Our situations are so similar! I've noticed my husband trying to be more attentive and sweet since I broke down and told him how miserable I am and that I was thinking about leaving. But I have no idea how sincere it is, or if it's just "too little, too late" because he realizes that I've been pushed to my limit. And while I still care about him very much, and want him to be happy and well, I have almost no interest in him in a romantic sense at this point. I'm also stuck in place due to the pandemic, and I've had passing, "Well, maybe this is God telling me I should stay" thoughts. But honestly, the discontent and frustration go so much deeper than he can fix with a few extra hugs and smiles. I still believe that we got married too quickly and it wasn't what God wanted us to do. I didn't know him properly and he's got problems and issues that honestly require professional help and a lot of work on himself, and I feel like he hoped I would be the magical wife/nurse/fix-it-all who would make everything better for him.
NerdGirl you sound like my wife and I sound like your husband.
I was like him. I needed help. I got it and still in work but it took me a long time to realize she couldn't fix me and it was not her place to do so. It is God's place. I unfairly placed too much on her. Please realize that in a place of deep hurt and where a professional is needed, his mentality cannot make the connections to understand you aren't able to fix him. He's hurting and scared and lost and reaching out for help to the one person he trusts the most, you.
I did that but I should've asked for support from her and trusted God instead. I hurt her with my issues, and by getting upset she wasn't there for me the way I thought she should be. That was wrong of me but was too lost inside my internal despair to think clearly and see that.
I'm that guy now being there for the family, being sweet, trying to reconnect with her. She's like you, keeping me at a distance and was kept in place due to the pandemic.
It took forever to get out of that dark place and God let me die inside so he could rescue me and rebuild me into the man I need to be.
But she is like you as I said. We lost romantic interests but think about it. It takes emotional connecting to rebuild that. It can come back stronger than ever if we let God heal us. I just want my wife to let us get to the next step which is letting the wall down a little so we can talk about the deep issues. Then we can begin to work through to reconciliation which could take 6 months. A year. Who knows? But doing that will connect us emotionally and spiritually again. The romantic will naturally follow that.
I'd be interested in where you and your husband are now. I pray the enemy's lies that are used to tear apart marriage are silenced and all the things and people in the way of you two are silenced as well so you can save your marriage from divorce and rebuild your life together.
God makes no mistake. Your husband is not a mistake. You are not a mistake. Neither is your marriage.
Give it to him and follow his guidance.
I'm doing that and guess what? I'm still separated but we're living together for practical reasons now. Yet there is hope! I lived away for 18 months while God allowed me to break down to the point I was dead inside and wanted my body to follow. From there it is a huge testimony of redemption to him.
Now I'm trusting in him and his guidance to save my marriage from divorce.
I love her very much but I know it's the caring from God that drives me now. In time I have faith he will redeem us and our love will reignite stronger than ever before.
My point: don't give up. God is bigger than us and the frustrations that hurt us. He can heal both of you and make your marriage more amazing than you can imagine!