minded in Christ as two that have been Christians for 50 years and getting married. Christians should be constantly growing in faith, there is no cap or peak point.

 

[Under_the_moon]

I agree Bella. I usually have no problem getting hit on by non Christians.. at least not on the dating site. Just wish I could find where the single Christians my age are. I'm batting 100 for finding married ones, but 0 for single ones lol. Not to mention even if I did find a single Christian woman it doesn't mean we would be right for each other. But I do understand what you are saying and I don't like to think about it but I know holding my breath for anything soon probably isn't wise.

 

[Isaiah 2:22]

Just wish I could find where the single Christians my age are.

Do they have to be your age? Are you averse to age gaps, either older or younger? If you're only looking for women who are a few years either side of you, you're going to see a shortage for sure, especially since you say you live in a rural area. Most of the women your age are likely to be taken already. If you went older you might find more divorcees or widows. And of course there's always younger as well, but that's self explanatory.

 

[Under_the_moon]

No, I didn't mean my exact age. I could have probably worded that better. I agree it definitely doesn't help being in a rural area.

 

[bèlla]

Living in a rural area has its challenges. Especially for singles. Newcomers aren’t plentiful and most residents are paired. Casting your net wider or relocating are common solutions.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Under_the_moon]

Casting my net wider is an option and always has been. But there are a lot of challenges to that. By challenges I don't mean I am not up for a challenge its just not easy. And relocating is a struggle at this moment. Not something I wish to discuss but I am where I am right now because of responsibilities I feel I have. It is part of the reason I've been feeling blah sometimes.. its not all about the divorce. There are other issues going on that I could walk away from but chose not to. If it wasn't for responsibilities I'd honestly travel the world looking for someone special and because I love to travel. But I am here for now.

 

[bèlla]

Time is usually a factor in connections. We cross paths at ideal moments or during a period where the circumstances aren’t ideal. You have to make peace with your situation and accept pairing may take longer than you’d hope.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Thank you Bella. I do understand that but sometimes frustration gets the best of me. I guess for me posting that when I was frustrated was like stubbing my toe and shouting out then getting mad at the table I stubbed my toe on lol. I just needed to say it out loud that I am frustrated. I know there is no answers other then the obvious. But I do appreciate the support. And I don't consider this forum a table I stubbed my toe on lol, that was just an example. There is nothing here that frustrated me to write that.

 

[bèlla]

Sometimes acknowledging a problem allows you to frame it properly. When we’re in the thick of things the challenge can appear never-ending. But when we discover its for a season that’s a different thing. You know the end is coming and can look to the period that follows expectantly.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I've been alone most of my life. After I was divorced, I went back to being alone.

Years have gone by. I am still alone. Moreover though, I feel ALONE.

I've faced the biggest challenges of my life the last decade, and I did it alone...so why do I need anyone?

Of all those challenges, there isn't one that I feel any woman I was ever involved with would have had the strength to support me thorough...so I never really had anyone at all.

It's not just that there isn't anyone around. There isn't anyone around who knows me. There isn't anyone around to care about me.

I'm that kind of alone.

 

[Under_the_moon]

Its not easy. I don't believe God made us to be alone, that is why he created Adam and Eve.. not Adam.