What should I do?

[chi_cchick]

I'm a 19 year old girl wondering what to do with her life. I have pretty much been groomed all my life by my parents to do something involving teaching or art which has been offputting to me and both my parents are professionals in the medical field and have always put pressure on me to go to University. I only just met the requirements to go to Uni, but ended up doing a 1 year Childcare course which I couldn't keep up with so I dropped out. Although I enjoyed it, I felt like it was more something my parents wanted me to do, than something I wanted. It made me feel resentment towards me and now I have a debt to pay off but they have agreed to help me. They had savings for my first year accumulating since I was a baby but now half of it will be spent paying for a course I never completed.

I'm not totally sure what I want to do with my life, and as helpful as it would be for Gods blueprint to fall from the sky, I know its not that easy to follow his will. I'm not really sure if freewill is for Christians or if its just for other people. Can you do what God wants and still have freewill? I know his way is better but surely some of our decisions must be up to us?

Anyway I started writing a book last year on various issues, one of them being homosexuality. I'm not sure if I should continue writing in because I don't want to misrepresent Gods views on this and lead people astray or bring fire on myself. The hero of the story who is meant to be a lesbian abstains from sex and marriage because she doesn't want to displease God and her faith is more important to her than having a life partner and she has a baby via a sperm donar.

Writing is one of the things I am best at, but again I feel pressure to do it. I love helping people and being there for them, and on a personality test I was described as an ENFP or an advocate which basically said it is important for me to stand for issues that I think that are important, which is true.

I would love for my book to be published and made into a movie- its main theme isn't neccessarily homosexuality, its more a girls search for her idenity. I want to start University next year and study Media Studies and Primary School teaching, but theres another part of me that wants to train as a Nutrictionist because I find food really interesting and would love to help people change their lives. Also, although I came from an upper middle class family there were always problems with our finances in the background, there were often months were we could barely afford groceries, I couldn't ask for the things I needed like school books or new shoes and I just felt really depressed and scared. Mum says its important to be able to stand on my own two feet and not rely on a man for the rest of my life, and I want to have five or six kids, about half of them being adopted so I would need to be able to support them.

I feel like I am chasing this particular career path for the wrong reasons and I want to please and honour God, but I cant do that if I'm chasing money. I dont want to be poor or wonder how I'm going to put food on the table but I feel like I should be serving God fulltime so I'm really scared to make a decision. At the moment I'm unemployed, living with my parents and recovering from alot of things that have happened with my bipolar. I know its better to make a silly decision and to move forward than to stand in the same place, and that God can lead me to where he wants me to be, but I can't help worrying about this.

Can you help me?

 

[SparkyMaddie]

Volunteer in the fields you like to see if you really enjoy them ,then make a choice. That's what I will be doing.

 

[pianomaster42]

God's will is one of the most difficult things to understand. Ever. I mean, I can totally relate to your story, because I was in that same boat for the longest time. Eventually I realized that God was calling me to pursue a career in music education. This is something I've stuck with for a little while now, and I'm hoping it works out.
But anyway, I think if you have the ability to go to a University to learn about what you want to do, I would jump on that opportunity. College will increase your chances of making enough to live on comfortably.
Hmmm...so you really enjoy writing, huh? Then you should pursue it. Pursuing it with the idea of making money is fine, because, again, we do need money to survive in this world. But as long as your main reason is to glorify God in some way, you should be good. I can't tell you how to do that, that's your mission to figure out. By the way, you mentioned you love both writing and helping others. Maybe you can teach others how to write like you do? It's an idea.
Oh, and you said something about ENFP. That's Extroverted-Intuitive-Feeling-Perceiving, right? I had no idea how widespread that test was

 

[bubblefish]

I would have to agree with sparks. Doing work experience in the areas you are interested could show you what you really enjoy and want to do, and what else can be left as a hobby or something to pursue later in life if you still want to.

Also, I don't know if you have thought about a career helping, as something like a Christian counsellor or Social Worker? I don't know enough about you to know for sure but from what you have said about wanting to help others and your interest in youth and nutrition, it could be something to at least experience through volunteer work (although I am biased since I am a Social Worker in training ). It would give you an opportunity to work with many different people in fields that interest you (whether that be nutrition and eating disorders, financial counselling for families, helping teens who are struggling to find their place in the world or helping people with spiritual issues). You could also still continue your book on the side and get further experience in the field you are writing about.

As I said, I don't know enough about you to know exactly where your interests lie, but ultimately follow your heart. If you are comfortable with what you are doing and don't have major doubts then it is probably not going against Gods will.