What is your philosophy on telling teens how to dress?

[MandyJK]

I'm a believer in letting kids decide how to dress, but I'm having a strange issue with my daughter (the opposite of what you expect!). My daughter LOVES wearing this full suit every day to school. She is a teenager. She thinks it's "cool". Should I gently encourage her to dress a bit lighter or let her decide how she dresses?

https://i.imgur.com/pkFKVum.jpg

I'm not a worrywart parent, and I ask her politely if she is comfortable, and she just say she likes it and that's that. The weather is cold these days, but one day last week it went up to almost 50F and she still wore it. That's what inspired me to ask other parents some advice. What should I do?

 

[eleos1954]

I'm a believer in letting kids decide how to dress, but I'm having a strange issue with my daughter (the opposite of what you expect!). My daughter LOVES wearing this full suit every day to school. She is a teenager. She thinks it's "cool". Should I gently encourage her to dress a bit lighter or let her decide how she dresses?

https://i.imgur.com/pkFKVum.jpg

I'm not a worrywart parent, and I ask her politely if she is comfortable, and she just say she likes it and that's that. The weather is cold these days, but one day last week it went up to almost 50F and she still wore it. That's what inspired me to ask other parents some advice. What should I do?

If her choice of dress is not over revealing or somehow offensive ... I wouldn't worry about it. You might ask her if she would like to get another one or two in a different color or style, "lighter fabric" ;o)

 

[PloverWing]

By the time kids are teens, I leave their choice of dress up to them, on the grounds that it's their body. The only exceptions I can think of are if it violates a dress code or if it hurts someone else (e.g., a t-shirt with a racist slur). I don't see either of these factors in the picture.

 

[coffee4u]

Does she seem okay in herself? Normal? My only worry would be if she is covering herself up because something happened and she is hiding in which case wearing it for some psychological reason to feel safe.

 

[JackRT]

When I was still teaching a new principal was telling me that in a previous school he was VP when they instituted a dress code. He said that the students were incredibly creative in their revolt. An example--- one day the entire school showed up in perfect compliance with the code but every single one of them had untied laces on their left shoe. It went on from there.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I'm a believer in letting kids decide how to dress, but I'm having a strange issue with my daughter (the opposite of what you expect!). My daughter LOVES wearing this full suit every day to school. She is a teenager. She thinks it's "cool". Should I gently encourage her to dress a bit lighter or let her decide how she dresses?

https://i.imgur.com/pkFKVum.jpg

I'm not a worrywart parent, and I ask her politely if she is comfortable, and she just say she likes it and that's that. The weather is cold these days, but one day last week it went up to almost 50F and she still wore it. That's what inspired me to ask other parents some advice. What should I do?

Telling a teen anything is unlikely to produce more than rebellion. Don't wrap them in cotton wool, but (if you can) keep them from really destructive behaviours. Let them know why you think an outfit is unacceptable. I wish more parents would draw a line. But up to that point, let them work it out themselves.

 

[MandyJK]

If her choice of dress is not over revealing or somehow offensive ... I wouldn't worry about it. You might ask her if she would like to get another one or two in a different color or style, "lighter fabric" ;o)

Thanks! It's not revealing or offensive at all, it's just really overdoing it! And maybe a bit immature for her age? Maybe I'm worrying about this too much and just let teens be teens?

 

[MandyJK]

Does she seem okay in herself? Normal? My only worry would be if she is covering herself up because something happened and she is hiding in which case wearing it for some psychological reason to feel safe.

There may be some psychological reason, but as far as hiding something, I don't think so, she doesn't wear it around the house or anything...! Do you think this is something serious?

 

[MandyJK]

By the time kids are teens, I leave their choice of dress up to them, on the grounds that it's their body. The only exceptions I can think of are if it violates a dress code or if it hurts someone else (e.g., a t-shirt with a racist slur). I don't see either of these factors in the picture.

Yep you are right, it's not violating any dress code or offensive in any way, it's just quite unusual for someone her age. Would you just let her wear it and let teens be teens?

 

[eleos1954]

Thanks! It's not revealing or offensive at all, it's just really overdoing it! And maybe a bit immature for her age? Maybe I'm worrying about this too much and just let teens be teens?

Teen years is the most confusing time of life ... for the teen and the parents as well ;o) ... been there ... done that LOL Am sure she'll "grow out of it".

 

[coffee4u]

There may be some psychological reason, but as far as hiding something, I don't think so, she doesn't wear it around the house or anything...! Do you think this is something serious?

Sorry to alarm you, I have a teenage daughter myself, but my first thought was if something happened at school, perhaps boys sexually harassing her pushed her to cover up. If she doesn't wear it around the house it wouldn't be to hide anything from you. Or as she said it may be that she thinks it's cool right now.

 

[JackRT]

My wife just shared a quote with me --- "Parents today cannot expect to bring up their children the way they were brought up because that world does not exist any more."

 

[blackribbon]

Ask her. If it is simply "I like it" and your mom gut believes that is the reason, then she likely does it to stand out and be unique if no one else dresses the same way. My daughter wore a lot of "unique" combinations when she was a teen and as I sat through all the club/sports banquets, people always commented that they loved her confidence and positive energy. It was just her artsy personality shining through.

If you still don't know if you believe her, then it is time to spend more time with your daughter building your relationship to the point you know her a bit better and so that she trusts that she can tell you her secrets without fear of judgement or losing your love.

I am guessing that she is just wants to be seen as "serious and professional". My daughter is normally very bubbly and laid back but she loves her one formal suit and likes finding opportunities to wear it. Right now, it is for graded presentations in college. She also uses both her nickname for most situations but has decided that her formal first name is her "figure skating name" and loves to hear it announced before she skates out to compete.

Good luck.

Oh...I used to call her my rainbow unicorn when she was playing softball in high school. In spite of offering to buy her things like her protective pitching mask and sliding pads to match her uniform colors, she would wear pieces of old uniforms. Her team colors were blue, black and white/silver...but her facemask was red (the new blue one and the silver one were ignored) and her sliding pads were something like green and she never grabbed a head band in the team colors. I had to let go of my personal preference that she color coordinate and just let her be herself. (Her bat was neon orange to top it off.)