If servants of the Lord are reading this, I just want to say thank you for taking time to help the people in these forums. Years ago I had nowhere to turn and so I took my anxieties to a good forum and got help.
I am writing because I have longed to preach God's Word and serve the Lord. Leadership in most of the local churches is poor and it has driven me to want to be involved in helping to straighten out some of the stupidity and the destructive practices in our churches. Or at least one church. I love evangelism. I love discipleship. I love listening to sermons. I love preaching myself when I can. I love the Word.
But... I was disrespectful to a pastor of mine. I apologized and repented and all that, but I am so ashamed of myself for rebelling against authority. I will not go into much detail because it is not important, but I may have hurt my testimony enough to keep me from ever being able to seek the positions in the church where I could teach or preach and help lead the Churches of our day out of darkness. I am young, unmarried, and all I really care about is doing the Lord's work, but I don't know if can live on for my dreams. Moses did not get to go into the promised lands because of his burst of anger, and David didn't get to build the temple because of the blood he shed. I am afraid I fall in that category. I just feel damaged and my sin has left a sting in my heart that lingers. I have been lacking motivation and zeal which were very strong in the past. I don't know what the Lord would have me do but I just feel useless and disabled and it bothers me tht I don't even know if I can still be used in the capacity I always longed for since I became a Christian. I regret having sinned against the Lord. I know he has forgiven me, but I still feel the sting of my actions.
If you have a word or a thought to shar, I welcome it.
-Rusty
I am writing because I have longed to preach God's Word and serve the Lord. Leadership in most of the local churches is poor and it has driven me to want to be involved in helping to straighten out some of the stupidity and the destructive practices in our churches. Or at least one church. I love evangelism. I love discipleship. I love listening to sermons. I love preaching myself when I can. I love the Word.
But... I was disrespectful to a pastor of mine. I apologized and repented and all that, but I am so ashamed of myself for rebelling against authority. I will not go into much detail because it is not important, but I may have hurt my testimony enough to keep me from ever being able to seek the positions in the church where I could teach or preach and help lead the Churches of our day out of darkness. I am young, unmarried, and all I really care about is doing the Lord's work, but I don't know if can live on for my dreams. Moses did not get to go into the promised lands because of his burst of anger, and David didn't get to build the temple because of the blood he shed. I am afraid I fall in that category. I just feel damaged and my sin has left a sting in my heart that lingers. I have been lacking motivation and zeal which were very strong in the past. I don't know what the Lord would have me do but I just feel useless and disabled and it bothers me tht I don't even know if I can still be used in the capacity I always longed for since I became a Christian. I regret having sinned against the Lord. I know he has forgiven me, but I still feel the sting of my actions.
If you have a word or a thought to shar, I welcome it.
-Rusty
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